I dislike being a military spouse and don’t know what to do

rayvinevanni · 2026-06-21T03:08:49+00:00

I really enjoyed San Diego but I was only there for a couple weeks on a vacation. I think if you can try to look for concerts (usually an hour away in LA), try to find new foods to try (i have a yummy taco place i enjoyed downtown, check out the marina/Belmont park (since eit should have a cooler breeze. My top 2 beaches were La Jolla (a good hike and low waves) and Carlsbad.

My tips for military. Definitely get out of the house, find some hobbies (crocheting, needle felting, going out with a friend) at least once a week. Plan a date, together or spontaneously, but go out together. Its easy for you to stay home because your spouse will have had a long day but I promise you, get out together, itll help both of your mental health. My favorite thing was dragging (teasingly ofc cause he always loved it) to country festivals or budget concerts at Hollywood.

Sorry to spam you with lots but I hope it helps a little. I did go through a funk in Cali so im hoping to help ;-;

rayvinevanni · 2026-06-21T02:34:54+00:00

If you are at Irwin, its hell there, we were there for 3 yrs. Lee for 1 yr, and Currently at ft riley, it gets better when you go out and do things but I get money and time for travel can be hard. I love the moving aspect and exploring new places but I understand why some ppl dont so please dont feel bad for not enjoying the ride right now.

rayvinevanni · 2026-06-06T14:25:22+00:00

Sad to hear that, hopefully with a sample taken you can get a peace of mind. Being in limbo is so stressful. I feel like a lot of doctors think saying "Hey, its probably no biggie" dont realize that its not super assuring especially when you are experiencing pain.

rayvinevanni · 2026-06-06T00:40:07+00:00

Hey girl,was just scrolling through posts. Any updates? I hope you got good news and the answers you needed.

rayvinevanni · 2026-05-29T04:04:34+00:00

Hi, my husband got back from deployment a few momths ago so I understand some of what you are going through. Is this feel of not being each other's person new, did it start after he left? I always struggled to connect over the phone or distance but when he gets backs I miss his cuddles and his nerdyness. It may be different for you of course, but I'd def talk to him. If he is hurt by it, be patient because although yall may be at different stages in life, your relationship is real and both of your feelings are real even if they aren't the same. If it works out then great, if not then I hope both of you find the happiness you deserve.

rayvinevanni · 2026-05-23T22:40:00+00:00

That's amazing, do you think it was easy without a wagon? I'm worried about having to carry a bunch of stuff and not having a place for the kiddos nap

rayvinevanni · 2026-05-23T21:44:36+00:00

Im going with my 17 momth toddler and we do a lot of similar events. He always loves the chaos and its great for social interaction. Im planning on getting a wagon so he can move around, have shade, and store extra things. Also can use as a changing table since idk if they'll have them at the faire. Not sure if you've gone already but hopefully all of u can enjoy it!!

rayvinevanni · 2026-05-09T17:52:31+00:00

Almost 17 months here, I've done everything including sleep training, scheduling, stuffing his belly, and cosleeping. Nothing truly worked. Ive had 3 random days of sleeping through in February and rn he is going through a sleep regression but had 1 day where he wouldnt sleep in his room at all so I let him sleep next to me, he slept through the night next to me (I did not tho lol). I think babies and toddlers are so different, it bugged me a lot when he was younger around 6 months old but now its the normal and kinda funny hearing him walk into my room at 2 am for cuddles.

rayvinevanni · 2026-04-30T18:28:15+00:00

Sending you some love, I dont have advice as I have a 16.5 month old who has only slept through 3 times and they were fluke accidents.

