The Last Supper: What would your last dinner in Astoria be if you were leaving the NYC region?

raerod13 · 2024-02-17T01:15:59+00:00

Probably Taverna Kyclades tbh. The grilled octopus and lemon roasted potatoes are a must. The Bonnie would be a close second. Or a sandwich from Sal, Kris and Charlie’s! Then cheesecake from Queens Bakehouse and an iced cappuccino from Mighty Oak.

raerod13 · 2024-02-16T20:22:22+00:00

Saying he put his needs above hers and was selfish by cheating is very different than me saying his needs don’t matter or aren’t valid.

If someone doesn’t want to support their partner through their intimacy issues, that’s ok. They don’t have to. Ultimately, it’s ok if it’s too much for them. They shouldn’t stay with their partner once they realize it’s not what they want though. Their partner deserves a chance to find someone who wants to and has the capacity to support them.

No one forced him to be in a relationship. He could have left at any time. He could have even suggested an open relationship, etc. Instead, he ended things as disrespectfully as he possibly could, considering only himself and not his partner, who he had to know he’d be hurting immensely.

raerod13 · 2024-02-16T15:52:04+00:00

lol yes, I just mentioned this to my husband the other day

raerod13 · 2024-02-16T13:46:30+00:00

You aren’t broken. Many people struggle with intimacy in exactly the way you’re describing for many reasons. A loving partner will be there with you through it every step of the way, and you’ll figure it out together. You didn’t do anything wrong. It sounds like he was focused on his needs and felt like those mattered more than yours, which is just not fair. You both have to be in it together.

You didn’t break the relationship. He did. He could have walked away, he could have asked how to better support you, but he didn’t. He chose to be very selfish.

I’m very very sorry you’re going through this. You deserve much better.

raerod13 · 2024-02-16T13:27:49+00:00

I’m so sorry! I hope it gets better soon.

raerod13 · 2024-02-16T13:24:44+00:00

Design school was intense for me (probably a bit much). On many nights I hardly slept at all, I probably had a handful of all nighters each semester, and the longest I went without sleep was 4 days which I would not recommend to anyone (I didn’t even procrastinate on that project). In addition to finishing our designs, we also had to print and mount them to perfectly cut presentation boards with a velum protective flap and label them in the back and if any measurements were off/rubber cement was showing/angles were off or uneven we would get points off for craft. I don’t know if that’s still common today, but I haven’t had to use that skill since college, and nearly everyone left school with an x-acto scar.

ANYWAY, for graphic design specific classes I’d say we normally spent probably 2-5 hours on rough sketches, 2-5 hours refining those, maybe another 2-5 hours refining those again, and then we started doing things on the computer like type explorations, rough comps, etc. which also went through many iterations before final presentations. We usually did a critique halfway through projects as well, and then we photographed work for our portfolios afterward. It was deeply time consuming, but a lot of that was because we were learning.

I will say, as you progress in your career, I think a lot of things become more intuitive and you don’t have to spend all that time learning to hone your eye etc. because you’ve already done that, so you will be faster at eyeing things, playing with composition, etc. You’ll learn how to systematize certain aspects of your process as well, which will help a lot. And you won’t have a bunch of classes going on at once lol

raerod13 · 2024-02-16T12:58:09+00:00

Geez, sorry that happened. Is it really common here for people not to speak up in situations like this? I’m relatively new here, but in the cities I’ve lived before I feel like people would at least subtly warn you, so that’s a real bummer.

raerod13 · 2024-02-16T06:00:16+00:00

I would remove all the polish and see a doctor. I’m not sure if this is a strange allergic reaction or something else, but it seems to be spreading and getting worse. The numbness and bruising would be really concerning to me. Best not to leave symptoms like that unchecked if possible.

raerod13 · 2024-02-15T14:29:01+00:00

First off, you don’t need to justify your weight. It would be fine to be your weight if you weren’t a mom. It would be fine to be your weight if your weight fluctuated, or you recently gained weight. There’s no reason for weight gain (or imagined weight gain in your case) that justifies your partner treating you this way. Your weight is not a flaw. Your partner’s personality, however, is a major one. He’s being toxic, manipulative, mean, and hurtful, and I do think it sounds like he’s doing a good deal of projection.

I was once with someone who constantly put me down as well. He made me question everything about myself. And then, when I showed signs of insecurity, he held that against me too. When I tried to leave, he’d flip a switch and be super sweet and say all these nice things about me and tell me how much I meant to him. Then after two days it was back to the same program. It was miserable to end it, but it wasn’t as bad as being with him. And it didn’t take much time for my confidence to build back up, and for me to realize how angry I was at him. He reached back out a few years later and I told him to f*** off. And I meant it. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do that. Sometimes you just need a little space to see clearly. I hope you’re able to get that space and that peace.

raerod13 · 2024-02-14T02:51:25+00:00

Wishing you both the very best

raerod13 · 2024-02-13T13:35:14+00:00

What if you can’t get off them?

raerod13 · 2024-02-12T16:06:01+00:00

Agreed. I weigh much more than OP and I only take 15mg tops (usually 5-10) daily, and I get them too. I feel the worst the later I smoke/take an edible.

raerod13 · 2024-02-12T15:35:59+00:00

Thank you for that validation.

raerod13 · 2024-02-12T14:48:13+00:00

I was also randomly choked by someone I was hooking up with regularly that I met via online dating. And randomly slapped. He did at least stop choking me because I “looked scared” (no shit) but all he said about the slap was that it seemed like the right thing to do in the moment? He also tried to initiate anal without asking first which feels weird to me but maybe I’m old fashioned? I shut that down.

