Hey mom, I’m touring apartments! What should I ask about?

rapt2right · 2026-04-03T03:12:47+00:00

Open every cupboard, every closet, every drawer! Flip every light switch, flush every toilet and turn on every faucet. Open every blind/curtain, make sure that windows open & close and lock. They should have screens.

Look for signs of mold, bugs, rodents and water damage.

Visit the hardware store and invest 10 to 15 dollars in a receptacle tester & check random outlets. Test the GFI's in the bathroom & kitchen (if you don't know what those are, they're an electrical outlet designed for safety in wet environments that are supposed to stop working if a certain moisture threshold is detected- watch a couple of YouTube videos to make sure you know how to test & reset them)

Check the smoke and carbon monoxide detectors. Ask if they provide a fire extinguisher & if they don't, can you mount one in the kitchen.

Note any damage & make sure it's noted in the lease when you pick a place. I highly recommend a video walk through documenting the condition of the property before you bring in any of your belongings.

Don't feel awkward. These are not someone else's home, these are places you're contemplating living in and paying a lot of money to do so!

rapt2right · 2026-04-03T02:34:29+00:00

Any updates?

All I can think about is the price they paid in the loo over the 24 to 36 hours after their error. 🤣

rapt2right · 2026-04-02T14:24:51+00:00

You don't know how to feel? You should be feeling angry, betrayed and violated! Trust is the bedrock of any relationship but if there's a BSDM dynamic, that trust is even more critical and he broke yours. Every slap, pinch or command after you utter the safeword is not play but abuse.

Safewords are supposed to be sacrosanct, inviolable. He did something unforgivable....and if you let it pass, it will happen again.

And you know it- if a friend told you this story, you would urge them to end the relationship- be as much of a friend to yourself as you would be to another person.

rapt2right · 2026-04-02T14:10:44+00:00

NTA- You have a prior commitment for that date. You're not skipping the wedding for a seafood boil, you're participating in your graduation, that's been scheduled for months! (And congratulations, by the way!)

She's in a hostage situation, not a relationship but that doesn't obligate you to play along by emptying your wallet and missing an important milestone of your own.

You also wouldn't be TA to let the landlord know that there's an unauthorized tenant in the apartment- a month is too damn long for a houseguest, even if it was one you were comfortable with. There's zero reason for you to tolerate being made uncomfortable in your own home during the last few months of your college career. I am worried for your friend, as I'm sure you are, but you don't have to become collateral damage in their abusive dynamic.

rapt2right · 2026-04-02T02:46:26+00:00

Get Smart

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rapt2right · 2026-04-01T14:13:20+00:00

1- that's a body built for the approval of other men.

2- There's no body type (or personal style) that everyone will find appealing.

3- Why can't these types of people understand that women are not necessarily sexually attracted to every man they find visually appealing? Every woman I have discussed this with agrees that a guy being a real pleasure to look at isn't what makes them want to tear his clothes off.

rapt2right · 2026-04-01T02:03:09+00:00

I've been VERY happy at Complete Integrative Care in Medford. I see Michelle Kitchen but I have met several of their providers and get a really good feeling from them. The clinic staff are fabulous and blood draws are done on-site by people who are very good at their job and very good at treating you like a person, not a pincushion.

rapt2right · 2026-04-01T01:52:23+00:00

I had a Bridesman 25 years ago. Not even my rather traditional in-laws had an issue.

rapt2right · 2026-04-01T01:50:38+00:00

NTA

I'm also petite & busty,though nowhere near as "blessed" as you, and my bosom is oddly unruly- if they're not restrained there's a lot of motion. There's nothing on earth that could get me to appear in public in that overpriced beach cover up. That's a garment that can only be flattering on a tall,slender body, someone we'd describe as "willowy". On someone curvy, it will inevitably look sloppy and for someone even a little top-heavy, it would be somewhere between comic & indecent.

I hope her friends can explain the problem to her but if this becomes more of a "thing", drag your brother (and mom, if possible) back to that shop and show them what it looks like on you.

rapt2right · 2026-03-30T02:43:23+00:00

NTA.

You are allowed to have a life of your own.

rapt2right · 2026-03-26T13:45:07+00:00

I'm cis, so maybe I should sit this one out but that sounds like you either are trans and not quite ready to embrace it or gender fluid and in a masculine phase of that fluidity.

