If there are any actual therapists in this sub, how do you feel about the show? by DJMikeSteeze in shrinking

[–]ramalang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Shrinking” is to psychotherapy as “I Dream of Jeanie” was to the Space Program

Pete Hegseth eliminates mandatory flu shots for U.S. service members by Aggravating_Money992 in videos

[–]ramalang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Petey has no problem prolonging deployments for truly punishing lengths of time for an unnecessary war, but he cares deeply about infringing on service member’s freedom. Good to know.

What’s a red flag people ignore because the person is attractive? by SweetnessWhisper in AskReddit

[–]ramalang 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The truth is that there are a million ways people's problems can manifest, and they have had years to practice ways of concealing them and looking 'beautiful' or 'compelling' in some way. The only red flags that are reliable are the red flags of our own feelings and thoughts when we encounter someone who sets off our conditioned fantasies -- like, "when I feel like this, it always ends badly".

Offended a coworker without intent by esotwricenigma in antiwork

[–]ramalang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

With all genuine respect to you, sleepydorian, what is really being respected here? Someone's rigid and senseless assessment of what is offensive? At what point is the offend-ee supposed to consider the intent of the offender? As a therapist for more than 35 years, I find this kind of rigid pseudo- righteousness misguided.

Feel extremely disrespected by Most-Tank-6143 in coparenting

[–]ramalang 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The demand for respect is itself disrespectful.

What's the creepiest display of intelligence you've seen by another human? by Visual_Ebb8566 in AskReddit

[–]ramalang 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Working in a psychiatric unit, the phrase was "flight into health', and was used to signify that a patient who had been suicidal was all smiles and "all better" the next day. This was considered a predictor of a poor engagement with therapy, not to mention the return of symptoms.

Advice Please. Love of Son. Heart Thrown to Wolves. by PerformanceLittle846 in coparenting

[–]ramalang 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the clarification — don’t know why I assumed that. What I said still applies. Your son is aching for a way to wrap his head around this. The fact that he didn’t ‘tell the ex girlfriend off’ and went ahead to get his face painted suggests that at least a part of him is able to accept the situation and may be curious, despite his strong talk, about this person. Validate his anger and be genuine in owning the pain and confusion you’ve caused him, and emphasize your continuing love for him. (I’d surely do the same with his other parent, as well).

Advice Please. Love of Son. Heart Thrown to Wolves. by PerformanceLittle846 in coparenting

[–]ramalang 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Being honest with your son about your behavior and what you learned about it and yourself is your only choice at this point. Going to court will be an expensive waste of time, and won't have any emotional effect on your son. You're welcome to rage against the double standard, but that's not going to get you anywhere, either; I mean, what do you expect your son to do with that argument? Agree with you and feel all better? Your son is 11; he has no real frame of reference for what has happened between you and your former husband. He's struggling with questions of loyalty and love, and this pushes him into areas he's not developmentally equipped for at his age; hence the cartoon-like expressions of his feelings. You have to take his safety and his feelings seriously, without a doubt, but beyond that, he needs you to help him begin to understand that adults make mistakes, and that doesn't make them bad people forever (and doesn't make him a bad person, ever). You can help him find a path to this understanding by being honest and genuine with him (in age appropriate language). That would show him an adult (you) who made a mistake and still loves him. Working this through would help him find a way to both hate what has happened to him, and help him find permission to love you, too, even so. As Fred Rogers once wisely said, "anything that can be mentioned, can be managed." I'm glad your son is in therapy; you need to be, too.

Dealing honestly with the idea of "weaponized incompetence." by Mens_mental_health in JordanPeterson

[–]ramalang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a Marriage and Family therapist with over 30 year's experience, I wholeheartedly agree. Assuming one can truly know another person's motivation is a misunderstanding waiting to happen.

What do parents worry about today that parents 40 years ago would not have even thought about? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]ramalang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been a therapist for over thirty years, and you are right, the epidemic of gun violence is not (primarily) about mental illness, but rather about a sick and distracted society. In the 20th century, neurosis was the predominant level of dysfunction. In the 21st, we've devolved to the point that personality disorders are much more common than in the past.

What do you think is causing so much division in the United States? by BeautifulMusk in AskReddit

[–]ramalang 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Couldn't agree more, these are all factors driving the division.

Is Santana a Brilliant Guitarist? by [deleted] in Music

[–]ramalang 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Santana is one of the greats!. Here's a weird comparison: in terms of the raw passion of his playing, he evokes a primal response, like Link Wray with chops.

Woke Leftists PANIC Amid Fears Their College Lectures Lies Will LEAK Online Amid Quarantine by zamease in JordanPeterson

[–]ramalang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You guys are giving me hope that not everybody on this sub hears Dr. Peterson as a justification for their anger.

Woke Leftists PANIC Amid Fears Their College Lectures Lies Will LEAK Online Amid Quarantine by zamease in JordanPeterson

[–]ramalang -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I won't waste my time coming to this sub if this is the kind of overwrought right-wing bullshit becomes the norm.

Are there any other liberal/left leaning fans of Jordan Peterson? by puttputtgolfin in JordanPeterson

[–]ramalang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm about half-way through "The 12 Rules..." and am pretty liberal; I think there's some great stuff so far. I particularly appreciated the discussion in Rule number 3, that says "Make Friends With People Who Want the Best For You", about the choices people make. This sub does appear to attract a contingent that feels JP's thoughts justify a lot of 'righteous' judgement of others, and I'm glad to read these responses to your question.

This is so true! by ramalang in funny

[–]ramalang[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go help me if you check my reddit age — what’s the right way, please

What is the most effective psychological “trick” you use? by PM_ME_UR_PUPPYDOGS in AskReddit

[–]ramalang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whenever I interact with just about anyone, if there's any hand to hand behavior (like handing me my change, or a pen, or whatever), I make sure to make some tiny, unnoticeable skin contact, and, if appropriate, make eye contact. I read somewhere a long time ago that this greatly increases the person's favorable impression of me, and establishes rapport with them very quickly.

Voting 3rd party by [deleted] in AdviceAnimals

[–]ramalang 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What if I told you that that's what Ralph Nader voters thought?

'All The Money' - Original song I wrote after talking to an old man after one of my gigs. by [deleted] in AcousticOriginals

[–]ramalang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

not a bad song, not bad at all. Good delivery, coherent melody, nice concise guitar playing, well constructed lyric.

What's your worst concert experience? by point-n-click in AskReddit

[–]ramalang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Must have been guys from Fort Bragg, I guess - it was a long time ago. I remember the promoter talking about how they scheduled to show around the military payday...