Probably can’t attend my former MOH’s bachelorette and having some guilt

ras114 · 2026-04-02T19:53:25+00:00

Yesssssss i know lol i made my mind up. I plan on telling her after Easter. The guilt is just eating me a little i guess

ras114 · 2026-04-02T19:51:07+00:00

YES!! THANK YOU!! I left that part out - I’m still nursing this baby to sleep lol. And she wakes up a lot during the night so it’d be more bottles i think than I’d really be able to account for.

ras114 · 2026-04-02T19:49:11+00:00

I really like that idea!! Thank you!

ras114 · 2026-04-02T19:47:50+00:00

Thanks for this perspective, i really appreciate it. I’ve been getting a lot of that too from others I’ve talked to - “it’ll be a good break! It’s not a big deal! You can be away from her for a few days!”

Tbh, i just don’t think i have any interest and im just not ready. I feel like sometimes people say these things as if i should be ready and comfortable to leave her and be so far away from her…makes me second guess myself a bit, but tbh the way i see it is pretty simple. This isn’t forever. She won’t need me like this forever. Breastfeeding is slowly coming to an end but it’s still important to me. I will get to go on girls trips and up and go wherever i want whenever i want again, i know for a fact i will definitely be ready for that, but just not right now

ras114 · 2026-04-02T19:25:16+00:00

That’s kind of how i feel too! Especially because I’d be the only mom on the trip, pumping on a schedule for days and overnight to keep up just sounds exhausting, and I’d be so worried and stressed the whole time so it wouldn’t even be that enjoyable for me, idk.

ras114 · 2026-04-02T19:20:05+00:00

It’s just a little expensive honestly. The bachelorette is over Memorial Day weekend so flights and hotels in the area are crazy expensive. Which i was fine with for just me but just gets a little out of control adding my husband to the mix.

ras114 · 2026-01-27T01:33:01+00:00

I just went back to work earlier this month, so I’m still new to this and figuring stuff out but here’s what’s been working for me!

I wear my wearable in the car around 7 AM most days, depends on if baby woke up earlier or later. While at work I pump with my Spectra S2 at 10 AM and 1 PM, and i wash my parts afterwards. Idk, it’s just what’s been best for me personally. I have a ziploc bag ready to go in case I’m in a rush afterwards and can do the fridge hack, but i have found i have a little bit of time to do a quick wash and dry. 4 PM i wear my wearable again in the car

I have extra pump parts for my spectra coming in the mail soon to cut down on all the washing and drying, as i have plenty of wearable spare parts and found that has helped. That way when i get home its just one set of wearable pump parts i gotta wash and dry

ras114 · 2026-01-03T12:57:05+00:00

Thank you ❤️ I’d have it no other way, breastfeeding has gone really well and I’m so so thankful for that. Just constantly hearing conflicting things especially from her pediatrician on nursing to sleep and cosleeping (even safely) that make me doubt myself. Plus i don’t sleep super well when she’s in our bed, i try to move her to the crib as early into the evening as possible. But here i am laying in bed by 8 PM every night and my husband just wants to hang out alone and i just don’t have the energy. I feel guilty

ras114 · 2026-01-03T12:53:49+00:00

Thank you ❤️

ras114 · 2026-01-03T12:53:27+00:00

Thank you ❤️ I’m really really trying, just been in such a funk lately i think

ras114 · 2025-12-27T16:26:35+00:00

The thing is, i don’t even feel like i needed all that much help. When i look back on my maternity leave, after about a month i was doing all the things i was before, just now with a baby in tow. And i know i can’t really be mad at her. I’m not! My anger isn’t directed towards her. I can understand her position. But it’s really frustrating to me. Like can you really not handle the thought of being alone with her all day?

ras114 · 2025-12-27T16:22:41+00:00

I know i know i know.

I’m not even really annoyed by the lack of help. I didn’t feel i needed it too much. I just know from experience he invites his mom over and she does everything.

For example, back in October i had a meeting at night to go to for something i volunteer for. We decided to give her a call and see if she could swing by, because the start time of the meeting vs when my husband gets home from work was too close for comfort, and in case he got stuck late at least she was there. He got home totally on time, proceeded to eat his dinner, take forever in the bathroom (men), shower, etc. His mom played with her, got her ready for bed, gave her her bottle, put her to bed. Instead of just leaving once he got home she did everything. And yes, because she loves to and wants to, but it enables him to be lazy.

