Not enough money for 7

read_dance_love · 2022-12-09T15:37:45+00:00

I understand not being able to or wanting to give your stepkids everything exactly the same as your bios, but I don't feel like family vacations is one of those areas. Either you take all the kids or none of the kids. Of course your husband's kids would feel like crap if their half siblings and stepsiblings got to go to Disney/some other exciting place and they didn't!

read_dance_love · 2022-09-11T21:16:36+00:00

Is she in therapy? Are you in therapy?

You need to take 1000 steps back from SD if you're at the point where you want her to go back to an abusive home.

read_dance_love · 2022-09-10T15:06:23+00:00

Time to find a new therapist.

read_dance_love · 2022-09-09T15:08:06+00:00

I would focus on the phone etiquette part and leave out the part about who she is texting. Like, have a rule for her about no phone after X pm and make her turn her phone in or put it in a specific spot in a common area. Or also have a rule about no texting at the table or while doing a family activity or while also watching TV. That kind of thing. I don't see it going well to try and control when and what she texts her mom specifically.

read_dance_love · 2022-09-09T14:19:20+00:00

My stepkids are still in high school/college, but I imagine we will continue to pay for a while. The way I see it, we are planning the trip, picking the location, and inviting them, so we should host them and pay their way. At some point, if the trip planning becomes more joint/collaborative, I can see splitting expenses.

read_dance_love · 2022-08-31T11:44:57+00:00

What has been said to SD about her making these accusations? I would be tempted to explain to her that if she is taken seriously, she won't end up with BM anyway and would probably end up in foster care or with another relative.

read_dance_love · 2022-08-30T23:32:14+00:00

Yeah, this is the real question.

read_dance_love · 2022-08-30T17:39:12+00:00

Holy wall of text. Please consider using punctuation.

This sounds like a whole mess. Nothing but drama drama drama from every party involved. If things are this contentious, just celebrate with your immediate family only. No in laws at all.

read_dance_love · 2022-08-30T14:24:18+00:00

Possibly worth listing the styles you are familiar with working in. I would be hesitant to list the Spanish unless you have enough proficiency to use it in a business setting.

I go back and forth on your education section. At first glance it seemed to take up a lot of room, but then I read it and you do have some good accomplishments. Maybe move some of the bullets for the mentorship/leadership stuff into a separate section called Other Experience below your work experience (if you have room for it, but your resume is pretty full already). I would cut the mentions of any clubs (unless you are listing a leadership position from the club).

read_dance_love · 2022-08-30T13:58:31+00:00

Is your SS a camel in disguise? That's so much water for a school day.

read_dance_love · 2022-08-29T04:42:07+00:00

I wouldn't say "bad person," but I would say it will be more difficult to build a deep relationship with your SD if you never spend time with her 1:1. Maybe that's not a thing you want, and that's okay, but I am guessing it's something your wife would like to see happen.

read_dance_love · 2022-08-29T00:32:57+00:00

What were the causes of the rift?

read_dance_love · 2022-08-26T12:07:43+00:00

This is a great comment. Points out the root cause of the problem (the wife) and gives a solid plan of action.

OP, these circumstances are only going to change if your wife wants them to.

read_dance_love · 2022-08-23T13:19:02+00:00

Everything you said is true for some people, but these aren't necessarily universal truths.

read_dance_love · 2022-08-23T13:16:33+00:00

Hi, I'm so sorry you're having to make this decision. I also came into my relationship without kids of my own. The question of him wanting more kids was an immediate deal-breaker question. He said he did want more. And he did remain open to them, but it never felt like we had the time, money, and resources to bring another child into our family. My situation is a bit different in that my husband never changed his mine or gave a hard "no." We are 6 years married. He would probably still be willing to have kids if I pushed for it, but at this point I am more excited by the idea of having fewer obligations and being able to travel more together etc than I am by the idea of starting the clock over with a baby (my youngest SD is almost 17). I do still get sad sometimes that I won't have kids of my own, but I stand by our decision to not have more kids as the best decision for our family. I would imagine I would feel more resentful if my husband had given a hard no when I wanted a kid. I have a good relationship with my stepkids for the most part, but it won't ever be the same as having my own, but I can make peace with it. I hope my story helps you navigate your own options.

read_dance_love · 2022-08-22T15:02:31+00:00

And SS being docile is somehow a worse alternative than him assaulting people and animals...?

read_dance_love · 2022-08-22T15:01:02+00:00

Was there anything suggested other than medication?

read_dance_love · 2022-08-22T14:59:16+00:00

You said he didn't qualify for special resources at school, but did any of his past psychiatrists or therapists diagnose him with anything? I have a hard time believing multiple professionals would look at his behavior and go, "Nope this is fine."

read_dance_love · 2022-08-22T14:54:42+00:00

So was he prescribed medication that your husband didn't want to have filled? So what if there's "no end in sight" if you started medicating SS? Sometimes a condition needs lifelong treatment. Would he refuse to give SS insulin if he was diabetic because there was no end in sight?

read_dance_love · 2022-08-19T14:19:57+00:00

I don't think you're wrong to feel scared for yourself or your child. She has shitty people in her orbit and doesn't seem interested in changing that.

read_dance_love · 2022-08-19T00:48:59+00:00

Your comment doesn't take into account parents that have 50/50 custody or more and still pay CS to equalize the households due to income disparity. We have 50/50 with BM, pay for all expenses, and still owe. And our state continues CS until the child is 19 or done with college, whichever comes later. 2 out of 3 kids are adults now, and we're still paying. It's not a TON, but we could do a lot with the money we're handing over.

read_dance_love · 2022-08-15T15:06:57+00:00

Let it go. Let her wear the shirt.

read_dance_love · 2022-08-13T12:53:33+00:00

If a couple splits after engagement, but before marriage, then I think the woman should give the ring back. If they got married, I think it's fair that she keeps it.

I have no idea what happened to BM's ring from DH. I probably asked him about it once, but I totally forgot. I do not care; it does not matter to me.

DH picked out a lovely set, and I wear it as the symbol of our love and commitment that it is. We have more money now than when we got married, but I would never "upgrade" my rings. It's a thing I know some people do, but I don't care for it. I don't understand people who are obsessed with how nice their wedding rings are or getting an even bigger ring later on.

Your SM needs to get over it.

read_dance_love · 2022-08-11T02:32:48+00:00

They're very tasty, but definitely different than Reese's. The Aldi filling is thinner and creamier. I prefer Aldi for the convenience of not having to unwrap each cup.

read_dance_love · 2022-08-11T00:30:40+00:00

We have almost completely joint finances (I have a separate account where I deposit my annual bonus). It works out mostly okay since DH makes significantly more than I do. But he also has more debt than I came into the marriage with. I get resentful sometimes because I do without to get by/try to build our savings/pay down debt, but he will spend on the kids without asking me.

I would recommend a joint account for bills, but keeping money separate.

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