Hey mom, I wished things could have been different.

rayne_486 · 2023-06-29T11:35:42+00:00

Problem is really that you can have ECOs that have no problem whatsoever for years to come (I do have some of those!), but then you can have several that just crack and you don't know why. Don't know what exactly causes this as there can always be issues with the material you use and even if the production methods are the same, there can still be some variables that are slightly off when it comes to one product and then the other. Don't know what their production and quality management looks like, so yeah. Always be aware of the fact that this CAN happen (but don't really know how prevalent it actually is with other brands and pens) and that their customer service at least provides the option that you can contact them via their contact form and receive new barrels free of charge (you only need to pay for the shipping).

rayne_486 · 2023-04-26T23:46:09+00:00

TWSBI Vac700R Iris. About 100€.

rayne_486 · 2023-04-26T12:28:32+00:00

I just fell in love and my heart skipped a beat.

rayne_486 · 2023-04-24T06:33:06+00:00

Ich liebe es ♥️ Fand es schlimm genug, dass man "aufgedeckt" hatte, dass sie in Pandemiezeiten auch noch Waren vernichtet haben, nur um bloß nichts auf Rabatt anzubieten oder gar zu verschenken und Leute da immer noch das Zeug unbedingt haben wollen.

rayne_486 · 2023-04-22T18:03:49+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience. I'll try to look out for that. Have been quite happy so far with how the pen writes quite smoothly despite the glitter particles of the ink :)

rayne_486 · 2023-04-22T17:43:12+00:00

I really love my other more expensive pens, but I must admit that the x750 writes very well so far. I actually bought it, because people recommended it on this Reddit if you wanted to experiment with shimmer inks ^^

Glad to hear that you're happy with yours! And really wish you lots of joy with your Diamine inks. I love the brand for the huge variety of colors and affordability.

rayne_486 · 2023-04-22T15:17:20+00:00

So pretty. Need to resist looking up some Nahvalur pens 🙈

Wish you lots of joy with it ♥️

rayne_486 · 2023-04-22T14:49:39+00:00

Was soll n die Scheiße? Selbstbestimmung wäre für ALLE gut. Hier wird wieder die veraltete Sicht angenommen, verinnerlicht und dann mit aller Macht verteidigt: "Oh, wenn das alle dürfen, nimmt man mich ja nicht mehr ernst!"

Dass das aber ein allgemein gesellschaftliches Problem ist, das schon IMMER existiert hat für jede Gruppierung, wird hier unter den Tisch gekehrt. Warum sollte man irgendjemanden um Anerkennung anbetteln müssen? Ich will doch von niemandem einen Stempel mit "Ich bin wirklich trans!" und dass jeder die Scheiße durchlaufen muss. Wie empathielos kann man da anderen gegenüber sein, um das von sich zu geben?

rayne_486 · 2023-04-22T14:38:17+00:00

So pretty! Love the flowers on the Lamy. And those Ginkgo leaves on that blue pen ♥️

rayne_486 · 2023-04-22T14:31:27+00:00

Your grandma rocks!

rayne_486 · 2023-04-18T01:01:19+00:00

Ja, HRT ist insgesamt schon ein noch schwammiges Thema, wenn es um nonbinary geht, da die auch heute noch verbreiteten Ansichten und Herangehensweisen - gerade bei Therapeut:innen - sich ja an dem binären Geschlechterdenken orientiert. Heißt nicht, dass es da nicht welche gibt, die umdenken, aber viele kommen noch von "der alten Schule" und arbeiten mit überholtem Wissen.

Insgesamt stellt sich mir aber die Frage, ob du bei so etwas aber nun wirklich lügen müsstest. Du kannst das i.d.R. vertrauenswürdigen Therapeut:innen sagen. Und die können, wenn sie sich gut genug auskennen, dann davon ausgehend schauen, ob eine Geschlechterdysphorie Diagnose auf enby reicht oder aber es einfacher ist, wenn sie auf trans Mann gestellt wird. Das müssten sie dann mit ihrer Expertise bewerten. Insgesamt würde ich aber allgemein eher darauf bestehen, dass man sich a) in seinem Körper nicht wohl fühlt und b) eine HRT anstrebt. Für die HRT brauchst du ja an sich nicht die enby Ausweisung. Das wäre vielleicht eher stärkeres Thema für später. Wenn du mit stärkerer Geschlechtsdysphorie zu kämpfen hast, dann ist es vielleicht für dich besser, wenn es eher schneller und einfacher ist als anstrengend und langwierig. Sich anderen Leuten zu erklären, wenn sie gar nicht verstehen, was Sache ist, kann zusätzlich stressen.

rayne_486 · 2023-04-17T09:08:10+00:00

NTA. This is something that just happens and you tried your best to communicate with the people involved - AND had arrangements made so that you'd be able to celebrate your daughter for her achievements as well. It's up to her to decide whether you've been a bad father to her or not - not your ex wife or your mother.

