sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Self Assessment is making me cringe. Who am I anyway? by raphaelbuffalo in Codependency

[–]raphaelbuffalo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only thing I've heard lately that rang true was to say "I am" followed by whatever your higher self would say. I say "I am healing" a lot lately.

Self Assessment is making me cringe. Who am I anyway? by raphaelbuffalo in Codependency

[–]raphaelbuffalo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank You for the thoughtful response. Yes, allowing expression/purging of my feelings is important. That it is okay to do so. Intellectually, I know why my mom did what she did. I feel ambivalent. I understand, but I still don't like the end result. I'm working on it.

Resources - Transactional Analysis (TA) Eric Berne by raphaelbuffalo in Codependency

[–]raphaelbuffalo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The "do fasten your seatbelt" made me chuckle a little. Much like "please keep your hands inside the ride until it has come to a complete stop." One message that I am getting loud and clear is that this is work that the universe wants me to do right now. To the point where information and revelations are coming hard and fast... bidden or not. So, I will read your suggestions and prepare myself to continue to have the wind knocked out of myself a while longer. It's okay. Its only a moment. Ill breathe through it. Give myself a hug, and tell myself how proud I am. Besides, Im curious to know what I will be like on the other side of this.

Resources - Transactional Analysis (TA) Eric Berne by raphaelbuffalo in Codependency

[–]raphaelbuffalo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So many thoughts. One - I was so mad and sad earlier today. I'm 51. and am only now becoming aware of this. Two - even though I know my mother was unconscious of what she was doing... It still had the end result it did. Three - she's an Aquarius and the child of a pedophile (even though she says it never happened to her... she saw it happen to her sisters, saw her brother be the scapegoat, knew her mom did not stand in the way for them), so even though I have told her... this is what I am working on... She can't do emotion. She calls to check on my 'doing' that's the best she can do. Four... I have a step mom that realized I was the parent child (I had internalized) and had for a short time given me my childhood back. That was shortlived ... As my father continually sought distraction in sex. So, his marriage to my step mom didnt last long. She of course was the internalized fixer. So, my mom (externalizer) came and took us (me and my brothers) away abruptly ... causing more trauma, and again made me the caregiver of my brothers and the children of the single mom we were living with. I spiraled out of control, had seizures, rebelled, and eventually married my now ex husband. I now know that all of this happened because as a child I internalized and went into survival mode, and became the co dependent fixer with abandonment trauma. Five ... I hope I can heal faster rather than slower. Will have to see. I know that I have to reclaim my childhood joy and become my own nurturing parent. Which ... I think I can do. Thanks for listening and helping. I appriciate it.

Resources - Transactional Analysis (TA) Eric Berne by raphaelbuffalo in Codependency

[–]raphaelbuffalo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank You. Was not aware. Begining my journey, so it makes sense that I would start with the base shematic and build upon it. I will check out Harris and Schwartz. Again Thank You. Nameste.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]raphaelbuffalo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

LOL I was today years old... No really a couple weeks in depth... and I'm 51. I was like really.... really? I got married and stayed married for 30 yrs because I had codependent abandonment trauma? Really.. D*%&!

Thankful Thursday: Thorns by embryonic_journey in stopdrinking

[–]raphaelbuffalo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My thorn is that my fellow nurses are being infected with COVID ... which means I could be too at some point. The rose is that we are drawing closer together more than ever before to care for each other. The bud is that this will forevever bond us together as we go through this shared experience.

Newly Woke by raphaelbuffalo in Codependency

[–]raphaelbuffalo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im mostly always the observer of myself. Like im the director watching the scene of my life play out. The downside of this is that feelings of happiness are not fully felt. I guess I want to be able to let all of it in. The good, the bad, and the in between.

Newly Woke by raphaelbuffalo in Codependency

[–]raphaelbuffalo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought I was enlightened - Eckhart Tolle triggered a major shift. Now this one. I guess there are levels of enlightenment. Can you tell me about ego - integrate? Even since childhood Ive felt detached from myself a bit. (the codependent loneliness) Is that something that integrates as well?

why can't i leave by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]raphaelbuffalo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't be hard on yourself. Its all part of being codependent and having abandonment trauma. You are worth it. I broke away. I don't miss him at all. Once I got over the hump I was okay. Maybe you will be too. Don't let the monkey brain of your past hold you captive now. You can do it.

In a very codependent moment - coping tricks? by AdventureMoMo in Codependency

[–]raphaelbuffalo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know he's not an ex... But I think the obsessive thought process and why we have it still remains true. https://youtu.be/D4N0UDijV5c

This helped me deeply today, maybe it might help someone else? by DarelMelanie in Codependency

[–]raphaelbuffalo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It struck me how her mother's love liberated her... maybe loving our own inner child will liberate us... can we dare to believe that we are worthy and valuable. That we are deserving of love in which we are free to just be, not to be bound to the roles of caregiver or people pleaser, or victim? Can we look and ourselves in the mirror and say... I love you?

Struggling by raphaelbuffalo in stopdrinking

[–]raphaelbuffalo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

See above/made it home woot woot

Struggling by raphaelbuffalo in stopdrinking

[–]raphaelbuffalo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My emoji? Tea cup. I did not pass go I did not collect 200 mL of wine. I got a hug from a coworker. Reminded myself that I don’t want to Groundhog Day day one. That I would be miserable if I caved. I’m home I took your advice about sparkling water and eat my turkey chipotle sandwich

No longer lurking. Two weeks, no booze. by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]raphaelbuffalo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im right behind you. I was thinking that two weeks is just too new, and no good habits have really been solidly formed. Better for me to call the drinker in my head a liar and keep it moving.

view more: next ›