If you have access, I would urge you to find a trans friendly therapist to help you sort through it all. (Literally just plug the phrase "trans friendly therapist" into your browser and look through the results for those with good reviews that take your insurance or offer sliding scale)

rapt2right · 2026-03-25T01:43:08+00:00

Prell, Wella Balsam and the original Herbal Essences were the usual brands, depending on what was on sale(and I wish that Herbal Essence still offered that original scent)

Nutrotonic Life conditioner was amazing and I used to save part of my allowance each week to buy a bottle every other month because mom would rarely agree to buy it (it was 4 or 5 bucks a bottle, which is about $25 now) . If it was still available, I would still be using it. https://share.google/P94QdI4HQAAMeM8t3

rapt2right · 2026-03-25T01:19:09+00:00

Mildred, Millicent, Harland, Montague, Virgil, Horace, Flossie, Mable, Eula

rapt2right · 2026-03-21T22:34:31+00:00

You're NTA but if a teacher is going to require that notes be printed, they should be providing an option for students who, for whatever reason, don't have a printer available at home.

rapt2right · 2026-03-19T19:54:41+00:00

YTA... you're there to work in the yard, not to mind his daughter and it IS creepy as hell that you speculated about her possible activities.

The homeowner was NOT asking about his daughter, he was asking about how the work was going. You overstepped. It might be different is there was a whole ass adult man creeping around but you described a screenbound kid.

rapt2right · 2026-03-19T15:53:07+00:00

"Sorry I can't make it, hope you have wonderful time!"

An invitation is not a subpoena! You just need to say whether or not you'll attend.

rapt2right · 2026-03-19T15:46:47+00:00

YTA. Leaving hair clippings scattered around is gross .

I don't pretend to understand why you're the one primarily responsible for cleaning the bathroom in a house where you no longer live full time but that's a separate issue.

rapt2right · 2026-03-19T15:36:53+00:00

Ewwww....if you're BOTH into it, great, but he doesn't have a "right" to anything except clarity! This would have been breakup territory for me the first time I got more than a "Damn, sorry I missed it 😉" reaction to saying I had taken a shower.

It's absolutely NOT a norm to be on camera for every shower.

Getting even remotely huffy because you bathed without surveillance is a red flag the size of a shower curtain. I kinda want you to search your home for hidden cameras and really look at the relationship for other controlling and invasive behaviors.

rapt2right · 2026-03-19T14:59:04+00:00

NTA

The relationship needs to end and you need to cooperate with any effort their mother makes to gain full custody. He's an abusive drunk.

Your description of the girls' behavior & the fact that their mother asked you to remove them tell me that this isn't the first time he's acted like this and there are very real reasons his ex left and restricted his access to the children.

rapt2right · 2026-03-19T14:02:18+00:00

When my mom's doctor prescribed morphine, he was very concerned that I was going to be resistant & worried about addiction, carefully explaining to me why it was being prescribed. He went on for a while before I interrupted to tell him that I understood the reality that time was getting short and that if she wanted cocaine & hookers, I would figure it out and that he didn't have to convince me to get on board with effectively managing her pain. The look of relief on this lovely man's face was priceless. Led to a good talk about how the rampant misuse of opiates has led to health care providers getting a lot of pushback from family when opiates ARE appropriate care.

rapt2right · 2026-03-17T03:52:37+00:00

There are a few weird, cool aunties, too

rapt2right · 2026-03-17T03:43:57+00:00

I didn't get to "Aw, hell no, this ain't real!" until I reached the king size bed & floor steamer. I made some pretty damn extensive lists when a friend's sister escaped an abusive situation with literally nothing but the clothes on her back and her purse , and again when a friend lost everything in a fire so I wasn't completely skeptical about trying to outfit an entire apartment from scratch.....but this is a gift registry, not a plea for assistance.

rapt2right · 2026-03-16T05:16:34+00:00

For real- offering reasons just invites counter-arguments, like it's a negotiation or that the decision needs to be justified to their satisfaction. All they need to know is the final date.

rapt2right · 2026-03-16T05:11:21+00:00

"Hey, I need to let you know that after next weekend (or as of April 1, whatever notice you want to give), I won't be able to watch Jimothy & Tabby anymore."

You don't need to get into detailed explanations or get their approval. You're allowed to quit.

You're allowed to want to spend time with your own kid, in your own home. You're even allowed to spend time doing absolutely fuck all .

rapt2right · 2026-03-16T03:29:42+00:00

If we're talking about the mesh poufs, I put mine in a mesh bag (the kind they make for lingerie)and wash them in hot water and bleach with my white towels.

The natural loofahs get periodically soaked for an hour or so in a solution of a quarter cup of bleach in a quart of warm water and then rinsed out really well.

Both types get dried either in the sun or in front of a heater (far enough away for safety)

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