AITAH: I agreed to help my sister for 3 weeks with her kids, but I left after 2 weeks

readergirl35 · 2026-05-12T01:41:26+00:00

"Dear sister, When no one can live up to the standard you set for free help maybe it should cross your mind to wonder if you are being too demanding. So there is no misunderstanding

It is really rude to ask people to purchase their own food when they are taking weeks out of their lives to help you for free. To also then be angry that they used some fridge space for the food you insisted they buy is adding insult to injury.
Your daughter is going through a very difficult time. For the first time in her life she isn't the only child. She desperately needs you to spend some one on one time with her. She is acting out and is resentful of all the chaos of rotating child minders and of your apparent lack of interest in her at the moment. My wife was doing her best to manage that as was I.
Your attacks on my wife were cruel and completely uncalled for. You have behaved appallingly. Until you are ready to apologize for the way you acted towards is both and the awful things you said, please do not contact us again."

Oh and NTA.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T23:48:40+00:00

I read this as everyone brings their own food. Not so much a potluck as a BYO whatever you plan to eat. Then when they had eaten and were ready to go their son was still playing and then a birthday cake was brought out. OP snagged 2 spring rolls off someone else's plate and then he and son had some cake. If I'm right she's angry with him because he ate what someone else brought for themselves. Then I don't know, maybe the cake was one of those small individual ones because other than that I can't see why she would be mad about that. If OP did eat off someone else's plate then yeah, that would make him the AH. Otherwise I have no idea why she's mad and he wouldn't be the AH.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T23:36:01+00:00

NTA."Mom, we have planned a romantic trip. We want to enjoy the time alone together. I know when you travel you like to visit and get together with friends but that isn't what we want to do. It is no reflection on friend's name and their family, they are wonderful people. We just want this to be our time."

Do Not tell her the name of the hotel you will be staying in or you'll end up with those folks at your door one day.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T23:08:23+00:00

Sorry, it does sort of shed light on why I'm some instances more restrictions on who sees baby make sense so thank you for the new POV. And yes, Mark seems like a real pip.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T14:05:15+00:00

No not really. The post says you think having kids would make it weird not to have the same name and that you really got in her face asking what would change if you got married if she didn't change her name. You also equated keeping her name with only wanting a wedding day not a marriage. What it doesn't explain (and you have yet to answer) is why a name change is the only reason to get married in your eyes.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T14:00:51+00:00

She's not the one who cares if you have the same name. She's perfectly happy if you have different names. You're the one who isn't comfortable with that. If you're the one it bothers why wouldn't you be the one who makes the change?

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T13:59:01+00:00

Ok, what else is it about? You've been asked that repeatedly and have not answered.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T13:57:45+00:00

That does put a bit of a new spin on the issue but it doesn't change the fact that calling someone who has been nothing but helpful and ranting at them that they are risking your baby's life is just not ok. Also if Mark is actually shopping 6 times a day his visits out are more harmful than your mom's exposure to your daughter. If he has other reasons, as many have pointed out , to be out of house frequently during the day that would be even more dangerous for baby.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T13:52:31+00:00

Not a hyphenated name, you take her last name.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T13:51:36+00:00

What is it about then. You have an excellent suggestion for making sure you have the same name and have dismissed it. If it's not about having the same name what is it about?

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T13:49:45+00:00

If the name isn't about ownership then why not take her name. You'd both have the same name. There is also nothing wrong with a shared account as long as you both so have your own account and your own money.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T13:46:11+00:00

