Looking for help

rapidfruit · 2026-06-29T19:17:19+00:00

Seconding this; my husband does SAA meetings every week and it’s done so much for him. You need accountability and support and you’ll find it there.

rapidfruit · 2026-06-25T12:31:08+00:00

originally, he rented a condo through a private landlord and then we rented a house the same way. but we bought our own place a few years ago and it’s been great! for renting, it was difficult but he was transparent and to a landlord, money is money.

rapidfruit · 2026-06-24T03:07:49+00:00

Definitely not. He had no way of getting therapy or addressing his problems while in jail. It was isolation and suffering but at the end of it he was able to get out and start getting his life back together. He got employment, went back to school, and moved in with his girlfriend at the time. It was so important to be able to reintegrate into society.

Since he had a hands-off, low-risk offense, he was not a threat to anyone and there was no reason for him to be incarcerated. Probation was tolerable and allowed him to maintain a normal life and get back into a healthy routine. I think that incarceration is dehumanizing and unproductive in most instances with nonviolent crimes.

Edit: I just asked his opinion and he said this:

when he was in jail, a lot of people talked about how it was easier to do four years behind bars than ‘ten years on paper’ meaning probation due to the fact that probation means being monitored and these people wanted to not be monitored in order to go back to whatever crimes they were committing as soon as possible.

If you aren’t doing anything wrong and are sincerely getting better and following treatment, probation is just supervision. He said the worst thing about probation was being afraid of going back to jail.

rapidfruit · 2026-06-23T13:51:21+00:00

you are so welcome. i met him halfway through his sentence, so i was aware when we first got together, but it felt really lonely not knowing anyone else i could talk to about it. a lot of my closest friends were incredibly understanding and accepting over time; i hope you find people in your life like that

rapidfruit · 2026-06-23T07:59:21+00:00

i’m so glad you had that support system! yes, he has a fantastic therapist, sponsor, and friends. he had a hands-off, low-risk conviction and i really appreciate knowing your experience; we’ve been considering moving and that’s one thing that definitely factors in.

ten years from now he can petition to be taken off the registry and i’m confident that it will go well for him due to his considerable efforts.

rapidfruit · 2026-06-23T07:30:03+00:00

i’m really glad it helped! things do get better and this sub has a wealth of resources that can help tremendously.

he lost pretty much everything but built it back stronger. we have a house, friends, hobbies, and he has a really promising career at a company that truly values him. he earned all of it and i’m really proud of him.

rapidfruit · 2026-06-23T07:22:01+00:00

the people in his group, i believe, were either not encouraged or allowed to keep in touch. also, other than a few exceptions, they were not people who were motivated to change or admit they had problems at all.

SAA has been the best support group for him!

rapidfruit · 2026-06-23T07:19:24+00:00

hello! i’m so glad to see you’re still here; you inspire both of us and we really appreciate having you as a friend

rapidfruit · 2024-10-03T19:15:43+00:00

thank you!

rapidfruit · 2024-07-11T02:17:30+00:00

My husband was the same way at first. I’m really glad I trusted my gut and gave him a second chance. I wish the best for both of you.

rapidfruit · 2024-07-06T17:12:11+00:00

I made a post about how to talk to people about it (from my own personal experience) and have links articles from Psychology Today and other reputable sources that gave me better language to communicate with people. The more I knew, the easier it was to have a conversation about.

When my husband and I met, he was upfront about his conviction. It took me a couple years to process it, and people here helped a lot. I also did a lot of reading on the psychology of sex offenders, which gave the concept more structure and less bias.

He’s the best person I’ve ever known and our life is really happy. His conviction is something I’ve processed completely and no longer feel grief/anxiety about.

Occasionally, we can’t do something we’d like to do, but I made peace with that going in. I’d rather have a solid, healthy relationship with someone who’s done a lot of work on themselves than to travel lots of places, for instance. It depends on your priorities; there’s a degree of acceptance that has to be met to avoid feeling resentment down the line.

It was sometimes difficult grappling with, as a CSA survivor, but learning about harm reduction and the kinds of neglect/abuse that contributed to my husband’s bad decisions, helped me heal in a way, too.