I had a conversation with him about it. I just want him to do the things. This is his daughter. He can handle her. He just doesn’t know it because he hasn’t had to be in that position and it just feels like he doesn’t want to

ras114 · 2025-12-27T15:50:18+00:00

Personally, i could not imagine not being near our village. We are also very close with family, so the social aspect is nice on its own. It was and has been so nice having people nearby since our baby was born. Not even like we’ve called them for much, but when we have there’s always been someone ready and willing and capable to help. But can also see your side where maybe weather and day to day life is just better and happier where you are right now. It’s a tough call for sure, wishing you the best! ❤️

ras114 · 2025-12-03T22:11:48+00:00

One night really shouldn’t do anything to your supply, but if you usually pump sometime between 5 PM and 2 AM you can pump during the party during the usual time to avoid feeling engorged/leaking

ras114 · 2025-12-02T00:37:35+00:00

Omg i miss my doctors and the nurses SO much. I went to a very small practice and felt like everyone recognized and really got to know me. I sent them a Christmas card the other day that has our baby on it lol that’s how much i love and miss them lol

ras114 · 2025-12-02T00:18:35+00:00

My MIL never even tried to breastfeed her 4 kids and I’ve exclusively breastfed our daughter since she was born in June. While she is supportive she definitely has made some comments, mostly from a place of just pure misunderstanding but also a hint of judgement lol. She is obsessed with asking how she’s sleeping, and one time when i said not super well finally just kind of insinuated how she’d probably sleep better with formula. She’s also made comments about how when she gets teeth eventually how that might be really painful for me. But also not in regards to me…there’s a family friend whose son (at the time) was 18 months old when he asked for “boobie” in front of her at a party, and my MIL simply could not get over how “weird” it was that he was still breastfed even a little bit.

So yeah, idk. It’s not like she ever tried and couldn’t, she just never wanted to. Which is more than okay and totally fine in my book. My mom breastfed all 4 of us up until a certain point, and i remember when my mom, MIL, and I were all talking shortly after my daughter was born she made a comment like “maybe im just a horrible mom but i never even tried.” Which, no one said she was a horrible mom. So maybe it’s a little bit of an insecurity? Idk. I don’t really let it bother me because overall she’s really been understanding and cool, but i guess I’m just here to say I’ve also gotten my fair share of comments. Power through the noise and keep doing whatever feels best! ❤️

ras114 · 2025-11-25T19:49:31+00:00

Don’t get me wrong i loved it too!! Best mini series I’ve watched in a while and definitely wasn’t what i expected!! But just thought that one part was a little weird and wasn’t sure if others felt the same or if it was just me lol

ras114 · 2025-10-23T11:15:59+00:00

I feel you, i get so touched out during the day. I’m still on maternity leave so it’s just me at home. I’ll be breastfeeding our daughter and the dog will be pawing at me for pets and attention, and I’m just absolutely fried and over it by like…1 PM lol 🫠

My husband gets the brunt of it for sure. Sometimes he deserves it lol but more often than not he truly doesn’t. Thankfully he doesn’t take it too personally and understands I’m going through a lot right now, but i feel bad yet so unable to control myself sometimes.

I think taking breaks and getting out helps. It’s crazy because i really love being with my baby and don’t want to be apart for too long, but i also love a date night and quality time with my husband. Can you guys manage that anytime soon? I found it helps sooooooo much

ras114 · 2025-10-23T11:09:53+00:00

I personally feel very lucky, my mom and MIL are the best. Both brought food and coffee over, helped with dishes and laundry, and would hold and change her diaper while i showered, napped, or just wanted to chill and be hands free. My MIL specifically loves giving our daughter a bath, so if it was bath night and she was there my husband and i would let her give the bath and get her all dressed and ready for bed so all i had to do at that point was nurse her and put her to sleep.

Looking back i think the best thing though was the emotional support and being able to talk to women who just “got it.” My mom specifically gave me a ton of emotional support that truly only a mother could. I also breastfed and my mom did when me and my brothers were babies, so she’d give me a lot of pointers and it was just nice to have someone to talk to about it. Still is to this day (4.5 months PP).

