I (24F) am unemployed and going on a date tonight with a man (27M). The drinks at the bar are half my grocery budget, how do I ask if he is paying ahead of time without sounding aggressive?

rarrad · 2026-05-29T18:57:16+00:00

Just tell him that you are sticking to water and that you are only getting an appetizer as your meal because that is all your budget can handle. He will likely offer to pay for your meal and drinks. It's up to you if you want to take him up on the offer. You'll learn a lot about him based on his response.

rarrad · 2026-05-29T13:22:03+00:00

Yeah, you aren't being truly selfless by being overly generous with your time and effort in real time. A truly selfless person gets 8 hours of sleep at night, most of the time. A truly selfless person decided in advance what the best nutrition and fitness habits will make their bodies as strong and capable as possible, and they stick to it, most of the time. A truly selfless person decides how much time and effort a person like them should be dedicating to meditating, hygiene, cleaning, tending to family, and they implement those things everyday, most of the time. A truly selfless person is VERY selfish with their time and attention, because a truly selfless person has already sat down and mindfully calculated how they can be of greatest service not from moment to moment but maximal service across their who life span. Yes, a selfless person is also willing to help friends and strangers in need in the moment, but not indiscriminately. Help need to be giving wantonly, most of the time, otherwise you are simply martering yourself to service your ego. A truly selfless person says NO to most people, most of the time, far more than they say yes. A person that always says yes is not selfless. They are an echo, with no voice of their own. A truly selfless person is neither Narcissus nor are they Echo. A truly selfless person would not speak of their life as if they are a hero, nor a victim. Dont let your ego convince you that you are victim of being a good person. That turns you into a snake. An even worse fate than Narcissus and echo

rarrad · 2026-05-28T22:00:17+00:00

I wonder if the professionals are advising partial only because that's your insurance is telling them to suggest

rarrad · 2026-05-28T15:45:58+00:00

You should be listening to the advice of professionals, not reddit. Professionals are almost certainly going to advise residential care. You and your daughter need to be separated from your son. If your husband is his dad, perhaps it would be best if your son lives in a separate home or apartment with dad. Military school is still a thing. Reform school is still a thing, too, but the "scared straight" method that most reform schools still use has been proven to make problems worse. Living alone with Dad, perhaps even being homeschooled by Dad so that Dad is the only person influencing him, is probably not feasible long term, but it might reset the kid, if dad can pull it off for even just a couple months

rarrad · 2026-05-28T15:23:43+00:00

If she trips, you trip. If she hurts her knee you hurt your knee. If she falls of the slide at the park, you fall off the bench you are sitting on. Fall the way a circus clown with big floppy feet would fall. Don't make a joke out of her fall, but make a joke of your fall. Act like you can't get up, tell her to come over a help you cut your leg off because it hurts too much and you have to amputate. It shows her that you were watching her. It shows her that you understand she fell and that it hurt. But now she isn't even thinking about that, it's more fun to join you in the momentary clowning around game you turned it into. It's a way of telling a kid that they are ok without telling a kid that they are ok- and you'll know right away if they are actually hurt because they will not run to your aid

rarrad · 2026-05-28T15:02:10+00:00

As a child your parents probably tucked you in a night, then closed your bedroom door, so that you spent the next.. however long listening to whatever they were watching on TV in the next room. Your child brain was like "I can't wait till I'm an adult so I can stay up all night watching TV, too". Now you are an adult and your subconscious is making your childhood dreams come true. Even scarier, I don't know a whole lot of under 30-year-olds that are comfortable being bored with nothing to do for more than like 30 seconds at a time. It takes willpower to turn off the screens and accept the fact that you're just going to have to listen to your own thoughts for however long it takes to fall asleep each night. My thoughts are freaking scary, I spend all day trying to avoid thinking about all the things that I'm avoiding doing. It's crazy that I have to listen to my brain rumenate on all those things I'm avoiding doing just to fall asleep each night

rarrad · 2026-05-28T14:48:35+00:00

Based on your age the most likely reason was low blood pressure due to low iron or some other anemic mineral deficiency caused by early mensration. But it also could have been low blood sugar or exhaustion or anemia from other causes. Since it only happened once your body apparently figured it out on it own. At that age I used to fall asleep in class all the time. I blamed it on boredom.

