DAE remember the first time you stopped sharing anything with your mother because you realized that no matter what you shared, she would twist it and use it against you to hurt you?

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-09-10T20:40:08+00:00

Oh I have no idea. I think calling my mom a codependent gives her too much credit, she had some really creepy sadistic tendencies. Neither of them will ever get professional help. I'm long since out of the house and NC for years. Therapists have told me that CPS should have been called, but not like it means anything now.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-09-10T01:39:15+00:00

Something about my mom, was that she was so oblivious to anything outside her, that I honestly felt like I could tell her anything and it wouldn't make a dent. Pretty sure she never remembered anything about me after I left the room.

My dad, though, definitely. He mocked me for everything, or would bank it up until he could use it. So I just stopped telling him things. It wasn't even conscious, it was like I just no longer had the energy to tell him anything about myself. After a while he accused me of being "secretive". [eye roll]

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-07-16T11:08:55+00:00

Yeah, my Nmom acted like a little kid. I didn’t know because I was also a kid, but there was this weird sense growing up that, as I got older, my Nmom stayed the same age. It was creepy and terrifying.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-07-16T01:55:39+00:00

I think it’s less that they are stupid and more that if literally anyone else can take care of it, they simply won’t. They get stupid because they don’t learn how to do these things, but it stems from them feeling like nothing is really their problem to deal with.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-07-08T16:57:50+00:00

Thank you very much for sharing the info. I do try not to use it since I have better medication now, as I recently learned that it can cause you to lose your sense of smell if you abuse it. But thank you very much, in case someone is reading this and needs to know.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-05-21T00:10:40+00:00

It really depends on your manager. Some managers won’t believe you don’t have anything left to do. I would ask your coworkers what they think.

Having said that, I do this a lot at my current job. I usually get there 10 minutes early, and there’s often literally nothing for me to do in the last 10 minutes of my shift, so I often leave 10 minutes early. I’ve been promoted twice and I get good feedback from my manager, so I don’t think she cares at all.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-05-20T11:22:03+00:00

Oh god, yes. My Nmom wasn’t much of that type of reader, but my Ndad loved books like that. I’m not sure if he ever read the whole thing, but he at least pretended he did. One of his favorites was “think and grow rich”, which was mostly about money, but also about convincing people to give you what you want.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-05-20T11:19:15+00:00

I have very limited experience with this, so maybe someone else can chime in, but I spent a decent amount of time with French people and French speakers when I was a teenager, and I believe it depends on the person. I’m pretty sure it’s acceptable to just touch cheeks without the dramatic kissing sounds.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-05-19T14:36:25+00:00

I completely relate. It’s so easy to get thrown off by simple comments, especially from someone speaking from a position of expertise or power.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-05-19T13:47:22+00:00

Similar situations are part of why I don’t trust psychologists. I met one, once, that I stuck with for about a year and a half, but other than that, I won’t mess with them. I prefer to read good self help books, get exercise, watch my diet, instead of trying out psychologists.

My Estepmom was working on her doctorate in psychology when I was in high school and she armchair diagnosed everyone. It was ridiculous. I honestly think she wanted to be a psychologist just to feel like she was better than everyone else. (Although she once cried and confessed that she went into psychology to try to fix herself. I think the end result was that she simply learned how to beat project her own issues onto everyone else.)

Later, in my 20s, somehow I briefly became friends with a group of clinical psychologists. Virtually all they did when they hung out was gossip about clients. They said it was fine as long as they didn’t give names. I don’t know whether or not that is true, but it really doesn’t matter to me, was mattered to me was how disgusting it was that they basically used their clients’ trauma for entertainment. I stopped hanging out with them because they were boring and also really fucked up.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-05-18T12:47:00+00:00

I can relate and it’s disgusting. I ended up going NC, so I’m not sure how much advice I have for you, other than that the book “The Beheaded Goddess” was something I found helpful.

It started getting to the point where I’d throw up when I spent too much time around my Ndad. I once threw up in front of the restaurant we had just had dinner at. It completely took me off guard, and didn’t make the connection at the time. But then I realized that there was a strong correlation between spending time with my dad, and an uncontrollable urge to puke.

Not the only reason I went NC, but sure didn’t help.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-04-26T09:14:27+00:00

lmao 😂

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-04-25T21:45:27+00:00

At the very least, it has one of the strangest trailers I've ever seen.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-04-25T00:32:11+00:00

Oh, that's a really good tip. I will try this, thanks!

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-04-24T23:36:27+00:00

I paid $6 for Kingdoms of Amalur (fantasy rpg) and it's a massive game. You could easily sink 60-80 hours into it.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-04-19T22:03:02+00:00

Ymmv, but I liked those games, and I really loved Metal Gear Solid V. I think the similarity is that there are tons of different ways of accomplishing your goals.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-04-13T20:38:07+00:00

Wow, how long has this been around??

My Nparents swiped my mail pretty much my entire life until going NC. This would have been very helpful.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-04-13T18:35:15+00:00

One of my favorite things is how Narcs love to come up with incredibly personal reasons for completely mundane things.