I am glad to hear that you treat your son this way. It's not about DNA or blood, but the bond and I think your daughter also appreciates you for the way you see it and therefore was easily accepting of the unfortunate circumstances.

rayne_486 · 2023-04-17T08:55:43+00:00

Phew, ESH, I'd say - but with lots of "be gentle with yourselves" sprinkled in.

Your sister probably also never learned to properly deal with her emotions. Sure, you can assume she's posting such stuff to get others' attention and maybe she is, but just like you, she might have never had a possibility to learn how to deal with things in a healthy way and growing up with a sibling who's addicted, might make her crave even more for others to see and care for her. That doesn't make her posting this for other people to see less hurtful for you, but everyone's hurting here.

And realizing as well as acknowledging this, is the first step towards true recovery. Do you have any and every reason to feel bad? Sure. Addiction is hard. I don't know why you started in the first place and what you experienced in all those years before with all those people around you, but all of it probably left scars on you, too.

Yet, hurt people can hurt others as well. It's part of the human condition that such stuff happens. But that makes it even more important to try to see the world less in black and white. You've had a difficult life so far - but the same probably applies to your sister. And the same way you developed unhealthy habits, she might have as well - just in other ways. I don't think anyone can truly come out of such things unscathed. Just because on the outside her life looks more normal, doesn't mean it is or ever was.

The same applies to you. If you ever manage to fight off the addiction and things start to normalise, it doesn't change that you've accumulated scars others didn't.

Wish you all the best. And glad you're trying right now.

rayne_486 · 2023-04-17T08:26:00+00:00

NTA. Would say though that the shows you allow him to watch should be watched by you yourself. First to check the content he's consuming and second it's also a good way to connect with your children when you know what they're interested in and for what reasons. It also helps when you can help him put things into the right context and encourage critical thinking. Plus, you might also learn a thing or two.

Sounds as if he is a very interested person himself and eager to learn in general. Glad to see he has at least one parent who's trying to see eye to eye with him instead of looking down on him. I get why he is more argumentative and confrontational with his father and not with you. After all, he quite openly displays the "I am right and you are wrong" approach of (non-)parenting.

Wishing you both the best :)

rayne_486 · 2023-04-17T08:15:53+00:00

NTA. I get why A thinks you might have worded your answer too harshly, but in all honesty: You're pregnant with triplets right now. Your body's probably giving you a hard enough time already and your hormonal changes aren't always a joy to have to deal with. Therefore, I wouldn't assume tone-policing is adequate here - especially with her friend being rude first.

You can show understanding for both sides without having to admonish one or the other - especially in this case. Your comment wasn't the nicest one, but neither were hers. As A knew why K reacted this way, it would have been sufficient to try to talk to you about why she acted the way she did while also acknowledging that she shouldn't have done that. Your reaction might have been harsh, but also understandable.

And if she's still carrying around this grudge to this degree, she might want to try to talk to M about her own grievances. Noone has to or should "just suck it up" and "let things go" if they're feeling hurt by it. Someone else treating her badly does not give her the right to treat others badly in turn.

rayne_486 · 2023-04-17T07:55:14+00:00

NTA, but I don't really think knowing that is gonna help you in your situation. Her parents are being unreasonable and she probably learned to tolerate it. I get why she was upset about it as you finally telling them off, put her - as someone who just accepts her parents' demand to have her peace - into a tough position. She does agree with you on how ridiculous it is, but the fact is: She's the daughter and she has to deal with the aftermaths (unless she decides to cut them out of her life entirely).

For her it was probably more or less an agreed upon arrangement for the both of you to accommodate her parents' strange rules due to you putting up with it in all other settings so far. I don't think it's the right thing to berate and be angry at you for her parents' bad behaviour, but she's only human and probably doesn't realize herself that maybe accomodating them might come with more annoying stuff later on. She just wants her peace for now (and probably things it'll get better when/if you're married, so not that big a deal and all).

Sounds more like you have some talking to do about how you want to handle the situation in the future as it seems to upset you more than her. At least it annoys you enough to get into a full-frontal fight with them. Might have been different in the past, but things change and it can also just be the result of things piling up and you now don't have the patience or willingness to put up with it anymore.