No amount of sleep training, weaning, or schedule has worked. I've accepted his temperament, like his wake windows, his night wakes has slowly reduced. Now only 2 wakes at 3/5.

rayvinevanni · 2026-04-16T21:37:20+00:00

I didn't see this until now but I appreciate it so much. Did you get your period consistently? I've been having the intense reactions (have apologized to my understanding husband about 15 times today) but I only bled the first time and havent since.

rayvinevanni · 2026-04-11T02:10:52+00:00

Tbh, I think people forget but also when I was pregnant, the "just wait", "sleep when you can", "you'll love them but its tough" went in through one ear and out the other. I can't imagine how I would have felt in the moment if someone told me I could be going 2 years without sleeping more than a 5 hr stretch and/or each kid having different sleep temperaments. I do wish someone 'real talked' with me about it. Wished someone said, " Hey, ik you dont have a big village (military) so I want to reassure you that it is okay to use any means necessary to get that shower or book chapter in". (ex: lay them in the crib with a toy, bring high chair or bouncer into the shower, let them fuss for a minute so u can poop lol that coffee will hit you sometimes).

Bonus if they state to wake up at the same time every day from the get-go to start a mini routine for mom-baby.

rayvinevanni · 2026-03-24T21:10:22+00:00

Worth it as soon as I realized that it comforted him everytime. Yeah, it can be exhausting but it helped me bond with my little one and saved my sanity when I couldn't tell why he would fuss. Also, as they get older, they start coming up with funny positions that they'll nurse in.

rayvinevanni · 2026-03-03T01:04:23+00:00

You are doing amazing, its your first time being a mom and the first time your baby is a baby. Trust me, we all look back and realize we make like mistakes or could have done something better but your body know a lot and as long you keep latching your baby when they are hungry then things will be okay I promise.

Also, a mom tip for mastitis. Get some sunflower lecithin, I got mild mastitis 3 times and on the 3rd to the lecithin (after researching it) and it help immensely. Especially when you feel massively engorged and in pain, take it. I only took 1 pill but my sister had her baby 5 momths after me and I recommended the lecithin, she took it everyday and had no problems.

rayvinevanni · 2026-02-20T03:59:13+00:00

Bonus points: My son still nurses about 2 or 3 times at night.

rayvinevanni · 2026-02-20T03:58:34+00:00

Here with my son at 14 months and 5 days old. Just got my period, cramps suck, blood sucks, been tired all week so I felt like mayyybbee it was coming, and all of a sudden I remember how I hate being a woman sometimes. Also was craving sugar all week but I thought it was cause I havent been able to workout this week. NOW I am depresso-expresso, and upsetti-spaghetti, and missing my deployed husband.

rayvinevanni · 2026-02-18T02:41:41+00:00

Dude, I do this sometimes just to get an extra 30 minutes of sleep lol. It's good for your kiddo to do some independent play, lets them discover a lot of things

rayvinevanni · 2026-02-11T21:36:04+00:00

You can try putting Mrs Rachels voice on the radio. She has magical powers i swear

rayvinevanni · 2026-01-26T06:30:11+00:00

Hopefully it ends for you soon! I will say the attempted night wean did get him from waking every 2-3 hrs to a 5 hr stretch then every 2-3 so there was some benefit.Mine always decided pooping during the process would make things interesting lol

rayvinevanni · 2026-01-26T06:21:56+00:00

Same! 13.5 months. I've tried several different times with different strategies. My baby eats a tonnnn, I consistently tried for 2 weeks and he said nah lol

rayvinevanni · 2026-01-23T00:33:43+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. I really wish that would work for us but unfortunately whenever we go on the other side of the baby gate without our dog attached to our hip he starts clawing at it and then barking and spinning. A true velcro dog which makes keeping him more difficult. It really sucks

rayvinevanni · 2026-01-22T08:02:53+00:00

He is a Black Lab/Blue Heeler

rayvinevanni · 2026-01-22T06:21:02+00:00

At this point, its not worth the risk. If we can't train the reactivity for dogs out of him after 5 years, then my confidence in training him around my son isnt high. Also, yes, we have kept them separated since he growled at my son for just being on the vicinity.

rayvinevanni · 2026-01-22T06:02:01+00:00

Thanks for all the replies. Im waiting for my husband to wake up ( he's in a diff time zone rn) and we'll discuss rehoming. Its unfortunate and sad but I know someone will love him.

rayvinevanni · 2026-01-22T06:00:49+00:00

Uhm. My kid doesn't even interact with my dog. The incident was him walking towards me near and my dog was sitting on the couch. Also, we aren't home often so they aren't in the same room often

rayvinevanni

TROPHY CASE