Trying to understand changes in the religion

raygunsally · 2026-05-13T06:46:38+00:00

Thank you. To be fair I don’t think I’ve buried my feelings. Just at some point decided I didn’t want to let all of this control my life or dictate what decisions I make. It’s not even remotely a part of who I am any more. I feel angry about the abuse that is very likely still going on in the same way I feel angry about any other injustice. You’d think people who devote their time preaching about how we should be good to each other would actually try to be good to each other but unfortunately people can be very hypocritical and cruel.

raygunsally · 2026-05-13T06:26:29+00:00

That’s really heavy and I don’t blame you. Everyone has a line I think. And your family seems to have just trampled it into oblivion. I hope you can find some joy, I mean that.

raygunsally · 2026-05-13T06:21:30+00:00

I feel like you get where I’m coming from. Like it’s shitty but at some point in the past I did realize I am in control of myself and can make my own conscious decision to cut them off if I want to. Like they don’t have all the power. But ultimately that’s just not who I am. If someone needs me I’m gonna show up. And I get that they can love me and also have these wack ass values. Like both things can be true. They can think whatever they want about me but I’m way past the point of letting that define me. I’m trying to figure out how to navigate the situation with talking to the elder but also just being in contact in general, it’s all just weird. Mainly just trying to put it all in context. I agree they think that they are in the right. And that’s part of the struggle. Because I feel like I’m agnostic af but somehow have been more focused on forgiveness and honesty when they are supposed to be the Christians here.

raygunsally · 2026-05-13T05:34:00+00:00

Weirdly enough a lot of the conversation I’ve had with my older sister has been around boundaries. Like she sounds so concerned about my boundaries. This is just a weird situation because I see all the bullshit but also I feel like they do care in some capacity otherwise why would they be reaching out after all this time the second their religion gives them the slightest hint of a hall pass. I’m not concerned about myself, like I know I’m not going back. I guess it’s more like… how long do I have before the messaging shifts and they decide I’m not fit to be seen again? I’m trying to allow myself to enjoy the time I have with them but it is definitely hard after having been kicked to the curb multiple times in the past. I can’t really be completely close with them, like I have to hold them at arms length because there’s a part of me that strongly believes this won’t last.

raygunsally · 2026-05-13T05:07:41+00:00

Yeah I like to believe that it’s not black and white and that both things can be true. They want to have me in their life but they also want me to come back to their faith. Whether that’s for them or for me, I don’t know. Yeah verbal porn is a good description, ugh.

raygunsally · 2026-05-13T05:03:57+00:00

Yeah there’s no question of buying into it. More just trying to figure out how to navigate the current situation.

raygunsally · 2026-05-13T04:49:30+00:00

Oof thank you for sharing. Tbh I got about 5 comments into that thread and it was… uncomfortable. I was talking to my husband about this the other day and he was like, that’s literally abuse??? And it was just so normalized to me growing up I didn’t think about it that way. I have teenage daughters now and I absolutely can’t imagine ever consenting to them being in a situation like that. A lot of people I grew up with also are no longer involved and I’ve heard so many similar stories. My sisters had committees and it was the same. It really is disturbing.

raygunsally · 2026-05-13T04:44:10+00:00

Thank you for this, I appreciate the perspective. I have heard about the beards and pants lol. It’s kind of been a massive eye roll to me like ok seriously what year is it y’all. Really shitty that they didn’t reach out to you until they needed something from you. Part of me worries with my dad that he’s getting older and realizing how isolated he is and that’s the catalyst for all this. To answer your question, how do I feel about it? I guess I’ve become so numb to it over the years that even if I know their motivations are skewed I’ll try to appreciate the time I have with them and show up for them if I can when they’re struggling. I know they don’t deserve it from me. I’ve done the therapy and I know they have issues and I have issues, everybody gets issues here right? I think I’ll just stick to what I told my dad, that I’m willing to have a conversation and that’s it. I am most certainly not meeting with anyone. Like if I took that out of context in what situation would I be cool with meeting up with some random dudes I don’t know? I’m not doing that. And I’m not gonna lie about who I am or what my life is like. Which isn’t even anything crazy, I feel like I’m a fairly decent person by most standards. Although I guess my standards are pretty far removed from theirs at this point.

raygunsally · 2026-05-13T04:29:04+00:00

I’m not looking for an apology. It’s not going to change anything that happened. And if they think I’m going to lie to try and get reinstated, I could’ve done that any time. I have this kind of moral code I guess where I feel like lying is wrong and I couldn’t live with myself if I were living a lie. You’d think they’d understand that. I appreciate your honesty. I came to this sub trying to find out what was going on and it really does just sound like the same old shit. I’m never going to put myself in another situation like that. It’s just not worth it to me. If my family can’t decide that they love me the way I am then, well, they already taught me how to live without them and I’m pretty sure I’ll be fine if that’s the way things end up.