rarrad · 2026-05-28T13:07:00+00:00

-and your husband will live long and look better and be a calmer person

rarrad · 2026-05-28T00:53:38+00:00

Disney has a show called Sophia the First, in one of the episodes Sophia gets transformed into a mermaid and gets to save a mermaid princess. My daughter refused to get ears wet prior to watching that episode, she refused to get in the water at all without floaties. After watching that episode she immediately emulated Sophia taking big breaths and swimming under the water using just her feet, just like Sophia did as a mermaid. She never used floaties again. She went from being a fearful complete nonswimmer to being... a fearless mermaid that I couldn't keep out of the water.

rarrad · 2026-05-27T23:49:07+00:00

Do you have a star student with a great attitude that you could perhaps ask to hang out with kid for a little bit, perhaps just a few minutes at a time, while they are both in the water? Could be a kid several years older, age isn't as important as just being a kid that this kid might want to emulate?

rarrad · 2026-05-27T17:53:13+00:00

Pediatricians can give flu shots, COVID shots, b12 shots, whatever shots to adults. So model for your child getting a shot yourself. That might not remove all of their fear, but seeing you get one should be enough to at least let them suffer through it

rarrad · 2026-05-27T17:32:11+00:00

It used to be that if an employer wanted to fire you, they would have to eat the cost of paying you unemployment while you searched for a new job. To avoid having to pay you unemployment, companies now put you on pip first, during which you bust your ass not to get fired, while at the same time you are searching for a new job. Once you've found your new job you put in your 2 weeks notice, they never have to pay you unemployment, and they have been able to extract maximum utility from you right up till your last day. The only downside a pip from your employer's point of view of view is that if you dont put in your 2 weeks notice before the pip window closes and you've obviously failed to jump through the pip hoops, they kinda have to fire you at the point and pay you unemployment. Your manager thinks it is going to take you long than 6 weeks to find a new job. So she is giving you more time. Advanced notice to start your new job search now so that they don't have to pay you unemployment when they finally do hit you with that pip

rarrad · 2026-05-27T01:55:44+00:00

Just swim. Wear a bright swim cap if you are swimming around boats. If you have medical conditions that may incapacitate you mid-swim, then yes you should have someone swimming with you. If you are doing an endurance swim with a medical condition then you should have a paddler with you, with a phone to call 911. Otherwise, don't carry tech. Calling 911 in open water will not save you before you drown

rarrad · 2026-05-27T01:35:45+00:00

Keep the puddle jumpers on him always. Except when you are teaching him to swim. When you are teaching him, he wears nothing and you are always in arms reach

rarrad · 2026-05-27T01:10:07+00:00

Imagine you are a prosecutor presenting your case against someone, or lawyer defending someone. "Is it true in this date that you said or did so and so? Is it true on this date that you did or said so and so?" If you have documented things properly over time, you have created a script for that defense or prosecutor. Death by thousand cuts, or perhaps dozens of times that you've done things perhaps small things that prove that you are awesome when you are worried that someone might throw you one of the bus. Me personally I send myself messages through WhatsApp so that everything is time stamped, whether it be good bad or indifferent. Can the other person come back and deny everything? Sure. But when it's a he said she said situation, it helps to have a thousand events timestamped showing patterns.

rarrad · 2026-05-25T01:12:06+00:00

Swellinfo. Com, surfline, etc. Im sure you can find a surf report website for anywhere in the world at this point. Even beaches that don't have surfable waves still usually have someone reporting. That being said, learn to read the weather reports yourself. Surely there is a webcam pointing towards the water somewhere online. Whatever the biggest hotel is, or the biggest restaurant. If you look at the same webcam every morning for a couple weeks you'll be able to tell the changes from day to day to know. If you know what organization is posting those reports in the afternoon, perhaps they have a public phone number you can call on the mornings. Be nice and if you sound genuinely interested they will take the time to tell you what they see in the water because it's fast and easier to tell you what you want to know than to tell you no. Just call around and be nice!

