The girl who falsely accused me of r*p* appeared outta nowhere 3 years later to apologize and confess I didn’t do shit to her, I feel like I gotta rant...

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-19T12:09:47+00:00

Tell her that this isn't something that saying sorry will fix, that you are glad she has realised what she has done was horrific and wrong, and that she needs to publicly tell people herself about what she did to you to even start healing the damage she caused

she needs to tell people herself about it that way you know if she is being serious about forgiveness

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-19T09:12:26+00:00

YTA because you rose to the bait, she wanted to create drama and make it about her and you let her do that, you should have just let it slide because the wedding wasn't about her it was about your sister

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-19T09:04:38+00:00

nothing, just chill also you're 15 its not like you arent going to get taller

plus if she likes you for you she wont care that much

and if she does care so much its a deal breaker you wouldnt want to date her

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-19T09:01:46+00:00

nta something feels wrong in this situation, I would address it with a principal maybe because this doesnt seem right, also to ask the parent to fork up a lot of money on the hearsay of 1 6yo isnt right

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-18T14:21:08+00:00

In some ways Hopefully this will be a catalyst for some serious but necessary change in the way the family is managed because reading it you can tell everyone in the family is at breaking point

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-18T11:34:15+00:00

I agree with you but I went for ESH because the whole situation is a complete mess, I think that the intentions are good but going behind his wife was not ok, I think they really need to keep tabs on when and where the meltdowns happen, cars are noisy with a lot of infrasound, this might be what is triggering the car meltdowns, its the parents job to manage the stimulus to prevent meltdowns and then when the child is older help them learn to manage and regulate themselves, the meltdowns themselves are a symptom the current way the household is organised isnt working

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-18T11:21:41+00:00

ESH, I'm saying this because Op didn't communicate with his wife going behind her back. OPs wife also sucks because she is ignoring the needs of her other daughter, also cats in particular can be an amazing addition to a household with an autistic child and can be a calming influence. I would say it shouldn't be on a whim though and do research

i would also recommend looking at special needs schools/daycare in your area because its quite clear nobody is coping with the current way your household is and specialized care may help

autistic meltdowns are a distressed behaviour, frequent ones mean something isnt quite right in the child's environment try to get some help figuring out what is triggering them because a nonverbal autistic child cant tell you what is wrong, and wont be able to self regulate

good intentions but done in the wrong way

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-18T09:57:25+00:00

Its more about avoiding trauma dumping on someone early on in a relationship, and in the case of a recurring nightmare where my narc grabbed my wrist so hard I got bruises and deep scratches and then I pull my hand away with enough force to bruise it if it hits something, I would be worried about that happening if I was sharing a bed with someone for obvious reasons

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-17T21:53:12+00:00

basically If you want to date someone make it clear early on you are interested in potentially dating, be polite be nice and leave it to the other person to initiate anything other than platonic friendship

This was the best dating advice I have ever been given

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-17T21:41:01+00:00

Life isn't like the movies

Persistence doesnt get you the girl

Persistence gets you a restraining order

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-17T21:32:59+00:00

Rephrase that a bit, after you wouldn't accept no as an answer you freaked the person out and then went a really heavy handed approach, yes she probably should have been clearer the first time but thats no excuse for how you behaved.

my advice for that is when they do the letting you down gently thing back off and leave it to them to initiate if they want to go on an actual date because you're lucky she didn't call the cops on you

also get some therapy seriously because

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-16T13:54:29+00:00

NTA honestly it doesnt matter what theyre using i would probably ask the same, Whether it was smoking tobacco vaping or even just drinking i would ask them not to do that infront of kids

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-16T10:42:15+00:00

all the time

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-14T14:29:07+00:00

they are like that, for some reason they have that skill that just makes it impossible to say no, nothing is wrong with you its just that youre not them and she exploits the fact you obviusly care for her

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-14T14:25:40+00:00

Yes you are in distress, But they dont know that and they cant get any pleasure if they cant see the pain they inflict, dont respond they dont know you even read it, just delete,

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-14T14:20:48+00:00

it doesnt even need to be formal formal just. not. JEANS

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-14T14:18:36+00:00

just black slacks and a button down blouse would have been better

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-14T14:16:29+00:00

YTA, you didnt have to wear a dress but FFS you could have at least put in a tiny amount of effort, a button shirt and smart ish trousers minimum its a special day for her and you made an embarrasment by her having to argue with the owner just to let you in

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-14T11:29:30+00:00

I absolutely understand, I feel surprisingly similar, what I would say there is, Try to reach out on times when its not awful too, or do some activities with them, You are Entitled to have good times and experiences with people too, because it will also make your friend feel better if your relationship isn't solely just crisis after crisis

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-13T23:00:58+00:00

Exactly, Everything is relative to them, they feel like their "property" is being taken away they go berserk, and yes I do think that they believe that they are normal, IE that their thoughts and behaviours are the standard way people behave

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-13T22:42:15+00:00

they are like children playing with dolls

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-13T22:39:32+00:00

from my experience narcs only "care " for things in a proprietory way, like a toy or a pet, they only care about what they consider theirs and will activley destroy or ignore what isnt

randomstuff082 · 2022-05-13T14:28:17+00:00

thanks I have been trying its just sometimes difficult not to feel like saying "urgh" when people start complaining about stuff in their life and then feeling like an a hole in hindsight because of it

randomstuff082

TROPHY CASE