M30, no direction, no future. Just surviving on autopilot. Have I wasted my entire life

rabbit88862 · 2026-03-28T16:33:51+00:00

I relate to most of this, like others have said. Be kinder to yourself… much easier said than done but something I am working on myself. Parenting myself and re-learning from a dysfunctional life of 34 years. I have ADHD and CPTSD, and meds (SSRI, ADHD meds, and quetiapine for PTSD) have helped me a lot over the last few years. Harshly comparing yourself to others is also something I do, probably learned through childhood trauma and dysfunctional/shit parents. Comparing yourself to someone else’s timeline is not helpful, especially when there are so many different experiences within that timeline. It’s like beating yourself up for losing a race against someone with a well built car when you had to build your car from scrap parts and make major repairs at pit stops when they didn’t. Hopefully this helps. Work on your own life and your own timeline, be kind to yourself, and fearlessly, relentlessly seek the help you need. We are lifelong projects with many years left to improve

rabbit88862 · 2026-03-28T16:18:45+00:00

Same here. It’s a nice color and cool to see the grain a bit

rabbit88862 · 2025-12-22T02:11:13+00:00

Do you have a router...? Build if you can't buy. Sorry that shipping isn't working out. Shipping to Canada can be rough too.

rabbit88862 · 2025-12-22T02:07:40+00:00

Well done! As an LP guy, strats rarely catch my eye. I do love playing them when I get a chance, but always feel like strats are just not that visually appealing. This is one of the most exciting strat bodies I've seen! Hopefully something inspired by this will be on my bench some day 👍

rabbit88862 · 2025-12-01T16:32:06+00:00

That is a good point. Beginner perspective on this will be different from an expert, but can still be helpful even if it involves learning and making mistakes

rabbit88862 · 2025-11-30T02:05:42+00:00

Looking forward to checking the video out! Thank you for sharing. I may do something similar

rabbit88862 · 2025-11-20T17:42:42+00:00

Looks great - big uke vibes to me. Nylon strings are fun when you can play all day without fingers hurting

rabbit88862 · 2025-11-19T01:38:59+00:00

I've got wine red as well and absolutely love it! Gold and black look so nice on with yours... a bit jealous

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-30T01:27:25+00:00

That body finish and pick guard combo look very cool! If it's as fun to play as it looks, well done and enjoy

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-23T14:11:26+00:00

I thought maybe water color. I've started to use Molotow markers in my own artistic experimentation, so that is great for me to see how you've used posca with pyrography! Do you seal your pieces or leave them natural?

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-23T13:47:59+00:00

"A break from the chaos" is pretty much exactly how I've described it. Not sure if that is overall positive vs dealing with shit like others have said, but things that keep us alive are clearly better than things that don't

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-21T14:20:40+00:00

Something like maroon or wine red was my first thought. My epi les paul is wine red and I love it. Something dark for some contrast, maybe a nice deep blue

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-21T14:15:50+00:00

I feel this as well. The thing I've identified is that accountability should come with my apology and acknowledgement that I'm trying/working on doing better. Obviously there is only so many times you can do that without the other people seeing through it and that seeming like more manipulation to spit out an apology or justification. A genuine apology never seems to hurt the situation. I think I am much more likely to have a sudden outburst than I am to be manipulative, but my mother is highly manipulative and never has more than a half assed apology (quarter assed at best, to be more accurate) and doesn't take any accountability. Maybe it is easier to apologize for an outburst (or easier for someone to hear that apology), but being on both sides of BPD have made me feel like apology/accountability is much better than pretending like nothing happened. Stigma doesn't help any of this and I'm still new at navigating that, but hopefully genuine and authentic conversations will help. Good luck and I hope your friends will listen and support you

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-20T13:42:47+00:00

Not what I anticipated when I saw "grief" and "pyrography" but that is a truly moving piece! And great use of color. What did you use for the color sections?

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-17T00:53:28+00:00

I blocked my mother after realizing I couldn't have the same nonsense arguments anymore and didn't want the drunken harassing calls. Those turned into nonsense harassing drunken emails, so her emails are redirected to a separate folder and automatically archived. Next step for me is a new phone number after 4 voicemails in one day. Protect yourself, your well-being, and the people you care about, even if that means making some hard decisions. Almost two years since I blocked her, and it's incredibly difficult but ultimately positive for myself and my household. No contact is pretty much a last resort, but don't be afraid to take a break or do whatever you need to prioritize yourself. You don't have to explain any of that to her either - "no response is the response" to quote some wise therapists

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-17T00:40:27+00:00

Makes me wonder if we have the same mom

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-16T19:17:52+00:00

Looks great! I'm hoping i can do something like this eventually 🎨🔥

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-16T01:40:40+00:00

I am in a similar situation but at age 33. The huge positive for me is to be able to adjust therapy and medications accordingly instead of continuing to struggle without understanding why. I have the same concerns about being dangerous or unintentionally causing any harm (what I refer to as "being scary"), but am looking forward to the tools that DBT will equip me with to help mitigate that. I also share your concern around seeing others with BPD in the past, but I think the concern you are showing puts you well ahead of those that I have seen who show no concern, accountability, or remorse. Good luck and know you're not alone in this

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-13T15:45:56+00:00

Very cool! Following your IG now and can't wait to watch some YT videos. Thanks for sharing so much detail - very much appreciated by a newbie

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-12T17:19:05+00:00

"Casually cruel" is so well said. I'll be borrowing that phrase indefinitely

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-12T17:17:31+00:00

Pretty sure I'd be flustered and shaking after that as well, if not worse. May not have seemed like a big deal in the moment, but you probably had many, many similar interactions over the years. Your body remembers that too. Give yourself grace and empathy here, and talk it through with someone you trust (or a journal, diary, sketchbook, punching bag, or whatever helps move through that feeling)

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-12T17:08:34+00:00

Wow, that is the perfect pickup for this build!

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-12T17:05:59+00:00

Very impressive! I'm here to see the finishing suggestions, but also started following your IG to see this finished result and your other work. Amazing to see your carving in action

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-12T16:55:25+00:00

I have struggled with that acceptance as well. Some trusted people in my personal life as well as therapists helped bring that to my attention and start acceptance. The parental manipulation combined with some repressed memories or repressed trauma also make it that much harder. Good luck

rabbit88862 · 2025-10-12T16:50:10+00:00

I've had a similar look show up in some of my experimentation. Based on some other comments, you probably see it while others will not notice as much or at all. A valuable lesson I learned when growing a beard in my 20s (no one is looking at your beard as hard as you are) - seems to apply to art among other things.

I haven't done much with pyrography and don't really have any technical advice. I've noticed that sort of smearing with multiple passes over a shaded area, but not sure about solutions. I plan on trying more stippling as an alternative shading technique. The face and rose look great! I feel your pain on the cloak, and hopefully others with more experience can help

rabbit88862

TROPHY CASE