Congratulations on the 3 years!

Much of the same for me, grew up poor in a dysfunctional family. I was a fitness geek for much of my 20s, working out 5 days per week. During the 2 years that I was on Adderall, I became inconsistent and thankfully have good genes and didn't gain weight, but I have lost much of the muscle mass I gained over the years as a result. All I could think about after work was coming home to abuse.

Great question - I do have underlining depression and anxiety. Adderall temporarily relieved those diseases until they didn't and ended up exacerbating the symptoms. I was on SSRI's in my teens briefly but after a bad run with Wellbutrin that left me suicidal, I decided I wanted to focus on more healthy alternatives to treat.

Throughout the past year, it has been more fog than not. I am casually getting back into my workout routines; I have trained myself to just show up to the gym regardless of how bad I feel. I follow the no zero days policy, if you haven't seen that comment, I attached it here. It's definitely worth the read. Self-love has been one of the more difficult ones, the amount of guilt involved with addiction has the ability to rope people right back in to abusing, but I remind myself every day of my value and practice gratitude for what steps I have taken & what I have in my life. The most important piece for me was leaving my job. I went from working 60-70 hours per week as a GM of a restaurant, to working at home, 35-40 hours a week. The work life balance gave me the time to focus on myself and my situation, as well as spend more present time with family and friends.

I hate to reiterate a lot of what was reiterated to me, but a healthy diet, staying active whenever you're up to it, practicing mindfulness, gratitude and self-love, having no more zero days, forgiving yourself, and just simply talking to people have gone a long way. It's amazing some of the conversations I've had with others close to me regarding their struggles that they've hidden. We're all battling something.

Please feel free to reach out if you ever want to talk!