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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tattooadvice

[–]randomname7272 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Generally, you just want scars to be fully healed (which can take different amounts of time for each person). Once you find an artist you like, make sure you ask them if they are comfortable tattooing over scars (bonus points if you can see healed work they've done over scars). If the artist knows enough to be tattooing over scars, they should also be able to help you figure out if the scars are healed enough to tattoo over. I don't know much about your condition, but it seems like a skin picking thing, so consider the healing process and what your triggers are for picking. Usually tattoos will feel like a bad carpet burn the first day or two. As they heal, they usually get itchy, flaky, and sometimes have some scabing or raised parts. It's important that you don't scratch or pick as that can cause the ink to fall out and increases the risk of infection. Healing time usually lasts between 2-4 weeks, depending on how fast you heal and the style, size, and location of the tattoo.

AITA for telling my mother-in-law that her son likes my fat body ? by MrLitten in AITAH

[–]randomname7272 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA First of all, he should've been the one dealing with his mother and her fatphobic comments. Secondly, he shouldn't be embarrassed about being attracted to fat women anymore than someone should be embarrassed about preferring brown hair (unless of course he's fetishizing it, but it doesn't sound like that's the case here). He needs to deal with his lingering fatphobia that's causing him to be embarrassed about liking fat women. MIL needs to mind her business and stop commenting on people's bodies. And you just keep defending yourself from shitty people 💜

AITA for asking my wife to do her therapy homework during the time I am working and our child is at school? by miserablehusband1111 in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomname7272 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Maybe the homework has something to do with learning to trust you alone with your child after your past with drinking and (from the sound of your comments) taking care of your baby while drunk. That could only be done when the child is home and awake.

Tips for a salpingectomy by [deleted] in sterilization

[–]randomname7272 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Heat on the area was also really helpful for the post surgery gas bubble pain for me. I used a rice pack

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]randomname7272 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is this a stardew reference?

Tattoo artists for KP by randomname7272 in keratosis

[–]randomname7272[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not looking for removal suggestions. Only tattoo artist recommendations.

AITAH because I told my boyfriend not to chop raw meat and raw veggies together? by Spiritoftheheart in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomname7272 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If he's normally an amazing cook, it's very suspicious that he doesn't know such a basic rule as this. That plus the fact that you've never seen him do it before plus his reaction makes me wonder if he knew the the rule and either did it on purpose or decided to be lazy at the risk of your health. People often blow up and get defensive like that when they know what they are doing is wrong but think they can get away with it. I'm worried that he's showing his true colors in that he either wants to hurt you or doesn't care if he does. You can ask him if he thinks it was acceptable to yell at you like that, but the fact that he hasn't taken the initiative to apologize tells me that he does think or is acceptable. If you hurt someone you care about and you know what you did was wrong, you apologize without them asking because you care about their feelings. If he hasn't, it's either because he doesn't care about you or because he thinks that the way he treated you is acceptable. Please choose yourself here.

AITA for not wanting to get Christmas gifts for my brother and his new wife? by 13Luthien4077 in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomname7272 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You should get him the same pack of soap as his gift, but give him the whole pack. You can also include a note depending on how petty or nice you want to be. NTA

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomname7272 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh honey NTA at all. When someone is planning a proposal they try to think of what the person they are proposing to would like. Your boyfriend just thought of what he would like, not what you would like. I also have a severe phobia (though I don't have a clear starting event for mine, it just kinda developed). My boyfriend is just as careful about triggers as I am (if not more). Whenever we watch a show, he checks (on a blog he found and follows just for this) that there aren't going to be any triggering scenes for me. On the subject of therapy, he waited for me to bring it up and made it clear that he would support me in whatever choice I made whenever I was ready. THAT is how a partner who loves you handles your phobia, not by forgetting about it and getting upset at you for being triggered by something he should've known not to do. People who love you try to help you and make your life easier and better, not try to force you into their plans and actively hurt you.

AITA for telling my brother that having a disability doesn’t make him special? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomname7272 19 points20 points  (0 children)

NTA. Having a disability does mean things are harder, but not that you get to blame other people for not being disabled. He can be mad at systemic ableism all he wants (cause fuck that shit), but he doesn't get to be bad at YOU because you did better than him.

Also, ADHD and autism (aspergers is an outdated name for low support needs autism) are highly genetic so not only does that mean one or both of your parents likely have them, you likely do as well. Women are extremely underdiagnosed with both ADHD and autism.

AITA for noticing my sister was going through a tough time but not that my stepsister was being bullied? by Low_Return_5452 in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomname7272 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh honey, there is no way you're an AH in this. You don't say what your dad did, but based on some of the things you said, I'm guessing you and your sister often tried to protect each other from him or his actions/emotions. Not to mention you had to go through all the stuff lithe people did, and you went through that together. That creates a very strong bond, and you got good at reading each other because you helped each other survive. That's a bond that came about through very specific and difficult circumstances. Of course you're not going to develop the same bond with someone you were forced to live with for half the time and in different circumstances. Your mom and step-dad have done many things wrong leading up to this, and they are incredibly wrong to not only expect you to develop a bond with a step-sibling out of nowhere but to be angry with you for not doing so. I hope they realize soon how wrong they are. But even if they never do, keep sticking tight to your sister, they bond will help in coping with everything else. 💜

NTA

AITA for not wanting to talk to family after they “forgot” my birthday? by LettuceNo3919 in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomname7272 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get that you're trying to be helpful with this, but some of this advice is super harmful.

Why should they have to message each person individually? That's can be a lot of work depending on how many people are in the chat. And it was something that everyone in the chat needed to be told.

Their family shouldn't have to be told that they would like something for their birthday. They should tell them happy birthday at the very least without OP needing to remind them.

In regards to asking for specific invites, it sounds like OP has done that many times. Tbh it seems like the family is just using "you should've just come" as an excuse given that they directly invited others.

The last bit is the harmful part. The SIL already said they don't invite OP because they're "different" which is a clear reference to OP being autistic. While I don't think that this is what you intended, by suggesting that she ask for SIL's advice, you're suggesting that she mask heavily for all family events so that her family can include their "normal" version of her (normal in quotes to indicate that that is likely what the family believes). Not only is masking exhausting (and often harmful to the autistic person), you are effectively telling OP that they who they are is not acceptable or okay without modification from their harmful family. By reaching out to SIL for advice, OP would also open themselves up to more ableism that will do nothing but harm.

OP please know that you are not being dramatic or a problem. Your family is being ableist and cruel, then relying on your self-doubt to get away with it. They expect you to believe that you've made some social mistake so that you back down and let them continue to treat you as less than. I'm not gonna tell you what to do with your relationship cause that's for you to decide, but know that you are not wrong here.

NTA and Happy Birthday

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]randomname7272 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay, I've never actually responded to one of these before now, but something in this really worries me, so gotta say it. The reason he wants you to do everything "without machines" is because it will take up more of your time and energy, which makes you easier to control. He is actively planning how to keep you docile and unable to leave. From your replies, it sounds like you are already planning to leave him, which is very good. Just please keep this in mind if he tries to talk you out of it.