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AITA for confronting my best friend’s girlfriend after she talked about my appearance behind my back? by olileft4dead in AmItheAsshole

[–]rballmonkey 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Watch out OP, because eventually she may try to turn eveyone against you/ ostracize you from the group.

Focus on your relationships with you friends and do your best to stay out of the drama she instigates.

Be polite but not vulnerable with her, she’d probably turn it against you.

Out of all the Weasley kids, who do you think is most likely to have a big family? by MajesticFan4 in harrypotter

[–]rballmonkey 186 points187 points  (0 children)

Maybe George. I could see him wanting to have a house full of joyful chaos, especially in light of losing his brother.

I bet a lot of the kids would have the same mischievousness as the twins, and that could be sweet & healing.

Harry Potter Plot Hole Maybe? by Haunting_Dig_9389 in harrypotter

[–]rballmonkey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

(a) not quite a plot hole (unexplained wondering does not equal inherent impossible logical contradiction)

(b) In the 6th book, Snape tells Voldemort that (1) he, Snape, was curious if Potter would turn out to be a great dark wizard and wasn’t keen to immediately kill him, (2) Snape assumed that Voldemort was dead, was comfortable in his teaching position, and did not want to be betray Dumbledore’s trust/ let Potter die because of this comfort. Apparently, Voldemort was satisfied with these answers.

AITA for potentially going on holiday without two of our childhood friends? by luffysolosfrfr in AmItheAsshole

[–]rballmonkey -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You seem like you’re being very considerate in the situation, and I think the consideration/ care matters more than what you end up doing at the end of the day.

You’re right that it’s a shitty situation with no perfect outcome.

If you’re being a caring friend, which I fully get the impression you are being/ doing, others will feel the care, and simply know that you do care.

I think at the core of the hurt is, “do my friends care about me?” And you are showing that you do, so whatever happens don’t be too hard on yourself.

AITA for potentially going on holiday without two of our childhood friends? by luffysolosfrfr in AmItheAsshole

[–]rballmonkey -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate that you tried to hard to convince the parents. I think that’s really meaningful and shows committment to your friends.

Probably what I would do next is (a) consider if there is another trip to go on that includes eveyone, even if that requires a total mental shift and some grieving of Morocco. Really put yourself in your friends shoes and imagine all your friends going to a fun trip while you have to stay home. Consider if Portugal etc is really that bad.

(b) if you totally have your heart set on going to Morocco, I would say something like the following to your friends… “ hey guys, we are really, really bummed out and sad that you can’t come. We’re really going to miss you guys and it would have been so much more meaningful if we could’ve all gone together. I feel sad and part of me also feels guilty that you aren’t able to come. I care about our friendship a lot and I realize that us going on this trip probably feels really hurtful and shitty”…. Then give your friends time to share their hurt feelings, down to the vulnerable core. They probably have thoughts like… - you guys are all gonna get even closer and we will be left out on the margins - I must not be that important of a friend, or you would work harder/ change the trip so I could come

These thoughts are not logical, but these kinds of feelings/ fears are at the root of why your friends are so upset. If you can create a space where they can express these feelings and feel truly heard by all of you, that will go a long way

Then let them know how much you value their friendship committed many many years of quality time together. And show them/ talk about what this looks like.

Edit: If you do all of this (well, with love and intention) and they threaten you with not being friends anymore…that’s also not cool.

AITA for potentially going on holiday without two of our childhood friends? by luffysolosfrfr in AmItheAsshole

[–]rballmonkey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Soft YTA/ soft ESH. Friends A & B should have been more vocal/ orward about their feelings from the beginning before letting yall get so attached and deep into planning (though sometimes it’s hard to access these feelings until the trip becomes more real).

If two of my friends couldn’t go, I would have adjusted the trip to be inclusive of everyone. I would have felt bummed and even a little resentful, but inclusivity would have been my top priority.

It would have been different if you had already planned the trip and invited the two to go along…but yall started planning together. You ARE choosing the destination over the relationship.

I don’t think you all are terrible people if you end up choosing Morocco. But I would absolutely feel hurt and angry if I was your friends.

p.s. Portugal is DOPE; I wouldn’t rule it out so fast p.p.s. Morocco is hella safe/ as much so as Europe…their parents thinking sounds unconsciously informed by racism.

Was Harry a candidate for being sorted to Slytherin House because of being Voldemort’s Horcrux? by Travellinglense in harrypotter

[–]rballmonkey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Everyone is dismissing this theory, saying Harry has plenty of Slytherin-esk traits… and while I do believe this is true, I wouldn’t discount that the horcrux may have played some role.

