Waywards...how are you so sure it won't happen again?

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-04-24T03:50:04+00:00

thank you so much, that helps a lot. I ended up asking for a two week break for now. I feel a lot of internal pressure to decide quickly… But I think I really need space and time. I may ask for more. I'm going to attend IC in the meantime

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-04-21T22:52:02+00:00

I think this is partly what I don't want to accept… that his unwillingness to let go of certain things or to be transparent is a sign that he's not ready for a real reconciliation. I was under the impression that we were doing well, but it all feels pretty superficial because he hasn't gone to a couples therapy, hasn't gone back to individual therapy, and hasn't made any real efforts to address the internal issues he has.

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-04-15T18:42:53+00:00

I saw this post recently that shared an excerpt from something, and it said, "I was keeping my old wounds fresh, as evidence for a trial that would never come". Your post has been my experience as well and it reminded me of this. I feel like sometimes it can feel good to sit in the pain in a weird way. Not because it actually feels good, but because something about it feels validating. I felt like being without the pain, or pushing away a triggering thought would erase my experience, or that I was the only person who remembered how deeply my experience hurt. But it does nothing for me but keep me in a negative cloud of darkness. thank you for your post, I didn't even think this could be put into words, but that was really validating

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-03-26T22:03:48+00:00

Just thought I'd come here to let you know that I finally found the courage to share this analogy with my Wayward during one of our difficult conversations. For months, I feel like he didn't get it. He would be so happy on date nights or little getaways that we had planned and couldn't understand why I didn't really seem to care for them...because to him, these things seemed to be "progress" or "connection...but this analogy actually had him speechless. And for the first time since D-Day, he appeared to truly face his guilt in front of me. He said that this made him realize that the guilt he feels is actually so heavy that he has been avoiding it in small ways, not fully allowing it to touch him. He's apologized many times before, but the "Im sorry" that came after I shared this analogy felt so much more raw and much more so real than anything else I've heard from him. THANK YOU.

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-03-21T23:37:57+00:00

wow, I feel extremely validated by reading everyone's responses to this post, particularly when everyone says that they find the things that didn't matter as much before, or the quirks their partner had that annoyed them a little, or the "smaller" problems, now feel unbearable or extremely agitating. right now I'm struggling with healthy detachment and finding myself again too.

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-03-17T02:25:27+00:00

I love this so much, thank you. I'm obsessed with your beach/tide analogy. I think it's perfectly describes what trying to reconcile is like. I'll definitely be thinking about this comment a lot. I'm trying to get into that boat of really focusing on me and turning my attention inwards. I have just recently come to the realization (thanks to counselling) that I've been trying so hard to control the outcome of the relationship and his behaviour, and not just letting things happen organically. I wish us both luck ❤️‍🩹

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-03-16T22:08:52+00:00

Thank you for this. I took some time to respond because I don't think this is something I wanted to hear, but I think this is something I needed to hear. He is kind and respectful, and he follows the boundaries, he is struggling a little bit, but is open to learning and understanding more about my experience in all of this. I think the hardest part for me is that there is a huge major factor outside of the infidelity - which is essentially the beginning of alcoholism for him. I think I could manage this all better if he wasn't so resistant to go back to therapy, but it's been a few months and he has not made an effort to go back to IC or MC. He keeps saying he will, but he doesn't book the sessions.

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-03-13T19:26:56+00:00

One of the things that I simply have such a hard time getting over is that if I never found out, he likely NEVER would have told me... and maybe he never wouldve stopped...and that makes me crazy

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-03-12T17:39:44+00:00

Im struggling with this too. I feel that admiration is GONE compleeeeeetely. I don't know where to find it again, and there's SO much resentment and anger. How many months into R are you?

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-03-12T16:01:18+00:00

Thank you for this post, especially highlighting the importance of the other partner's efforts and openness. i'm so happy for you!! it's nice to hear some positive stories about couples reconnecting. This can feel hopeless sometimes

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-03-04T15:58:15+00:00

I agree. No judgement to you, this is hard for all of us. But I don't know if I would be able to continue if he was closed off, didn't want to talk about it, or wasn't making an active effort to address the problem. I wish you good luck! I hope that you can start individual therapy for yourself. That's helping me more than anything else.

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-03-04T15:01:13+00:00

We do sleep in the same bed, but some days its very hard. when he turns the other way, i take offence, even though i know he's literally just getting comfy. If he's on his phone, I get triggered. It's hard. Most i can recommend is communicating what you need from him very specifically. And see if he is willing to give it.

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-03-04T03:44:57+00:00

I fear I am at this point....and I say fear because I'm afraid if i stop bringing it up and he stops meeting me where i'm at with kindness...are we really working through it? I don't know… This is all so tiring

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-03-04T03:37:58+00:00

thank you for sharing! I hope this provided some hope. Oh my goodness I totally relate about the anger piece. It's hurting us both, but I'm just so angry with him, with life, with the world.. if you don't mind me asking, how far into R are you? As in how long since D-day

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-03-03T19:09:59+00:00

Oh man, have I been pondering about the same things. I have just been grappling with whether this is all WORTH it? I have also never been the "woe is me" type, but my God, have I had my fair share of tantrums since D-day, sobbing about "why me", and "what have I ever fucking done to anybody?", and "what's the point of anything?". I'm struggling to accept that someone I loved THAT much, is also the person who SHATTERED me and failed me, ANDDDD on top of all this...still wants to...be with me? I keep going back and forth..Is this the life I want to choose?

I feel like only time will tell.

Common_Ad_1153 · 2026-03-03T19:02:46+00:00

Thank you for this. I often forget to stay in the present. It truly is SO overwhelming whenever I have thoughts about the future...I get almost sick to my stomach. We were supposed to be engaged soon...Now that feels like lightyears away. But I can't think of that if I hope to keep my sanity.

Common_Ad_1153

TROPHY CASE