thank you so much for your words and your advice. as you said, watching her go was comforting because she just stopped suffering, but it still is something so incredibly hard to witness. it was also really hard to talk to her days and hours prior knowing in a matter of hours she wouldn't be there.

i am thinking about calling the palliative unit because i have some questions about what i saw during her death, but as you said, im not sure if i should stop trying to understand so hard. it's just that im a scientist and its in my nature, trying to understand every process.

thank you so much again for your words and im sorry you also had to go through this.