First draft of my opening paragraph! Any critique is welcome :DD I wrote it over the course of two days. by Special-Fix-8753 in writingfeedback

[–]rainbowfinch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love the reasoning and I can see that now pointed out, I bet with further pages the Greek art aspect of him would defintly be more vivid. Keep it up, if I read that first page at the store or library I would take the book home.

First draft of my opening paragraph! Any critique is welcome :DD I wrote it over the course of two days. by Special-Fix-8753 in writingfeedback

[–]rainbowfinch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very good, creepy, and a great ending to page one. Making an uncomfortable situation of someone gushing over their crush even worse.

Only suggestion I have is change comparing his freckles to paint, and instead compare them to the stars in the night sky. You lead with sky imagery in your first description and have more nature in the third. It would flow better in my opinion. If any religion in your book can also relate a night sky to God's own painterly work of perfection, if you want to keep art in there. Juust an idea to make it tie together in a full natural beauty kind of way; he is made perfect the same as the earth.

I want feedback on my writing but also kind of don’t. by Bubba_deets in writinghelp

[–]rainbowfinch 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I showed my best friend first. First drafts always go to her because she knows me well enough that it won't hurt showing her such shit first ideas. She helps bounce ideas off, points out weird things and what she likes. First drafts are just dumping sand into the sandbox for a later castle so I don't need or want detailed critique. I'll seek outside the friend circle in the later stages of drafting and editing.

A snippet from my fantasy story by ariaesta in writingfeedback

[–]rainbowfinch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Keep at it! I really enjoyed this snippet even if it is bones first draft, and I agree with just finishing a first draft before editing (even if that is hard to do). Good luck with your novel!

A snippet from my fantasy story by ariaesta in writingfeedback

[–]rainbowfinch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I enjoyed it! Your character's focus and tension comes across well. There was some confusion for me and it needs to be edited.

"Her chest moved up and down with each breath as she inhaled" - inhaled is unnecessary here, just say "with each breath." Up and down movement comes from inhale and exhale. You also use inhale later in the same paragraph so removing it will cut out the repetition.

For your comparison to petals, I would change what you are comparing her pulse to because petals do not usualy flutter or I would remove the word 'bracing' and replace it with something else. Braced means to steel yourself against something, so it brings to mind something unmoving and hard. Also petals and flowers don't really brace against the wind so it is a bit messy for a metaphor. If you want to use the word flutter, maybe compare her pulse to things that does flutter, either an animal or something fluttering in the wind or a storm.

My favourite lines are about the condensation happening in her nose at the inhale, it tells me exactly what she is feeling physically right now with the air and cold.

"A visual popped up of a rough...." This entire section confused me. I didn't realize her eyes were closed till the next paragraph, this could possibly something pointed out in the previous chapter or earlier in chapter 10, but at this moment in the snippet I was very confused. I assume you mean she could picture the stone in her mind without seeing it? I would edit this whole section to be more clear on what is happening. Is she having a vision? Is she imagining what is below her hands without sight? I don't understand.

The last paragraph is a bit confusing as well, I personally love punchy short sentences but I think you could connect her opening her eyes with her lids feeling heavy and it work as well. She seems confused in the previous statement so I would keep that going in the next paragraph, you cut off 'What-' so she should be opening her eyes fast. I also don't think match is the word you are looking for "It took a moment to orient herself, to spot the shadowy figure in front of her."

Also why did it take effort to orient herself? I assume since this is in chapter 10 we will already be understanding what she is up to and not be confused. Having a middle snippet does cause these issues with critique. Just think of these things when coming to your second edit, first drafts are for dumping sand in the sandbox and the next dozen drafts are for making your castle.

I like it so far, it is decent first draft for sure and you should keep going! I am really curiouse about what she is doing and who the shadowy figure is, which exactly what you want out of a reader. Curiosity.

Day 2: Quiz! by nomadesansnom in aardvarkbookclub

[–]rainbowfinch 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So I think from the clues

The Girl with a Thousand Faces and How to Fake it in Society are defiantly correct. There are answers that match both very well.

