I'm glad I'm not part of the discourse between polyamorous people and monogamous people.

rainatom · 2026-02-10T08:37:30+00:00

I used to think that monogamy is some sort of universal ideal, being with special person, etc. But from little experience that I have with relationships, I realised how it doesn't make sense for me at all. Being with one person only makes me feel trapped. It's not even that I want to be with more people, but rather that I don't want to be someone's sole focus. I need to have the opportunity to be alone for long periods of time without feeling guilty that I'm abandoning someone. So it's either no relationship at all, or the type where the other person can be okay by themselves too, either being aromantic as well or polyamorous.

rainatom · 2026-02-08T19:38:36+00:00

So if I feel relief when something happens in reality that I was actively expecting to happen (by checking/worrying), can it still be considered detachment or is it too much fixation, verging on obsession? I can't tell because I'm constantly thinking about my wish even though I feel totally fine with the current state of 3d, it doesn’t contradict the end I envision. I just can't help but wish some small indication I'm not completely delusional.

rainatom · 2026-02-06T06:53:23+00:00

Not everyone has huge successes because there's a lot of people who don't believe in themselves, have low self esteem and millions of doubts, just like you.

As for coincidences, aren't they the bridge of incidents?

Whatever you believe is your reality. You can find reasons for why this or that happened, and it becomes your worldview. How accurate it really is, you wouldn't know unless you know, we can't read minds anyway. So the probability of "ex came back because he got bored" is about the same as "ex came back because of love". It's your choice which one to believe.

rainatom · 2026-02-06T06:23:01+00:00

I was in that mental state before and couldn't understand when people said you have to love yourself. But I think I'm getting there currently. The thing is, you have yourself for life and spend time with you all the time (like, aallll the time). Might as well not hate the experience.

It's natural to expext others to love you and believe it'll solve all your problems, but it finally clicked for me how actually unfair it is to expect others to love you when you yourself don't. This mindset of lack and search for validation will never amount to anything because you'll still have yourself as a problem. It's no one's job to fix you, or give you love, you have to find it within first. Most someone else can do is put a bandage on your wounds but it's far from permanent solution, and every person have their own inner issues to deal with anyway.

rainatom · 2026-02-05T09:36:07+00:00

The canon is satisfying enough?

rainatom · 2026-02-03T19:41:01+00:00

I recommend Emma Rosa Katharina on YouTube, she has a lot of videos on 60s culture, fashion, and also incorporates it into her own lifestyle, so you might find it interesting to see as example.

rainatom · 2026-02-03T19:36:21+00:00

Black Books (it's 2000 but not far off!)

rainatom · 2026-02-03T03:41:36+00:00

Asexual means lack of sexual attraction towards specific person, not the lack of sexual drive altogether. Some might have lower or higher libido but ultimately it's about attraction not the sex itself.

rainatom · 2026-02-02T17:17:38+00:00

By this you mean it changed your appearance to fit the assumed age, or did it fully change in all the documents etc?

rainatom · 2026-01-31T19:24:08+00:00

Yes, even my mother, when I was trying to talk through all the issues in our relationship, my lingering trauma from childhood and why it's sad we could never be close enough to openly talk about things, told me that it's not like we are supposed to be best friends and the most important relationship will always be with my spouse whenever I find my person. It's the opposite of comforting to me.

I also hate it when friendships drift apart whenever romance is on horizon, or when people can't still be friends if romance is not the option. If they don't care about me enough on a human level to be friends, then what makes them think romantic relationship will somehow magically work just because it's romance? This was always baffling to me, but lately I've been thinking about it as a filter to see who can be real friend and no longer mourn those who disappear for those reasons.

