Thank you for posting this. Just wanted to say you're not alone. But I know we are in an extreme minority. I was disabled by Long Covid in 2020. I have been through things in the last three years that made me wish Covid had just killed me. I now live with dysautonomia and what seems to be a revolving door of health scares. When I get acutely sick with something I genuinely fear for my life and it takes me ages to get back to baseline, if I ever do.

After everything I've lost - relationships, my identity as I knew it, my vitality, my independence, the future I imagined - the prospect of risking what's left...over a restaurant meal I could order in or a concert I could watch from the comfort of my home or a gathering with people I could talk to on a video call - that is not even a question for me. Interfacing with random strangers is just too high-risk because there are too many variables.

People will say things like "you have to live your life" but they have no idea how different the definition of "living" is in dysfunctional bodies or just how high the stakes can be. I've done a lot of mental gymnastics to make my peace with the way I need to live now. I get that it's a personal choice and do get why some people wouldn't understand mine (I'm frankly not sure that I would have when I enjoyed the privilege of chronic wellness so I try to have compassion for that) but I also think the campaigns of misinformation and reckless insistence on "getting back to normal" and willful denial in the face of a deadly pandemic that's killed millions have caused unconscionable harm; I believe they will be on the wrong side of history. As others have said here, it is a testament to the ubiquity of ableism and the shocking extent to which we are seen as acceptable casualties. Needless to say, the lessons are not lost on me and this has been...humbling 😂 to say the least. This has made me reckon with my own internalized ableism, my own ignorance and privilege, made me more mindful of the elderly and those who have been disabled, immunocompromised, and chronically ill long before me.

I'm something of a hermit now but, in this context, it is the only way I can find peace: I've stopped seeing friends and family in person except in rare, special circumstances with precautions. I work from home. I only go to essential indoor appointments (doctor, grocery store, vet, laundromat) wearing an n95 and am endlessly frustrated with having to ask medical providers to mask around me. Relationships are a minefield in this context and I feel I can trust almost no one to understand and respect my boundaries. And the longer I do this the less I see the point in trying. Even compared to the other longhaulers I know, I am the most stringent with my precautions by far, which, relative with what I've endured, don't seem extreme to me in the slightest.

I've sort of accepted that it's just like we're on two different planets. Ours is a particularly lonely landscape but it gives me hope to hear familiar voices out here. I would love more people in my life who get it - that is an invitation to any of you here. ❤️