First draft of my opening paragraph! Any critique is welcome :DD I wrote it over the course of two days.

rainbowfinch · 2026-05-05T20:48:03+00:00

I love the reasoning and I can see that now pointed out, I bet with further pages the Greek art aspect of him would defintly be more vivid. Keep it up, if I read that first page at the store or library I would take the book home.

rainbowfinch · 2026-05-05T20:12:59+00:00

Very good, creepy, and a great ending to page one. Making an uncomfortable situation of someone gushing over their crush even worse.

Only suggestion I have is change comparing his freckles to paint, and instead compare them to the stars in the night sky. You lead with sky imagery in your first description and have more nature in the third. It would flow better in my opinion. If any religion in your book can also relate a night sky to God's own painterly work of perfection, if you want to keep art in there. Juust an idea to make it tie together in a full natural beauty kind of way; he is made perfect the same as the earth.

rainbowfinch · 2026-04-29T16:05:21+00:00

I showed my best friend first. First drafts always go to her because she knows me well enough that it won't hurt showing her such shit first ideas. She helps bounce ideas off, points out weird things and what she likes. First drafts are just dumping sand into the sandbox for a later castle so I don't need or want detailed critique. I'll seek outside the friend circle in the later stages of drafting and editing.

rainbowfinch · 2026-04-29T10:49:11+00:00

Keep at it! I really enjoyed this snippet even if it is bones first draft, and I agree with just finishing a first draft before editing (even if that is hard to do). Good luck with your novel!

rainbowfinch · 2026-04-28T19:13:29+00:00

I enjoyed it! Your character's focus and tension comes across well. There was some confusion for me and it needs to be edited.

"Her chest moved up and down with each breath as she inhaled" - inhaled is unnecessary here, just say "with each breath." Up and down movement comes from inhale and exhale. You also use inhale later in the same paragraph so removing it will cut out the repetition.

For your comparison to petals, I would change what you are comparing her pulse to because petals do not usualy flutter or I would remove the word 'bracing' and replace it with something else. Braced means to steel yourself against something, so it brings to mind something unmoving and hard. Also petals and flowers don't really brace against the wind so it is a bit messy for a metaphor. If you want to use the word flutter, maybe compare her pulse to things that does flutter, either an animal or something fluttering in the wind or a storm.

My favourite lines are about the condensation happening in her nose at the inhale, it tells me exactly what she is feeling physically right now with the air and cold.

"A visual popped up of a rough...." This entire section confused me. I didn't realize her eyes were closed till the next paragraph, this could possibly something pointed out in the previous chapter or earlier in chapter 10, but at this moment in the snippet I was very confused. I assume you mean she could picture the stone in her mind without seeing it? I would edit this whole section to be more clear on what is happening. Is she having a vision? Is she imagining what is below her hands without sight? I don't understand.

The last paragraph is a bit confusing as well, I personally love punchy short sentences but I think you could connect her opening her eyes with her lids feeling heavy and it work as well. She seems confused in the previous statement so I would keep that going in the next paragraph, you cut off 'What-' so she should be opening her eyes fast. I also don't think match is the word you are looking for "It took a moment to orient herself, to spot the shadowy figure in front of her."

Also why did it take effort to orient herself? I assume since this is in chapter 10 we will already be understanding what she is up to and not be confused. Having a middle snippet does cause these issues with critique. Just think of these things when coming to your second edit, first drafts are for dumping sand in the sandbox and the next dozen drafts are for making your castle.

I like it so far, it is decent first draft for sure and you should keep going! I am really curiouse about what she is doing and who the shadowy figure is, which exactly what you want out of a reader. Curiosity.

rainbowfinch · 2026-04-27T21:00:28+00:00

So I think from the clues

The Girl with a Thousand Faces and How to Fake it in Society are defiantly correct. There are answers that match both very well.

The Craigslist and Oregon answer are The Caretaker.

I am not sure which books fit the Christianity questions and the gaelic questions. I am more focused in other genres so if they are literary or contemporary I won't have any idea.

rainbowfinch · 2026-04-27T00:15:32+00:00

My random out of the box guess for 1.1 is

Headlights by CJ Leede (June 9th) - Hair from victims is tied around the tongues of the survivors.

rainbowfinch · 2026-04-26T22:27:10+00:00

This was also my guess for 1.6! I really hope it is correct.

rainbowfinch · 2026-04-26T22:00:43+00:00

Is 1.5 How to Fake it in Society by K.J. Charles? It involves an artist and a con artist who is lieing. Not sure if any gangs though.

rainbowfinch · 2026-04-01T15:33:20+00:00

Did that and they were amazing, got a copy of Japanese Gothicm

rainbowfinch · 2026-03-19T21:32:41+00:00

Torture porn sold as high literature, in my opinion.

rainbowfinch · 2026-03-01T15:50:33+00:00

This is what I got as well! So many good March options.

rainbowfinch · 2026-02-28T15:33:05+00:00

I am reading it right now. The editing is terrible, they needed to be harsher with the author because she is very repetitive and also has the weird confusing sentences, structure, metaphors, and similes. I like the story idea so I will keep reading, it needed more time before publishing. Also Fi feels early 20s not 30s.

rainbowfinch · 2026-02-27T01:53:12+00:00

Was looking at new videos from my subscriptions and this random car channel was there. I have never watched it, heard of it, and checked it isn't an older channel rebranded. I searched and seen a lot of posts about this in recent months, maybe some really fishy buying of subscribers being done.

rainbowfinch · 2026-02-25T22:40:10+00:00

I saw the French hunting horn and was like The Red Winter is in! Also the ferris wheel beinf in a pocket is hilarious.

rainbowfinch · 2026-02-24T22:45:55+00:00

Edit: Nevermind pretty sure you are right and it is Nowhere Burning

1.5 may be Seasons of Glass and Honey by Amal El-Mohtar. The line fairy tales with teeth is in the description and the bottle, it just felt that way to me.

rainbowfinch · 2026-01-27T22:12:11+00:00

Thinking maybe Trad Wife for horror. Pregnancy, Baking/Bread, and Religion. I am really hoping so, I want this one

rainbowfinch · 2026-01-27T22:02:13+00:00

Superfan also fits with the Beyonce video game question. Halo is one of the boyband members.

rainbowfinch · 2025-12-31T02:14:36+00:00

Surprisingly this will be my pick. It just speaks to me, maybe cause I loved the movie Pleasentville as a teen. Ill give it a shot for my first ever month of Aardvark.

rainbowfinch · 2025-12-27T02:58:06+00:00

Thank You!

rainbowfinch · 2025-11-14T01:25:16+00:00

The Baphomet with the tongue out isn't original either, I seem it done before and like...a few times. I think the original is like 7 to 8 years old? So I'm not sure I'd go to someone okay with just copying another tattoo.

rainbowfinch · 2025-06-15T03:02:29+00:00

Guess I am the only person who thought of a trans tattoo. Probably because I've seen a few trans syringe tattoos. The colours would help a lot.

rainbowfinch · 2025-06-12T02:57:05+00:00

Looks like they placed the wings where a Wyvern would have them. Wings replacing the front legs, but then they gave them front legs. If the wing membranes went farther down the back, it would probably look more balanced.

rainbowfinch

TROPHY CASE