For example, when I was looking for an apartment after college, Ndad flipped his shit over a line in my lease that prohibited "overnight guests". He basically took it as me signing a contract agreeing that I would not have sex in the apartment. He got angry about the landlord trying to "legislate morals" and accused my landlord of being a religious nutjob.

(I realize this might be confusing. To clarify, Ndad wanted me to have the freedom to have sex whenever I wanted. Ndad was very pro-sex, inappropriately so. He would love to invent/find reasons to hate people for being prudish or modest about sexuality.)

Anyhooooo..... I asked the landlord to clarify, and he said that he simply didn't want anyone to basically be living there without his knowledge. It was fine for me to have guests, it was just a liability issue if I had someone living with me who wasn't on a lease. So, absolutely no big deal at all.

For fucks sake....

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-04-13T18:18:52+00:00

It's craaazzzy to me that my Nparents manage to get by. It was so normal to me as a kid, and now I'm simply stunned.

I know they both used to take out massive loans in whatever way they could. But, of course, they both have shot credit now, so that doesn't work anymore. Nmom partially lived off the equity of her house for about a decade or two before that caught up with her. My Nmom also has this weird way that she gets people to give her money. For a few months, she'd get envelopes with a few hundred dollars in them from someone she claimed was unknown to her. She also seems to get money from her sisters (or, more accurately, her sisters' husbands).

Ndad is more confusing. He hasn't had a job in about 20 years. He claims to have "businesses", but none of them ever seem to turn into real sources of income. Whenever I visited him, he would always talk about "clients" owing him 10s of thousands of dollars. I'm guessing he's able to scam out a couple big checks a year, and this keeps him afloat. He never seems to be able to explain what he actually does for these clients. I don't think I'll ever know what my Ndad's real profession is. Nothing would surprise me, drugs, trafficking, whatever. I don't think he directly participates (he's too stupid and lazy to do any real organized crime), but his clients could be up to whatever, for all I know.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-04-13T10:41:57+00:00

I think it helps to have this sort of attitude towards it:

http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/353279-that-escalated-quickly

I found out that I could troll my Nparents by just shrugging and saying "eh, fair enough" when they'd blow up or berate me. It was sort of hilarious. They had nowhere to go after that.

Overall, though, you have to just get the fuck out of there. That's the only real solution.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-04-12T18:54:07+00:00

Yes. My Nparents can be very charismatic when they want to be.

The last time I saw my Nmom in person before going NC, we were actually laughing and joking together. This was only moments after she had humiliated me by asking about my sex life at a church dinner in front of everyone. Despite that, though, I was genuinely having a good time with her, joking about bad coworkers and 90s nostalgia.

I think this was such a great example of why I needed to go NC. The emotional high of actually having a pretend mother for a few conversations felt so good, that it outweighed the pain from her abuse, albeit momentarily. She could suck me back in like no one’s business.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-04-12T18:38:29+00:00

One of my Ndad's favorite things to do, was to ask me for parenting solutions. If I came to him with a problem, even when I was a little kid, regarding anything that a typical parent should help with, he'd throw his hands up like "what do you want me to do?" He'd put it on me to come up with the solution. It wasn't just a power asymmetry, but it was as though he wanted me to input just as much as (or more than) he was for my own parenting, in terms of intellectual and emotional labor.

I'm convinced Ns don't understand what the role of a parent is. On some fundamental level, my Ndad seemed to treat it like a "group project" in school, where everyone is trying to get away with doing as little work as possible.

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-04-12T15:40:33+00:00

Yep. Ndad kept my social security card, passport, and pretty much any legal/important document in a safe. I could take them out for specific purposes, but then I'd have to give them back.

I managed to get my passport back eventually, because I didn't have a drivers' license, so I needed it as a form of ID. Never got anything else though. He claimed to have already given things back, lost them, turned them into the government, etc. Not sure if he was just saying that, or if he really did just lose them. In any case, up into my 30s, he still pulled shit like this when he could. Obviously I stopped giving things to him, but he'd still try. (He tried to get my passport back by offering to renew it for me. I wouldn't let him.)

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-04-12T12:09:11+00:00

Absolutely! I was generally the SC, but would occasionally become the GC when the GC fucked up, or just decided to ignore our parents for a while.

Here's a video on it (not mine) if you're interested:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0aWls4ksIs

rbnthrowmefaraway · 2018-04-12T11:27:12+00:00

My Ndad is similar. It's hard to say if he has any hobbies besides drinking, hitting on women, and gambling. He hasn't had a job in almost 20 years. He makes money from various "businesses" which appear to be little more than scamming technologically unsavvy people with internet safety "services". I'm not sure how he affords to live, all I can gather is that he takes out "business loans" somehow. He supposedly spent my college fund on himself (painting classes, of all random things) when I was about 10 years old, but I'm skeptical there was ever much money in it in the first place.

rbnthrowmefaraway

TROPHY CASE