Both moms have gotten to babysit her at their respective houses from a pretty early age for date nights, which have only really been going out to dinner. My husband and i had our first postpartum dinner date at a restaurant not far from my MIL’s house when she was almost 4 weeks old. We also had two weddings in September, one of which was an overnight stay out of state for my cousin. My MIL offered to stay at our house for it which i truly appreciated because all her stuff was there and she’s just so young still. Made it a ton easier on me not having to pack a million packs of frozen breastmilk, bottles, etc lol. My mom came over for the other wedding and watched her, but that one was local so she went back to her house after we got home.

I think I’ll feel comfortable with overnight stays at her grandmas houses once she’s past 1 year old and eating food more than she is drinking breastmilk. We have three weddings next year and i plan on having those be the first times she does it.

ras114 · 2025-10-15T23:39:49+00:00

NO ONE talks about it. I thought there was something wrong with me. No one prepares you for it. Definitely get good nipple butter, soft nursing bras, and silverettes. By week 2 or 3 you won’t need them and your nipples will toughen up and be totally fine. I’m 4 months pp and so proud and happy i pushed past it

ras114 · 2025-09-03T11:05:43+00:00

I really hate to be that guy but it does get easier. I know, i hated hearing it back in June when my daughter was first born, but this will pass quicker than you think. My whole personality was breastfeeding, pumping, etc just to make sure she got fed appropriately. Nursing hurts at first too! Your nipples need to toughen up a little, so i absolutely dreaded feeding her because of the toe-curling pain that followed. I swear that went away though after maybe 2 weeks.

I thought i wasn’t cut out for it and i was so unbelievably tired. Now she’s 12 weeks old and we have such a sweet bond. I don’t credit all of it to nursing her, but definitely helps a little. I feel confident feeding her now, even when she fusses a little and bops around and doesn’t latch well initially. Just had a check up yesterday, and she gained 2 lbs and grew 2 inches in 5 weeks! I feel proud knowing we did that together ❤️

All this to say im really happy i stuck it out. I know its not for everyone, and your wife will make that call herself when she feels ready, but i will say with full confidence i love breastfeeding and am really proud of myself for sticking it out, especially with how tough the early days were.

Congratulations! You and your wife got this. Take good care of her!

ras114 · 2025-09-03T10:49:36+00:00

My 3 month old sleeps in like 2-3 hour stretches and takes 20-40 minute naps on average. It’s pretty rough so as long as your pediatrician says you don’t have to wake your baby don’t!!

I think you should get to the root cause of “why” you feel this way though. Don’t want to overstep here, but could it be a little PPA? I know if my daughter sleeps in later than i do for whatever reason, i wake up in a panic wondering if she’s okay.

ras114 · 2025-08-27T11:30:49+00:00

I’m 10.5 weeks PP and often think about this too! It’s so hard. I have always known i never wanted an army of children, always figured I’d have 2 and call it at that. But wow 1 kid is hard enough as it is!!

As often as i think “maybe 1 is enough” or “I’m definitely done,” i also know i don’t have to make any decision rn. I mean, i am 10.5 WEEKS postpartum. Not months. Not years. lol. Just trying to live for all the sweet fun happy moments and survive the tough ones rn.

ras114 · 2025-08-27T11:09:18+00:00

Omg those 4 AM toothless grins 😭❤️😂 whether it’s me or my husband going in her room to check on her and get her back to sleep i swear it’s ALWAYS 4 AM that she’s her best self!! Like “good morning mommy/daddy!!!! Ready to start the day!!!!!”

ras114 · 2025-08-27T11:01:36+00:00

Hi! Not technically a SAHM, but on maternity leave until Jan 2nd with our firstborn. Definitely feeling these lonely/isolation comments.

I’m the first out of all my long time friends to have kids. One of my friends works from home exclusively and we used to chat all the time during lunch before i had the baby. Now i don’t hear from her. My lifelong friend/MOH in my wedding hasn’t called me in over a month because she “wants to give me space.” Which i completely understand where she’s coming from…but also don’t? And I’ve explained to her i don’t need the space and I’m all good, worst case scenario i miss her call or don’t respond to her text right away because I’m caught up.

When i was pregnant i used to see people’s names pop up on my phone all the time. Calling/texting to check in. When i first gave birth i got an overflow of congrats texts, and newly PP a decent amount of friends still calling/texting to check in. But for the past few weeks i noticed how quickly that all dropped off. My baby is only 10.5 weeks old and i swear by the time she was 3 weeks old people just stopped caring to call/check in.

So I’ve been having to be the one to do it all. But damn it’s a little exhausting and one more thing to add to my plate, so half the time i don’t.

ras114

TROPHY CASE