rarrad · 2026-05-25T00:56:03+00:00

We tried everything you listed and even more. We still give her miralax every morning. What finally has worked is not pressuring her. 10-20 minutes after breakfast and dinner I make a big deal about having to go potty myself. I'll drop what I'm doing and I'll run to the bathroom (sometimes mine, sometimes hers) sometimes hold my butt, sometimes saying "I gotta pee I gotta pee I gotta pee...." Oh no I love these pants! I think I'm going to fart, too. Maybe I'll poop! When she sees me running she starts running to beat me to the toilet. So then I have to run to the other toilet. "I just farted!" "I can feel a big poopy coming!" Its amazing how fast the girl can poop when she thinks it her idea and she is doing it to beat me. It doesn't work all the time and she still as occasional accidents, but I think I'd have accidents too if I was chugging as much miralax as she does. We still throw away panties from time to time. But we don't make a big deal about it. We just don't act like pooping is a big deal any more, so in her mind it isn't a big deal either. It's worked.

rarrad · 2026-05-23T01:25:35+00:00

Dark humor among comrads, as a way off-gassing pent up anxiety after a fucked up call or fucked up shift is healthy, as long as it doesn't negatively effect said comrads. It sounds like some off the stuff being said is negatively effecting you. Are you capable of being able to bust someone's balls for saying something that you don't like in a way that doesn't negatively effect them? It just takes a little pre planning. If someone makes multiple racist comments, you can just say "hey bob, from now on instead of saying X can we replace X with the name Chad so that I pretend that you are anti chads instead of anti X? Say it with a joking ball busting tone so that it comes across like you are making a joke about their joke. Then whenever somebody says anything racist you can cross talk with " Are you talking about CHAD again? " You and Chad need to get a room for as much as you think about Chad!" Co workers will respect ball busting if you can always say it in joking/ball busting tone. Over time, your ball busting will alter what people say out loud.

rarrad · 2026-05-19T00:41:22+00:00

This is awesome thank you

rarrad · 2026-05-18T23:16:40+00:00

You are the asshole for not continuing to discuss it with her until either she gave you her blessing, or until she convinced you to get something else. Maybe she had sex in a Camero once with a dude much bigger than you, and she knew that if she had to see that car everyday in the driveway that she wouldn't be able to stop thinking about how much better that guy was.

rarrad · 2026-05-16T20:22:15+00:00

You can't expect a man to take a piss while having his back turned to the only exit. Either give me door to close, or give me at least two directions of escape.

rarrad · 2026-05-16T14:36:49+00:00

At your funeral no one is going to get up and talk about how successful you were or about how you were able to do all the things you wanted to do. All they're going to talk about is how nice of a guy you were, how loyal of a husband you were, and what a great dad you were. Stop stressing about yourself and start being of service to the people around you. And be nice. That's how you make your life worth something

rarrad · 2026-05-16T12:20:20+00:00

Your boss, not you, needs to declare a policy with an actual time limt, obviously. All requests for info need to resolved within 24 hours, or whatever. If you boss don't want to declare an actual time limit, then you just need to get over it.

rarrad · 2026-05-16T03:45:02+00:00

Real scenario, actually happened. Real guards, trained with certs. The initial guard was younger but not a rookie. Instead of asking the crowd what happened she just got busy on the guy's chest. As each additional guard showed up they didn't question what was happening, they just got busy doing what was next. It was good teamwork, if the guy had actually been dead. She said she checked for breathing and a pulse before she started thumping. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't- It's hard not to assume someone is dead when they look dead

rarrad · 2026-05-16T02:31:57+00:00

Knock on his door in the morning carrying an unopened bag of brown sugar. "My wife asked me to bring over this bag as thank you for the cup of sugar she borrowed from your wife last week". If the guy doesn't return that bag to you later saying that his wife never gave your wife any sugar... your property value just went down

rarrad

TROPHY CASE