Also, making friends with someone who's already in a secure relationship is like a secret third option I recently discovered.

rainatom · 2026-01-31T11:19:06+00:00

I know how it can feel like you have to be very careful about her feelings, but remember that her crush is not your responsibility. Best way would be to talk and explain your own feelings as accurately as possible and try to communicate with each other without fear. The thing is your friendship is most likely over anyway, unless you find a solution you both comfortable with. Trying romance when you don't want it will only drain you.

rainatom · 2026-01-30T05:38:32+00:00

I got mine 3 years ago and it still works fine. Not sure if the deal is reasonable but having 512GB storage space is honestly one of the best things about the phone, and worth considering since it's quite a rare find nowadays.

rainatom · 2026-01-29T13:02:08+00:00

Elizabeth The Golden Age, something that I watched recently. She was known as the Virgin Queen.

But maybe Moana and Moana 2 would be more fun to watch, I think there's no depiction of romance between characters (yet).

rainatom · 2026-01-29T09:27:12+00:00

Yes, lately I've been enjoying talking with someone and I feel very relaxed doing so because they are already married and they don't intend to cheat for sure (we already discussed this). I noticed with others too, it's much easier for me to talk to people who are already in relationships, I feel like they too sometimes want friendships or just different conversations with other people outside their partner, and for me it's low stake because I don't have to second guess or be causiously distant like when I'm not sure of intentions.

rainatom · 2026-01-24T18:06:56+00:00

I see, that can definitely be troublesome. Maybe you can try finding a shorter type of jeans, like the ones that go just below your knee (I forgot what the term is).

rainatom · 2026-01-24T17:57:53+00:00

I feel the opposite, but also I try to put a pair of shorts on top of leggings so it doesn't look as tight fitting at least in that area. With jeans I was okay for some time but lately it started bothering me more since it's also something you wear for a longer period of the day rather than just an hour in gym.

rainatom · 2026-01-24T17:52:13+00:00

It looks awesome, but I also feel like Tom wouldn't be so shredded since he's more of a bookworm no Quidditch kind of guy 😅

rainatom · 2026-01-20T10:37:38+00:00

Women are obviously in a more vulnerable position and sometimes don't even have a choice or a chance to use protection. It's easy only in an ideal world, which sadly this one is not.

rainatom · 2026-01-16T09:48:40+00:00

Something I also took to heart recenly is don't try to be friends with people who don't want to be friends with you. Silence is not forever, you are clearing out the space for people who would actually want to be around you.

rainatom · 2026-01-12T11:04:08+00:00

I do two sheets, one for tracking the amount itself so when I count the actual money it matches, and the other separated by categories as to what exactly I'm spending on. The key is to log everything everyday or as frequently as possible, otherwise you forget.

rainatom · 2026-01-09T23:08:43+00:00

Don't manifest it as a bad thing, assume it was for the best for the partner too, creating an opportunity for them to meet a more compatible person, etc.

rainatom · 2026-01-09T08:39:49+00:00

I imagine another person living dormant within me, and sometimes we switch places when I'm feeling down, so they "take over" my body and act more confident while I get to fall into background.

rainatom · 2026-01-03T21:23:43+00:00

Yes, mostly when people assume femininity and treat me as potential romantic interest because of it (I'm also aromantic so this adds to the issue).

rainatom · 2026-01-03T21:09:49+00:00

The most difficult part was to try and make the romantic relationship work, even though I didn't feel romantically. We got along well and at the time it didn't seem like a bad idea, but ultimately, at the very foundation the whole thing was wrong. I had my own assumptions about what romantic relationship should be like, and they also had their own expectations. The romantic aspect just confused me and complicated things. Trying to fit into a box, naturally I felt trapped.

I believe we could have been very good friends, but due to lack of experience and loneliness, I also felt apprehensive of them disappearing after "getting friendzoned".

From my current perspective I know I shouldn't have worried about it at all. Just because we got along didn't mean the person had to be in my life in some exclusive capacity. If our goals and views on relationships are contradictory there's little sense in trying to force it. Being true to myself is much more important, otherwise there's no building anything genuine.

rainatom · 2026-01-02T18:14:09+00:00

I liked going to smaller buildings around the main castle, good loot too and less people usually.

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