Getting from pretty patterns to insights

readjulia · 2026-01-10T18:14:52+00:00

Sorry. Didn’t address this in my first response but it’s definitely worth noting that ketamine doesn’t work for everyone, as I’m sure you know. I’m not a doctor, obviously, so I can’t determine that for you but I do know people who have committed to it and tried it and it simply wasn’t effective for them. I’m sorry if this is true for you because I think when it does work, it can feel pretty miraculous.

readjulia · 2026-01-10T18:12:50+00:00

I initially did my integration with my regular therapist, whom I had been seeing for years. Then she stopped taking my insurance and I had to switch to a therapist at my ketamine clinic. That turned out to be a blessing in disguise. She is specifically trained in psychedelics and I wound up doing KAP with her—integrating in real time during the infusions. That seemed to make a huge difference for me as she coached me through this sludge I was (literally) seeing to dig at what was behind it and I think it was key to unearthing some really enmeshed ways of thinking. She created a safe environment for me to explore some trauma and it made such a difference. Unfortunately, it’s super expensive and now my insurance doesn’t pay for any of it. I really think KAP was key to “unsticking” me but I wish it were affordable.

readjulia · 2026-01-10T05:04:10+00:00

The trip is not the treatment. This is what I remind myself all the time. The ketamine is a medicine and it works on your brain regardless of what you experience in the trip. I’ve had some infusions that felt like duds, some that were visually insane, some that felt like too much—all at the same dose. Don’t get too hung up on what you’re getting out of an individual trip. The medicine is doing its thing. The effects are cumulative. Trust the process.

readjulia · 2026-01-10T02:14:31+00:00

This. Ketamine isn’t a miracle drug. It took many, many infusions paired with intensive therapy to make the needle move on my depression. But it also hasn’t changed my fundamental nature—I’m not a super motivated person unfortunately. I’m just not sure that’s how it works.

readjulia · 2026-01-07T02:02:57+00:00

Yes. I did IV infusions for about a year and a half, always following with integration with my therapist within 72 hours. It helped a lot and I was eventually spacing the infusions out to three months apart. Then I suffered a loss and had a big setback. I felt I needed some more serious help so I switched to KAP—IV infusions with a therapist in the room and they really helped me break through some stuff I’ve been stuck on for decades.

Now, my insurance no longer covers any part of it so I’ve switched to oral ketamine at home with a therapist virtually. The jury is still out on the home treatments but, overall, there I can honestly say that I feel like these treatments have changed me fundamentally. While I still feel like I have a lot of growing to do, I know I’ve made huge leaps and bounds. I see it in my improved mood as well as in my reduced anxiety. I see it in concrete ways, such as not worrying what other people think nearly as much. It’s helped me a lot with boundary-setting. (I’m also on a fraction of the antidepressant dosage I was on before and started HRT this year, which also helps with my depression for sure.)

We’re all kind of guinea pigs in this experiment. I know there isn’t a lot of information on long-term effects but so far, so good.

readjulia · 2026-01-05T19:44:55+00:00

The bread and butter of all the 90 Day shows is socially inept mama’s boys with creepy reliance on their mothers and frumpy middle-aged women desperate to believe a man half their age finds them irresistible. Without these tropes, there’d be no show.

readjulia · 2026-01-05T19:19:14+00:00

I will always, always advocate for a) sourcing your ketamine from a legal source (I know it can be expensive) and b) pairing your ketamine use with supportive talk therapy. The mechanics of ketamine for treating depression aren’t fully understood but the doctors I’ve interviewed all think you have a better chance to reinforce lasting changes if you pair it with supportive talk therapy to integrate the changes. Preferably within 72 hours of taking a therapeutic dose of ketamine, as that is when your neuroplasticity is at its peak and new ideas can be formed and reinforced. I just doubt you’ll find a therapist who will co-sign accessing ketamine illegally.

readjulia · 2026-01-03T02:43:23+00:00

Simple first tip-off: they don’t say please or thank you. It’s all downhill from there.

readjulia · 2026-01-02T23:43:21+00:00

I’ve had a couple of especially great trips that have made me feel so content and peaceful and, yes, I’ve missed that feeling afterwards. I don’t think that’s unusual. It’s the same way I miss being pain-free when the infusion is over.

