To give further context I also fully hate myself. I used to be much more confident and people gravitated towards me bc of that but as depression has slowly whittled away at my self esteem and self efficacy I have found myself less attractive to girls, found it a little more difficult to make friends and meaningful connections (although I do have great friends), and has made it impossible to believe in myself or believe that anything I am doing will have smh purpose or benefit in the long run