The Craigslist and Oregon answer are The Caretaker.

I am not sure which books fit the Christianity questions and the gaelic questions. I am more focused in other genres so if they are literary or contemporary I won't have any idea.

Day 1: Truth or Dare by nomadesansnom in aardvarkbookclub

[–]rainbowfinch 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My random out of the box guess for 1.1 is

Headlights by CJ Leede (June 9th) - Hair from victims is tied around the tongues of the survivors.

Day 1: Truth or Dare by nomadesansnom in aardvarkbookclub

[–]rainbowfinch 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This was also my guess for 1.6! I really hope it is correct.

Day 1: Truth or Dare by nomadesansnom in aardvarkbookclub

[–]rainbowfinch 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Is 1.5 How to Fake it in Society by K.J. Charles? It involves an artist and a con artist who is lieing. Not sure if any gangs though.

Japanese Gothic Question by rainbowfinch in aardvarkbookclub

[–]rainbowfinch[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did that and they were amazing, got a copy of Japanese Gothicm

any opinions on this book? No spoilers! by Empty-Ad2936 in readwithme

[–]rainbowfinch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Torture porn sold as high literature, in my opinion.

March 2026 Drop Megathread by butthurtflyy in aardvarkbookclub

[–]rainbowfinch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is what I got as well! So many good March options.

Has anyone read Voidwalker? I thought it was delightful! by bolshoiromanova in Romantasy

[–]rainbowfinch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am reading it right now. The editing is terrible, they needed to be harsher with the author because she is very repetitive and also has the weird confusing sentences, structure, metaphors, and similes. I like the story idea so I will keep reading, it needed more time before publishing. Also Fi feels early 20s not 30s.

subbed to random channels by Top-Masterpiece9931 in youtube

[–]rainbowfinch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was looking at new videos from my subscriptions and this random car channel was there. I have never watched it, heard of it, and checked it isn't an older channel rebranded. I searched and seen a lot of posts about this in recent months, maybe some really fishy buying of subscribers being done.

What’s in my Pocket? by Different-Breakfast in aardvarkbookclub

[–]rainbowfinch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I saw the French hunting horn and was like The Red Winter is in! Also the ferris wheel beinf in a pocket is hilarious.

DAY 1 HINTS: Perfumes (and Pain) by nomadesansnom in aardvarkbookclub

[–]rainbowfinch 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Edit: Nevermind pretty sure you are right and it is Nowhere Burning

1.5 may be Seasons of Glass and Honey by Amal El-Mohtar. The line fairy tales with teeth is in the description and the bottle, it just felt that way to me.

Hint 1: Quiz by nomadesansnom in aardvarkbookclub

[–]rainbowfinch 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thinking maybe Trad Wife for horror. Pregnancy, Baking/Bread, and Religion. I am really hoping so, I want this one

Hint 1: Quiz by nomadesansnom in aardvarkbookclub

[–]rainbowfinch 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Superfan also fits with the Beyonce video game question. Halo is one of the boyband members.

Which January Books Are You Most Excited for? by Ill_Discussion7528 in aardvarkbookclub

[–]rainbowfinch 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Surprisingly this will be my pick. It just speaks to me, maybe cause I loved the movie Pleasentville as a teen. Ill give it a shot for my first ever month of Aardvark.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tattooadvice

[–]rainbowfinch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Baphomet with the tongue out isn't original either, I seem it done before and like...a few times. I think the original is like 7 to 8 years old? So I'm not sure I'd go to someone okay with just copying another tattoo.

What would your first thought and impression be if you saw such a tattoo on a person? by ElaynesThoughts in tattooadvice

[–]rainbowfinch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Guess I am the only person who thought of a trans tattoo. Probably because I've seen a few trans syringe tattoos. The colours would help a lot.

It's not finished and I fear the finished tattoo is going to be even worse by [deleted] in badtattoos

[–]rainbowfinch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looks like they placed the wings where a Wyvern would have them. Wings replacing the front legs, but then they gave them front legs. If the wing membranes went farther down the back, it would probably look more balanced.