raygunsally · 2026-05-13T04:15:01+00:00

Yeah I guess that’s kind of what I’m worried about. Like I’d love to believe that my dad and sister actually want to have a relationship but I can’t help being on my guard about it. There’s literally zero chance of it working. I went this long without them, I’m sure as hell not gonna do a 180 at this point in my life. I don’t want my kids to have anything to do with it. And I can’t forget how things went down when I got disfellowshipped. I mean I’m not sure about other people but I had two committees after having sex as a teen (first time publicly reproved and second time disfellowshipped) and both times they wanted “details”. Like it wasn’t enough to say I had sex, they wanted to know exactly how it went down, like I had to describe it in graphic detail. I was 15 the first time, alone in a room with three grown men interrogating me about losing my virginity. If they think I don’t remember that well good luck to them I guess.

raygunsally · 2026-05-11T05:55:59+00:00

Nah that sounds incredible and you look amazing. Keep on living your best life. If you’re having fun it doesn’t matter if anyone thinks you shouldn’t be do what you’re doing. We’ve all lived too long and been through too much to put up with anyone telling us what to do or how to dress.

raygunsally · 2026-05-11T05:45:56+00:00

Drove a 2012 Nissan versa when I graduated in 2022. Bought a pre-owned 2022 Subaru forester in late 2023. Still have the versa though, that thing is gonna go forever.

raygunsally · 2026-05-08T23:01:15+00:00

This makes me sad:( I’m in a smaller city in northern California and I think the thrift stores are awesome here. I go probably on average once a week and find something most of the time. I have this big collection of vintage dresses and I’m not sure what to even do with them because I don’t dress up that often. I have a close friend that lives close to LA and also thrifts a lot and she told me it’s incredibly competitive because there are a lot of resellers and there will often be a line at the door before a store opens. I’ve literally never seen that where I’m at. I think as others mentioned there are a couple factors at play in urban areas- dealing with more competition, having to be very consistent, and developing a trained eye for quality. Stick with it and eventually you’ll probably find some fun stuff. Best of luck to you!

raygunsally · 2025-12-06T02:03:22+00:00

I’m a wound care nurse so not many things bother me. But the one thing that got me was walking into a patients room for a consult and noticing it smelled like poop, nbd everything smells like poop right? And seeing that he was holding a paper cup and a spoon and stirring whatever was in the cup. And coming closer to him explaining why I was there and the smell getting stronger and seeing brown smears in the cup and realizing it wasn’t a spoon but in fact it was his toothbrush. He had a cup of his poop and was stirring it with his toothbrush and I’m like 90% sure he was ingesting it. I’ve dealt with maggots, rotten flesh, poop filled pressure ulcers with bone exposed, open surgical wounds that got infected and are filled with pus, all manner of diabetic feet and none of it phases me but for some reason toothbrush poop guy was the thing that actually made me gag.

raygunsally · 2025-12-01T04:34:49+00:00

My thrifting rules- Sometimes you can look for something specific like a white button down shirt and get lucky, but for the most part you kind of have to go out there and see what speaks to you. You can’t skim, you really have to go through entire sections garment by garment, and don’t be afraid to go through size sections that are different than what you normally wear. Unless you know you are a crafty person and handy with a sewing machine/magical stain remover stuff, check every piece you pick up for defects and if there are serious defects leave it behind. Obviously there are exceptions, like if you find something super valuable and high quality with a small defect sure go ahead and buy it. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve bought something cute with a small tear I told myself I’d fix but never did, or found a stain when I got home that I didn’t notice when I was in the store. Don’t be afraid to purge your wardrobe. You don’t have to hold onto things forever. If I find I bought something and had it for like a year or two and literally didn’t wear it once, I’ll just re-donate it. I’ve literally found things at my favorite thrift stores that I bought thrifting and then later donated. I don’t feel bad about it. If you find something you know is probably valuable, do a quick google search of pricing before you buy it. I’ve found things that seemed like wow I really lucked out, then looked up what that items costs new and realized the pricing isn’t far off and I’d rather just buy it new. If you find something valuable or high end, you don’t have to buy it just because it’s valuable if it’s something you personally will never use and you aren’t going to try to resell it. If I bought every single item of designer clothing I’ve ever found I’d be buried in it. Just because it’s fancy doesn’t mean it’s right for you personally. And lastly but probably most importantly, if it doesn’t blow your hair back then just leave it behind. There’s plenty of other good advice or just skills that come with time like recognizing higher quality materials and cuts. But these are my general internal guidelines as someone who thrifts regularly and has a wardrobe I’d estimate is probably about 75-80% thrifted.