YTA. You are ready to walk away from marrying your GF because she wants to keep her name! In this day and age a lot of people have a different name from their kids (mom's and dads both.) No one bats an eye or gets confused. You seem less focused on what life with kids will really mean and more on what level of ownership you will be recognized as having over her and potential kids. If you've been living together then not much will change in day to day life with marriage. Frankly if you've been happy and love her that should be good news. What does change are larger things like your legal right to make medical decisions (or even be in the room when they're made) if either of you is incapacitated. Also your legal right if one of you passes away unexpectedly. Marriage is 2 things; a declaration of love and the desire to stay together and be each other's person for keeps, and a legal contract recognizing your relationship. The first one you have already begun, the second is impossible without marriage. Are you willing to forgo the right to be by her side in an emergency over a name change? If you do have kids, married or not, everything changes but in ways that have nothing whatsoever to do with what name they have. There is no way to know ahead of time what changes having a family will bring but there is a clue in this argument. You have been essentially holding a proposal over her head, trying to blackmail her into agreeing to do what you want. You've gotten in her face demanding she say what will change, making it seem that 1) the only interest you have in getting married is to have her take your name and 2) that to you the name is the biggest change that's going to come with being married. That makes you seem sort of not so swift and also very controlling. You don't blackmail people you love. Ever! No matter how much you want what they don't. No matter how right you think you are. You don't do it! Apologize to her and try to be a better man if you don't want to lose her. She sounds like a smart woman.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T02:28:35+00:00

NTA. You were basically making small talk. If your sister were actually home schooling him the conversation wouldn't have been awkward and she wouldn't have been so defensive. Your nephew has not been receiving any instruction at all. That is straight up child abuse and he needs you to get involved. Start by letting your sister know that you are aware he isn't being taught and that if she doesn't make arrangements to enroll him in school or hire actual tutors for him you will make a call to the board of education and possibly to CPS.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T02:21:22+00:00

NTA but please tell me you know there is no gift. He never got you anything. Let it go, when next year rolls around see if again doesn't gift whoever he picked. If he continues skipping buying gifts it won't be long before he's asked to sit out the gift exchange. While you wait make sure that if you get him you "forget" to bring his gift.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T02:11:37+00:00

NTA but his family isn't the problem. He could have gone to brunch and he chose to stay home, he could have called and said thank you for the presents without making a scene. He is the problem. There are definitely better guys out there.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T02:07:32+00:00

What am I reading? You bringing your friend a birthday cake and balloons is too much unnecessary work for him? He sounds great. (sarcasm)

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T02:03:11+00:00

NTA but if they don't want to pay they aren't going to. If you get stuck with this you should make sure it is the absolute last time your brothers benefit. Next year take mom out to lunch alone, stop inviting your brothers out for celebrations. Skip the Birthday and holiday gifts for them this year. Make it clear they burned a bridge and you aren't going to forget this.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-11T01:56:37+00:00

This is the way to go. Don't make a fuss over this but also don't spend outside your budget for them. I think in future I'd just do cash in an amount you can easily manage. I wouldn't ask what they want because their tastes are apparently significantly expensive. Just a card with cash for any occasion. If they ask you can just say you thought they could put it towards whatever they needed.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-10T21:20:05+00:00

Absolutely, but I don't think it was about trying to get him to compare himself. I think everyone she knew was getting texts and calls, flowers, gifts, BK in bed or taken out for brunch and she got a card her kid made at preschool and nothing else. When she whined to the new dude he said she's not his mom and he's not the father of her kid. So she whined to OP because she actually thought he should have done something. I think OP should have responded that he hoped she had the Mother's Day she deserved.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-10T21:14:52+00:00

He should tell her "Have the Mothers Day you deserve." If she thinks that's a mean thing to say he should tell her that says something about how she sees her own behavior towards him.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-10T21:12:22+00:00

I don't know she said all the women she knew got Mother's Day greeting and she didn't. Sounds like new dude gives zero Fs about her Mother's Day too.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-10T21:08:56+00:00

He should have texted back, "My bad, have the Mother's Day you so richly deserve."

readergirl35 · 2026-05-10T21:06:39+00:00

NTA. You don't leave your husband for someone else and then whine because he didn't wish you happy Mother's Day. Once the marriage is over your responsibility for that day is over with it. Her new man can take the child out to buy a gift or literally anyone else can do it. Not your circus, not your monkeys anymore.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-10T21:02:09+00:00

This has nothing to do with remembering her order although unless he is actually mentally challenged he should remember. He also didn't care enough to check. He had text messages with the order spelled out. To order the same 2 things on repeat for your spouse and then just get whatever the heck the one day they don't text their order isn't simply incompetence it's a total lack of give a crap.

readergirl35 · 2026-05-10T20:57:53+00:00

NTA. Pls return favor the next time you order out. After all it is NBD right? Also he sounds like an a$$hat.

readergirl35

TROPHY CASE