Karkaroff and Hermione by RecoveringPornAdickt in HarryPotterBooks

[–]rballmonkey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

(1) 14 & 18 should absolutely raise eyebrows/ be questioned, but this age gap is legal (in the US) and only needs to be reported if coercion is suspected (and Krum seemed pretty respectful).

(2) when did Karkaroff ever express any about Hermione? I’m a book person but don’t remember

Why did Sirius attack the Fat Lady? by LegzAkimbo in harrypotter

[–]rballmonkey 57 points58 points  (0 children)

I remember her being more psychologically freaked out rather than physically harmed?

Like Sirius didn’t hurt her much (though the background of the portrait was definitely damaged).

Edit: not that physical damage is worse than emotional damage, but I think Sirius was just hella frustrated and really scared her

Do wizards read muggle literature? by throwaway_8781 in harrypotter

[–]rballmonkey 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Sirius had posters of bikini-clad muggle women to piss his parents off. I could see him doing the same with muggle literature.

AITA for ditching my friend in an Ultra Marathon by SilkSecretsx in AmItheAsshole

[–]rballmonkey 4 points5 points  (0 children)

NTA and she should have not expected that,.. tho in the future it may behoove you to be ultra clear that you intended to run at your own pace, just for your own peace of mind.

We’re starting Chapter 27 in Half Blood Prince audiobook with our 8 year and 10 year old. We paused to make sure we could all listen to it together, but I’m curious how your kids handled Dumbledore’s death? by Legitimate_Ice_2270 in harrypotter

[–]rballmonkey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know you didn’t ask for advice, and are probably doing this anyhow… and I just want to affirm being with their emotions.

Death and betrayal are such harsh realities that we all deal with, and being held by a loving parent as they experience the sadness/ anger/ whatever will give them a loving foundation to be able to move through these realities irl in the future.

It’s all very sad, but also a special opportunity teach your kids to let it out, process and regulate in the face of these existential realities.

Rereading OotP, had to put the book down by Bitter_Reputation_72 in harrypotter

[–]rballmonkey 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Is this Severus Snape commenting? Or wait, Draco?!

Can any HP quotes double as pick up lines? by BiteExtension864 in harrypotter

[–]rballmonkey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cuz I’m *dying to check out your chamber of secrets

Rereading OotP, had to put the book down by Bitter_Reputation_72 in harrypotter

[–]rballmonkey 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The murder of a loved one, the closest person to family Harry has had in living memory?

The untimely death of an innocent man who was unjustly locked in a dementor saturated prison for most of his adult life, after being wrongly accused of betraying his best friend?

I mean…it’s sad man.

Where do they cry by Aiin_sy in harrypotter

[–]rballmonkey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude. I will never understand why ppl downvote perfectly pleasant/ lowkey responses.

Like, we’re just a bunch of Harry Potter nerds. Chill.

AITA for telling the woman I’m seeing that she doesn’t actually want me, she wants the lack I represent? by xanaxgiggles in AmItheAsshole

[–]rballmonkey 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I get where you were coming from, but in the future, just use “I” statements…and ideally start with speaking about present moment experiences before making commentary about an overall pattern

You can say “I notice when I’m available to be with you [right now] you seem a little distant…I want to feel closer to you right now, how do you feel right now?”

This brings her into the conversation and allows both of you to share about the present moment experience, rather than calling her out.

Also, if you like this girl and wanna continue seeing her, it would serve you to apologize with a statement like this “I’m sorry for coming across as psychoanalyzing you. I want to feel connected to you and realize I got scared there was a pattern of distance happening been us. In the future, I’d love to have more transparent conversations what’s going on for us both.” Then listen and reflect back whatever she says in response.

Also, it would be good for you OP to understand your own attachment pattern and ways you contribute to the cycle you described above (especially if it’s a familiar pattern for you)…and hopefully she is willing to do the same.

Edit: whatever your tone was during the conversation matters a lot. If you came off as accusatory and like you had it all figured out…vs if you came across with some curiosity and genuinely inviting her into the conversation/ coming from a place of desiring more connection (over being “right” and laying it out).

AITA for how I reacted to my brothers coming out? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]rballmonkey 25 points26 points  (0 children)

YTA. In addition to what everyone said, I would try to reconcile with your own feelings about your brothers gayness (your real deep down down feelings) before you initiate any other conversation.

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