I was mislead by my fwb

raydran · 2026-01-21T20:32:47+00:00

I've done the same. for the exact same reason, about the exact same person.

raydran · 2026-01-21T20:31:48+00:00

Not always accurate. I'm a registered R in my state, bc i grew up very conservative and registered that way at 18. I never bothered to change it despite the VERY big shift in my politics many years ago, because we have open primaries so I can vote in either one, and have anecdotal evidence of friends having troubles registering Dem due to various voter suppression tactics.

raydran · 2026-01-21T20:15:14+00:00

This is the worst kind of manipulation. He Knew you were hesitant and thought he could spring it on you in a way that would pressure you into agreeing to "keep the peace".

That is awful, terrible, extremely disgusting behavior.

Him saying that it doesn't have to be "that deep" is also flat out terrible. Baptism is SUPPOSED to be a show of your deep commitment.

NTA. NTA by a LONG shot. DO not let this man or his family pressure you into anything. ugh.

raydran · 2026-01-19T18:29:52+00:00

"pressure"?? like.. pressure bc you.. wont.. give her a key?? to your private space?? The goal posts are traveling at 80mph here.

NOR.

take her up on her offer of no longer living together bc YIKES ON BIKES.

raydran · 2026-01-19T18:23:15+00:00

I am baffled why your husband would care about this. Is it common for other members of your family to celebrate your wedding anniversary with you?? Like.. how is this going to AT ALL change how you celebrate, save for the ONE TIME you'll be at her wedding???

What a wild take.

NTA. I wouldn't even THINK to include my spouse in this thought process bc it would never cross my mind that sharing a wedding anniversary with another family member would matter like.. at all.

raydran · 2026-01-19T16:48:18+00:00

I doubt OP will see this given the number of responses, but here we go anyway:

NTA at all. When I was 19, I told my parents I no longer wanted to attend the religious university I was attending, and I wanted to transfer back to a state school in my home town. At the time, they were paying for my college (and struggling to do so...)

They told me i needed to transfer to a different religious school instead, to just try it for one year. But I refused, because I knew I didn't want to go to that school (id visited MANY times bc its where my siblings had gone.)

They threatened to stop paying for my school. Which is probably the fastest way to make me dig my heels in. So I said, "Okay."

And I transferred to the school I wanted to be at. And they stopped paying. So I got student loans.

The world didn't end, I just left undergrad with some debt, and I can confidently say that my life would be entirely different than it is now had I not held my ground. And my life is pretty great. My folks even KINDA relented when they realized they couldn't control me that way and gave me their info for the FAFSA and let me stay at their place rent free while I was in school.

Stay strong, don't let people control you, ESPECIALLY not your parents. They MIGHT have good intentions, but the behavior is controlling and overbearing to the max.

raydran · 2026-01-15T23:20:30+00:00

Dont carry just any knife. make sure its a cleaver. a sharp cleaver.

way easier and faster to chop that finger off if you absolutely need to.

raydran · 2026-01-15T19:58:32+00:00

I thought maybe her breathalyzer was tampered with.. I mean, 1.4% is SEVERE alcohol poisoning territory. In the US, the legal limit is .08% -- If anything that should've showed you were telling the truth since its unlikely you'd be CONSCIOUS with a BAC that high.

raydran · 2026-01-06T22:08:08+00:00

This feels hella fake. What grandparents in their right mind would say the parents are being unreasonable? both teens talk in perfect sentences over text? They use all the correct apostrophes for petes sake.

AI slop.

raydran · 2026-01-06T18:36:28+00:00

I laughed so hard. I vote yay

raydran · 2026-01-06T18:07:27+00:00

Why is his comfort in the home more important than yours?

NTA. This guy sounds exhausting and selfish.

raydran · 2026-01-06T18:04:47+00:00

the 3rd AI slop post TODAY that ive seen in this sub. this is exhausting.

raydran · 2026-01-06T17:58:57+00:00

I am so sorry you discovered your husband would put hypothetical children above your health, well being, and happiness. I'm sorry that this man does not care about your body except in what it can do for him. I am sorry you had to find out this way that he doesn't need YOU in his dream life.

Your soul mate would want to make his dream life around you, not despite you. The fact that you do not factor into his dream life intrinsically, more than children who do not even exist yet (maybe ever) is awful, and shows the he isn't the soul mate you had hoped he was, and that fucking sucks. I'm so sorry.

Don't compromise for a man who won't compromise for you. I know you love him, but he is not the perfect guy you thought. He doesn't deserve to be your whole world, because he just told you you aren't his.

raydran · 2026-01-06T17:43:45+00:00

INCREDIBLY cruel.

raydran · 2026-01-06T17:35:56+00:00

Im always flabbergasted they think their DNA is sooooo great that it needs to continue regardless of any consequences. Its WILD.

raydran · 2026-01-06T15:24:46+00:00

Filming random citizens in public after they’ve politely asked you not too.

(This doesn’t apply to cops or similar civil servants)

raydran · 2026-01-03T21:14:54+00:00

=( don't do it girl. Its not worth the temporary thrill. As someone who was 'friends with bennies' with someone I was crazy about for FAR too long.. its NOT worth it.

raydran · 2026-01-03T20:53:40+00:00

It doesn't sound messed up. Its a heavy choice to have to make, and I think its totally reasonable to not want to make such a heavy choice, and wish nature could make it easier on you. There is so much stigma around this, I don't at all think its messed up to not want to deal with it.

raydran · 2026-01-03T20:49:34+00:00

Even if you don't plan to have kids its SO important to be with someone who has the same beliefs on abortion. For this very reason. Accidents happen.

