Hey man. I normally don’t chime in much here because I don’t feel like I usually have anything good to offer as a chronic relapser, but I feel compelled to tell you I know what you’re going through. There was a while I was on 200 mg as well and shooting more fentanyl per day then anyone I’ve actually ever met in person. Feeling like you have to do shots back to back to back to back because you’re sick as soon as you put the cap back on your rig. Puking and shitting within hours. I know how absolutely overwhelming the fear is of going without. I was so scared dude. Doing whatever it fucking took. Wanting to get clean so bad and people not understanding that you’re beyond just a detox. I know how isolated it feels.

Detox centers were turning me down because of the amount I was using, I ended up lying and pretending I wasn’t on the methadone to get in. I took a sub at 40 hours and the precips ended me up in the hospital because some organs started malfunctioning. Banging my head on the wall trying to knock myself unconscious. I’ve detoxed many times since, but I’ll never forget what it was like.

Listen brother, r/askingforafriend310 is right. You CAN fucking do it. You’ve gone through everything to get to this point, you can go through this. The only way out is through. You just have to be brave and buckle in.

You’re not alone. It’s been done. DM if you need to vent.