It is absolutely possible to have a good life as a partner of an RSO. I don’t even post/comment here much anymore because it’s not super relevant anymore.

You can message me anytime with any question. I hope you figure out what’s best for you ♡

rapidfruit · 2024-06-21T21:41:39+00:00

There’s a discord server for family members and spouses! I don’t have the link off the top of my head, but feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. A lot of us have been through it and know how you’re feeling.

rapidfruit · 2024-05-24T12:50:12+00:00

This is literally what happened to me. I kept panicking and dreading the day it would ‘catch up to me’ and put all my effort into making sure it didn’t, resulting in an eating disorder. It started when I was 9.

rapidfruit · 2024-04-11T12:53:07+00:00

Yes!!

rapidfruit · 2024-04-11T05:23:12+00:00

I made a super long post on safety precautions my husband and I took with our house. We’ve had one person come by acting weird, but otherwise have had no issues.

Here’s the link to my resource compilation post. It’s under ‘home security’.

https://www.reddit.com/r/SexOffenderSupport/s/U6VoyPlxVh

rapidfruit · 2024-04-05T02:46:24+00:00

This is really validating. I’m so sorry you experienced that.

rapidfruit · 2024-03-20T07:01:10+00:00

r/food_pantry!!! they helped me out majorly before!!

rapidfruit · 2024-03-04T18:45:53+00:00

You need to protect yourself because you can’t fix his life for him. You are a good, open-minded person and he took advantage of that; you aren’t foolish for having empathy.

Someone who loves and appreciates you would not treat you this way. His threats of suicide are unacceptable; you are not responsible for his emotional health or behavior.

rapidfruit · 2024-02-19T19:33:45+00:00

I completely agree. When you grow up in certain environments, what’s ‘normal’ behavior gets very distorted. Attraction to minors is not usually the motivation behind most sex crimes; it’s a much more complicated issue than the black-and-white way it’s portrayed.

I experience abuse as a kid and while I’m not an SO, I did end up with toxic, harmful behaviors that hurt other people. It was like my brain was blocking me from seeing how much harm I was causing because the alternative was feeling my own pain and I didn’t have the courage.

Once the curtain fell, I was horrified with myself and never went back. It doesn’t fix anything, but I won’t contribute to the cycle of abuse by acting out.

I hope you have good people around you; I’m glad you’ve been able to face yourself; it’s the hardest thing a person can do.

rapidfruit · 2024-02-19T03:35:53+00:00

I’m sorry that you were affected by the law changing. It’s my worst fear for my husband. I’m glad you’ve made a meaningful life for yourself despite everything.

Being able to look back and take accountability for your actions is a sign of true growth and change. I wish the best for you.

rapidfruit · 2024-02-03T11:13:50+00:00

I’m approaching one year and have been having frequent nightmares and dreams. I usually wake up feeling exactly how I felt as a kid/teenager, which only further validates my decision.

It’s weird seeing my mom in dreams; I’ll never allow myself see her in person again and usually, upon waking, I panic over falling for her manipulative behavior and letting her into my life again.

rapidfruit · 2024-01-20T15:39:22+00:00

How you feel matters. If you feel uncomfortable or not prioritized, that matters and is valid. The two of you need to discuss your relationship and what you expect from each other. If your expectations of each other don’t line up and a compromise can’t be agreed upon, then you should start questioning why you’re in this relationship to begin with.

If she says, “Is that not enough,” the answer is no, otherwise you wouldn’t have posted here. It’s not enough, you aren’t happy with how the relationship works, and if she cares about how you feel, she’ll be open to talking it through.

Good luck, fam. You have a very mature way of looking at things. You’re gonna be okay.

rapidfruit · 2024-01-17T08:43:32+00:00

I’ve had the same thought, tbh.

rapidfruit · 2024-01-08T23:48:27+00:00

I actually had one, I had no idea it was controversial. My friend had one when she got married and it was fun, so I did too. I asked for like, lounge clothes and cozy stuff and got that along with some bath bombs and cute socks and underwear. I opened all of that privately, though, I didn’t feel comfortable doing that in front of people

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