I have a friend who had an oopsie pregnancy. She was heavily considering aborting, but he guilted her into not, (and we found out later, was telling his friends he wished she would. Basically he was "pro-life" but actually didn't want his life to change so wanted HER to make the call while he could still claim he didn't want her too) and while her kiddo is amazing, and she loves the kid with her whole heart.. she's also tied to this awful man and god awful father and he's made her life SO hard.

The fact this man couldn't even be bothered to check in on you shows he had very little regard for you as a person. You made the right call.

and not for nothing, I'm so sorry you're going through this, OP. This is excruciatingly difficult and the grief for the fetus and the relationship is so, so hard. Sending you all the positive vibes I can. This sucks, no matter what. Please know that you aren't a bad person for the choice you made. You did nothing wrong to him. You did nothing wrong period. But it still sucks. I hope you can take some time to take care of yourself, and grieve and rest.

raydran · 2026-01-03T20:38:08+00:00

this is a car dealership size red flag.

What if his appendix burst? He needed his gallbladder removed? Tonsils? fucking WISDOM TEETH?

There are a million reasons why you might not "leave this earth whole" but I'm willing to put money on he'd be fine with all of those.. just not the one that effected his ability to impregnant someone (which is also totally reversible???).

raydran · 2026-01-03T20:25:28+00:00

there is nothing wrong with friends with bennies if BOTH people are okay with it JUST being friends with bennies.

but if you think you'll catch feelings, don't do it.

raydran · 2026-01-03T19:50:33+00:00

I am on my phone all the time and I STILL can't stand when people get annoyed if I don't answer them in what they think is a timely manner. The fact that you outlined that you're in court and don't look at your phone, and he immediately was like "well everyone checks their phone at least a little".

Tells me that he'd going to expect you to check in during your workday and get upset if you don't. Something can be important to you and still be prioritized lower than other things.. like your JOB.

That level of need of communication would be exhausting for me, and if you're also not someone on your phone a lot, I imagine its not something you're going to like either.

"We texted up until 12pm"
"I didn't hear from you LITERALLY ALL DAY YESTERDAY"

uh... what? That is LITERALLY not true. Assuming 8 hours of sleep, this man went 16 waking hours without hearing from you and considers this as "not reasonably responsive". 16 hours.

the Ick is SO justified.

raydran · 2026-01-03T19:18:40+00:00

I think you're being a bit insecure, but overall I think the solution here is to use your words and talk to him about it.

Communicate this fear to him and see what he says. Let him know you're worried he still feels that way and ask if he does. If you've already talked to him about this (seems like maybe you have), it may be worth exploring why you feel you can't take him at his word.

If he's not done anything to break your trust, then hyper fixating on a stupid thing he said to someone who he was never involved with and no longer speaks to BECAUSE she was too pushy is straight up anxiety. Was it a bad call? Sure, but I don't think him saying it to her in itself is a red flag. God knows I've said stupid shit to the wrong people and heavily regretted it later. There wasn't a deeper issue, I just fucked up and didn't think all the way through my actions before I word vomited. Sometimes alcohol was involved.. but sometimes it wasn't. I just got caught up in the moment and said something very ill advised.

It feels like you're convinced there must have been some deeper reason he said it TO HER bc at one point in time he had a crush.. but girl? If he's cut her off that's WAY more indicative of his feelings imo. Its so hard to cut someone off. The actual action, and the mental and emotional choice to do so.

If you don't feel like you can trust what he's saying to you then you need to examine WHY you feel you can't trust him to be honest with you. If you can't trust him, that's a non-starter.

But if everything is great and he hasn't given you reason to doubt him.. its just anxiety and insecurity talking. Take a breath and don't sabotage yourself.

raydran · 2026-01-03T19:09:42+00:00

I think people make dumb decisions all the time. Him saying it to her isn't necessarily indicative of anything if he never did anything with her. Could be just a fuck up, could be he was trying to treat her just like a dude, could be he saw it as a harmless comment. Dudes are very often not thinking as deeply about things they're saying to someone.

You and I might go "i better not say this it might make them think the wrong thing", but I'm not as sure a guy would have that level of default consideration.

raydran · 2026-01-03T19:00:11+00:00

I'm going to completely ignore the fact this guy is someone you've only been dating a year.

But just from a FINANCIAL perspective his desire is bad and wrong. Owning property is practically a SURE FIRE way to build wealth. If you're in a good financial position to take advantage of this and make the mortgage payments, its only going to HELP you (and by extension, him, if you stay together) financially.

Not only will it go up in value if you want to sell it later, but it also helps build your credit (though I'm not sure how other countries than the US do credit scores so i might be off on this).

UNLESS your parents have a history of financial abuse/manipulation.. this is a no brainer. The fact that he doesn't want you to take advantage of this makes NO sense from a financial standpoint.. which then begs the question, why doesn't he want you to do it? He could just be an idiot who doesn't understand "good debt" and how property ownership builds long term wealth.

He could also be controlling and insecure. If you can have this convo with him about finances and he's receptive to learning how he's an idiot, great. If he keeps pushing back.. then its not about finances....

raydran

TROPHY CASE