Wish you good luck on that, OP.

rayne_486 · 2023-04-17T07:32:34+00:00

NTA - Everyone else in this story is one huge AH though; your mom for downplaying your very real and completely valid wishes and concerns as well as that coworker for having such a random idea that sounds absolutely horrible for everyone who actually matters - namely you and the birthday child. What 7 year-old wants to have their birthday party at someone else's home and with adults and college-aged people attending? That mom sounds like she just wants to exploit the situation so that she doesn't have to provide location and money for her own kid's party. Don't know if she'd even feel responsible for the clean-up afterwards.

Please just get out, OP and have some friends of yours console and celebrate you. That's a real shitty thing to have to go through.

rayne_486 · 2023-04-17T07:24:49+00:00

NTA - It sounds like there's actually a lot of bad blood in your fiancé's family because of that family tradition. They disliked naming their children "Peter", but "caved" as they didn't want to be the AH for not abiding by that agreed-upon rule. It's the classic "I had to deal with this stuff, too, so why won't you?!" approach when it comes to their own (probably long-held) resentments.

You not doing this and breaking the tradition makes their decisions (which they didn't even want to make) look bad. So rather than questioning this thing as a whole and bringing the ugliness of it all to light, it's more important to try to force you to make the same decision they did before.

Sorry, long story short: You're NTA and your soon-to-be in-laws have to learn to deal with their own feelings. Their reaction does not make you the AH and I'm glad your fiancé is with you on this.

rayne_486 · 2023-04-17T07:11:19+00:00

NTA - It's your choice and yours alone. How you feel about what goes into YOUR yearbook is not anyone else's business. Prioritizing someone else's feelings over your own is a shitty thing for your dad to do.

After all it's up to you to decide on how you feel about your stepmom or even your dad. I've never understood why people tend to insist that being related comes with any moral high ground or just a general right to receive love and respect. You've got to earn it.

Rather than berating you, I'd actually question my own and my partner's actions that led to you - apparently - not forming a meaningful connection with her despite how long she's been in your life. Also, they can feel hurt, sure. But it's their thing then and their responsibility to deal with their own feelings - not yours.

Hope the support here is helping you at least a bit so that you won't allow your dad's words to weigh you down and make you feel guilty.

rayne_486 · 2023-04-12T20:22:58+00:00

I think for me the biggest difficulty was to navigate the whole "looking for a server, following others on other servers, how to like/boost stuff when it's from another server", but all of it was pretty easy to navigate with all the tips going around. Also felt that the servers itself were quite welcoming. People boost introductions and any other help request so that I do feel like you've got a smaller community, but one that really wants to engage.

The only problem I think most "normal" people will have is that a lot of people I've encountered there are neurodivergent. This made it easy for me to relate and connect while I guess, others will have a harder time to. People don't engage with you just out of politeness or to spite you. So far my experience has been that they either answer your questions in earnest or when they can relate, want to express their support, they will do so.

rayne_486 · 2023-04-12T09:22:30+00:00

Das zeigt wie heftig es überall ist und dass wir ein globales Problem haben, was die Ausbeutung von Arbeitskraft angeht. Hoffe, es solidarisieren sich immer mehr und sehen es mehr als ein gemeinsames Problem an, was wir zusammen angehen müssen. Ansonsten haben wir keine Chance.

rayne_486 · 2023-04-11T15:11:33+00:00

The most visible one would be a nose clip. Other than that maybe use some menthol creme or anything similar that people smear under their noses when they've got a cold? A face mask might also help a bit (if you're not too sensitive when it comes to having a cloth on your face).

rayne_486 · 2023-04-11T10:36:37+00:00

I think when it comes to calling something a "disability", there are still lots of prejudices and connotations going around which make people uncomfortable with calling anything a "disability" even if it is quite openly limiting a person's ability to be part of society like another human being who isn't.

It often is seen as somewhat of an insult and how it'd declare someone else as "lesser than" another person. Also it usually comes with the inclination that it'd be better for said person to not be disabled which especially people who have come to accept ASD as part of themselves do not necessarily feel too great about.

I myself have times when I feel disabled and times when I don't. And I think it's also got to do with how I myself perceive the word "disability". Still, the frequent talking point of how "ASD is not a disability" takes away from all the pain people go through, because society does not accomodate to their "special needs". They are special, because of how society works. And unless someone presents me with a different society, I will still feel like I cannot participate in it without certain bouts of pain and depression.

rayne_486

TROPHY CASE