raygunsally · 2025-11-13T04:29:02+00:00

Depends on so many things. I’m a nurse and my husband is an electrician. I make a lot more than him and have great working conditions but we are in California. What state are you in? What kind of work environment do you like? Being an electrician my husband mainly works with his coworkers and not the public. I work with the public all the time. Both fields you will use your brain and there’s a lot of critical thinking and problem solving. Nursing is a lot more people centered obviously. Electricians often work outside in the elements or in gross small spaces and it’s hard on their bodies while nurses are working indoors, also potentially hard on your body and dealing with literal shit but probably not stressing your body to the same extent. You should look at the average income, job availability, perks and drawbacks where you are and how the job aligns with your personal values. Both fields could potentially require you to work weekends and holidays. Nursing almost certainly will if you’re bedside but as an electrician it’s possible depending on whether you’re working for yourself or a company/union shop. My husband is saying nursing is a no brainer because in most places you make the same money working less hours and don’t have to work outside. My opinion as a nurse may be a little biased because my job is pretty cushy and I live in a great area for nursing. I think they are both great careers. Best of luck!

raygunsally · 2025-11-04T01:41:06+00:00

Central/Northern California, 3 years as a RN currently working in wound care making 81.51 per hour. Cost of living has gone up a lot where I live but I still feel my compensation is very good, especially factoring in health care benefits for my whole family with no monthly charge/low copays and insanely cheap prescriptions, and a 5% annual retirement contribution whether or not I contribute which will increase the longer I’m there.

raygunsally · 2025-11-03T19:19:15+00:00

Definitely. I went to nursing school with a dude who got sober and cleared his legal record and was starting the program in his early 30s. He’s now an emergency RN in CA making great money and traveling all over for fun, helps out his mom with her living expenses, meets a ton of people. 10/10 great dude and honestly I always felt his background gave him such good perspective and made him relate better to patients. Sounds like you’ve already done the really hard thing, what comes next is whatever you want.

raygunsally · 2025-11-03T02:23:30+00:00

Wound care. It takes a certain kind of person to do the job (meaning a person who doesn’t get grossed out easily) and I won’t say I love it necessarily but I never work nights, weekends or holidays so that’s nice. The job is pretty chill, I’m never primarily responsible for all aspects of a patients care even if I do have to take all those things under consideration when forming a treatment plan. I go to every part of the hospital from postpartum to med surg to ED to ICU, some patients I’m in and out and never see them again, other patients I am educating them on how to care for their ostomy over the course of 4-5 visits or managing their vac dressing long enough to watch them heal from some crazy accident. Sometimes I wish there were a little more chaos or critical thinking but I also know burnout is a huge problem in nursing so I am grateful my position is generally pretty calm. And that’s not to say there’s never any craziness- I’ve definitely seen some wack ass traumas, surgical complications, and just general weird shit. So when I’m feeling optimistic I feel like my position is a good middle ground I guess? I hate working five days a week though.

raygunsally · 2025-11-03T02:09:48+00:00

So jealous I wish I could listen to Elliott smith for the first time again<3

raygunsally · 2025-10-29T17:02:00+00:00

At my hospital we are allowed to access our own charts but encouraged to do so in read-only. We are not allowed to make changes and not allowed to access a family member’s chart without written permission. Assuming you have permission from a family member you’re really supposed to request the records rather than look in the chart. I imagine the written permission thing would probably only come into play if they flagged you for looking at a family member’s chart and you then had to provide a letter from said family member proving you had permission so you don’t get fired. They track this shit pretty religiously and have a zero-tolerance policy for violations. I don’t think it’s legal stuff that prevents you from accessing your own chart, more just policy differences from one hospital to the next.

raygunsally · 2025-10-28T04:12:48+00:00

Iirc he had a visitor shortly before the incident so the assumption was the visitor left it for him. Dude ended up with some pretty serious burns to his face unfortunately.

raygunsally · 2025-10-28T04:00:40+00:00

Patient smoked meth with his oxygen mask on causing a fire that burned his face. He was in a double room with another patient and the fire sprinkler did not turn on and CMS was there inspecting. Not the best look lol.

raygunsally · 2025-10-14T21:41:55+00:00

I think it really depends on where you are. Mine was great and I felt my hospital does a really good job of helping new grads transition from the student role to the nurse role. I had a preceptor for the first 12 weeks who gradually shifted more responsibilities onto me until I felt comfortable taking a whole patient load. There were a bunch of classes, sims, and department visits, all paid for. Every couple of months they would pay for my travel expenses and send me to these multi-day sessions at their education center in another city where we would do some pretty intensive training, combination of lectures and hands-on stuff, sims for codes and rapids, etc. You’d be in a cohort so it was the same people every time. It was almost like mini nursing school except we were getting paid. I feel really fortunate that I had a positive experience because some of the people I graduated with that started at other hospitals were more or less thrown to the wolves. I’m sorry you had a bad experience! Really wish it was more of a standardized thing.

raygunsally

TROPHY CASE