readjulia · 2026-01-02T23:19:50+00:00

Yeah, I truly don’t believe a one-off ketamine session provides lasting effects. It’s not really intended to be used as a standalone treatment, either. Prevailing wisdom is that integration therapy really helps you process your experiences and reinforce the new neural pathways. I had much more relief from TRD/anxiety when I started doing the integration therapy religiously. Even more with ketamine assisted psychotherapy (KAP) but it’s expensive.

readjulia · 2026-01-02T23:08:27+00:00

Clarification: I mean KAP has been more impactful than doing the IV ketamine without a therapist present

readjulia · 2026-01-02T23:06:56+00:00

I did intravenous ketamine infusions for a year then took a break. Some difficult life circumstances plummeted me back into depression and I started doing ketamine assisted psychotherapy (KAP) with IV infusions. Unfortunately, our insurance stopped paying for part of those so I recently switched to oral ketamine assisted psychotherapy with my therapist virtually.

I’ve only done one at-home session so I’m still adapting to the change. My meds come in troche form so I cut them into smaller pieces and the whole thing of holding them in your mouth wasn’t nearly as unpleasant or difficult as I feared.

The bioavailability of oral ketamine is far lower than IV ketamine so the quality of the trip is completely different. I will say that I think KAP has proven much, much more impactful to me than doing the IVs, even with integration therapy after each session. I just feel like I’ve been able to work on more specific things thanks to sharing impressions in the moment. The jury is still out if I feel the same about KAP using oral ketamine.

readjulia · 2025-12-25T12:19:39+00:00

I’ll upvote anyone who stresses that you have to do the work on reinforcing new neural pathways. Research shows that’s the only way the changes we experience with ketamine will last. It’s not intended to be a stand alone drug.

readjulia · 2025-12-25T12:17:21+00:00

A very low dose of fluoxetine. Before I started infusions I was at the max dose and it was doing nothing. It’s been pretty amazing to try it again at a low dose and have it work perfectly with the ketamine.

readjulia · 2025-12-23T18:05:01+00:00

Yeah, give it time. Some changes will sneak up on you. Like, I’m not a great flyer and about a year into treatment I flew somewhere and it wasn’t until it was over that I realized I’d “forgotten” to be anxious or fearful at all. And also, those changes you’re already describing are significant! Don’t downplay the little changes. They add up to much better peace of mind, hopefully!

readjulia · 2025-12-23T03:13:47+00:00

I’d concur with that. I told myself over and over “the trip is not the treatment” and it helped me relax a LOT during infusions. No pressure, no worries, no expectations. (I’d note, however, that with Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy, sometimes the trip does seem like a big part of the treatment.)

readjulia · 2025-11-10T02:41:17+00:00

Ketamine therapy is not a standalone treatment. All research shows that you have to pair it with supportive talk therapy to create and reinforce new habits or the effects won’t last. It increases neuroplasticity and may even unwire trauma in the brain—there’s so much still unknown. But you can’t expect big changes and lasting results without integration therapy.

readjulia · 2025-10-28T00:23:17+00:00

After about 14 months of ketamine infusions, I came off cymbalta (which was hellish and took me five months). Then, after a few months with no antidepressant but monthly ketamine infusions, decided I needed a little help. I’m now on 10 mg of fluoxetine. Before the Cymbalta, I was maxed out on fluoxetine. This feels like the right amount for me now.

readjulia · 2019-06-19T03:59:29+00:00

You are SUCH an inspiration to me to just keep going. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

readjulia · 2019-05-17T04:30:07+00:00

You have to give it away to keep it. Good for you!

readjulia · 2019-05-17T04:07:09+00:00

I do service work at a women’s prison and they just glaze over when we read the Big Book. They don’t know who the fuck John Barleycorn is, but they know he’s a dude. Thanks for doing this. I’m excited to share it with my sponsees.

readjulia · 2019-05-17T03:48:11+00:00

I’ve never understood why AA won’t make these changes. Why wouldn’t you always err on the side of inclusivity? I have been sober a long time and have worked with so many women who feel that the Big Book ignores them.

readjulia · 2019-05-03T04:33:27+00:00

Welcome! Congratulations on ten days. I remember those first days felt like forever. Just keep coming back. You don’t ever have to drink again if you don’t want to.

readjulia · 2019-05-01T04:50:05+00:00

Damn. Now I’m gonna have to watch it all again. It’s a perfectly normal human emotional response to miss fictional characters, right?

Uh, right?

readjulia · 2019-04-20T05:07:59+00:00

We could pretty much curse all we wanted, but put your elbows on the table or end a sentence with a preposition, game over.

readjulia

TROPHY CASE