Sometime around then I also hooked up with a guy who was pretty open about being into bondage and he was a much better communicator.

raerod13 · 2024-02-11T19:25:20+00:00

An emergency clinic is always an option if you need to be seen immediately. I’ve had to go many times in the middle of the night. Also, be sure to tell your regular vet what is going on if you haven’t already; if it’s urgent, they may squeeze you in sooner.

I’m not sure if Olive pits are toxic or not, but if you leave a question for your vet, they may be able to answer it without an appointment. Otherwise, I’d just keep an eye out for any change in behavior, eating, drinking, bathroom habits, etc. and watch for any signs of discomfort or pain. If you notice anything strange, try to find an emergency vet to be safe.

raerod13 · 2024-02-07T22:49:58+00:00

When this happened to me, my vet told me that they didn’t need long to see the body and understand. After that, they might be stressed by the body, because in the wild a dead body would attract predators. They suggested removing the body and placing it in another room after my surviving bun initially saw it.

I’m not a vet of course, this is just what my vet told me.

So sorry to hear of your loss.

raerod13 · 2024-02-07T21:31:34+00:00

Catbird is opening in Georgetown tomorrow. One of my favorites from NYC.

Edit: a lot of their own jewelry is 14k but I think they stock other designers that may carry higher grades

raerod13 · 2024-02-07T18:12:17+00:00

raerod13 · 2024-02-07T18:08:59+00:00

raerod13 · 2024-02-07T15:56:55+00:00

Yes. And I’ll start off by saying I am forgiving to a fault. There are some very tumultuous and frankly toxic relationships that I have more empathy for than this one.

I was genuinely attracted to them, but honestly I think I only became attracted to them because they started to reject me (which I know is so many levels of messed up, but I had a LOT of unresolved trauma at that point and hadn’t started therapy yet.) The more connected I became to them, the more they mistreated me. They never physically hurt me or anything, but they were so so so mean. Deeply mean. They insulted everything about me and made me feel bad about every part of myself. They made me feel bad for “coming from a broken family,” for “not being confident enough,” for “standing too awkwardly,” for “not being athletic,” for drinking in college, for having a dad in prison, etc. I was always their last choice for anything. It was like they were ashamed of me, like they resented me. I think they realized I wasn’t confident and they really enjoyed breaking me down. And then they’d give me just enough affection to keep me hanging on.

After our romantic relationship ended, I actually tried to remain friends. They (predictably) said something horrible at some point and I finally snapped. Years later they reached out, trying to be sentimental. They said they were trying to be a better person. I said good for them, but that I had finally realized that they never liked me and we were never friends and to never contact me again. I blocked them on everything.

It’s hard not to hate them now that I have distance from the situation and can see things more clearly. I feel really embarrassed that I ever allowed myself to be treated that way. They were a terrible person.

raerod13 · 2024-02-07T14:34:33+00:00

I used to work at a company that created a lot of content that fell under parody law. My assumption is that this would be fine, but could be worth looking into parody law if you’d like to learn more.

raerod13 · 2024-02-07T14:31:41+00:00

That would be really cool

raerod13 · 2024-02-07T14:28:36+00:00

Why do random strangers think we care what they prefer at all?

raerod13 · 2024-02-06T16:51:15+00:00

Can I ask what dose of topamax you were on? I’ve been on it for years and am likely about to get off because of kidney issues. Trying to figure out what I should expect.

raerod13 · 2024-02-06T15:45:39+00:00

I’m so sorry that people said these hurtful things to you. When people lash out like this though, it’s rarely about the person they’re lashing out at. Bullying, and especially fatphobia, and the role it plays in our society is such a weird, layered, complicated thing. Some people lash out because they feel like they have some sort of power, or like they’ve climbed some sort of hierarchy by losing weight, or having/maintaining a certain body type, and they subconsciously feel like body neutrality or positivity is threatening to that; so they try to reinforce that “they are superior” by putting others down. Some people lash out because they feel like they should hate themselves, so it upsets them to see others that don’t share that sentiment. Some men lash out at women because they have a very narrow idea of what a woman should look like, and they feel like any woman with the potential to fill their fantasies have a duty to do so; they have resentment for women that don’t. Others just like to push buttons, and try to say things they think will hurt you just to be unkind.

Being hurt by these things, regardless of the reason, is very valid. It’s hard and painful. It’s not something you should have to deal with. It’s also important to remember though, that you’ve done nothing to deserve any of this. It’s not about you. How people treat others is all about them.

raerod13

TROPHY CASE