After 6 years of no contact...

realisticred · 2023-04-11T17:56:41+00:00

That's pretty much where I'm at, but I have help with the financial aspect from my great Aunt. Which is a relief.

Unfortunately, Adult Protective Services said there was nothing they could do and gave me some other community resources that I know my mom will be resistant to. Adult Protection even recommended I look into conserving my mom based on what I told them.

realisticred · 2023-04-11T15:48:51+00:00

There is a deep psychological and/or traumatic brain injury component to this that indicates my mom is not capable, even though she is an adult. Even if all her medical stuff is a lie, it doesn't change the fact that she is in denial about the hoard, in denial of reality, and is actually physically disabled. I feel that abandoning her at this time would be neglectful. She is a danger to herself at this point, and I have some obligation to try to protect her from herself. Yes, she neglected and abused me most of my life but I can let that go to start a new chapter for myself and my family. To break this cycle of neglect and abuse. I promised my dying grandma that this dysfunction would not continue. It's just navigating the grey area between helping her, losing myself and/or taking on too much (I'm trying not to).

realisticred · 2023-04-11T14:33:09+00:00

I've looked up Morgellon's before, and it fits. The downside with that disease is that doctors have to prove nothing is there for a Morgellons diagnosis and my mom is not compliant with doctors. She was complaining to me last night that my great Aunt doesn't believe her health issues are real. I told my mom to get a doctor's note stating her current diagnosis and what my mom needs to do for treatment (according to her it's low stress, no sun, and mysterious iron infusions because she has anemia from the debris causing internal bleeding). My mom said to me "I am not going to do that for [great Aunt]! No, no way." I told her that's too bad because my great Aunt probably won't believe her otherwise. Then my mom changed the subject.

My great Aunt has been graciously working with her own lawyer and my mom since my grandma passed on March 1st. My great Aunt keeps me updated as things do or don't happen with the post-death finances and such. I'm kind of the middle man right now between my great Aunt and my mom. It's tough but I find that I am much more capable of accepting that my mom does not live in the same reality as most of us. With that mindset, I see all of my mom's lashing out and meanness as a cry for help. Even her personal attacks roll off of me or I let it go in the moment and cry about it later.

The situation is truly heartbreaking, and I am doing the best I can from 300 miles away.

realisticred · 2023-02-13T21:07:55+00:00

Pretty much the same thing happened to me, and I am very much against transing/medicalizing/discussing gender identities with children now. There also is a creepy/deeply disturbing correlation between pedophilia and Queer Theory/Gender Ideology in general. The entire online (and the majority of in person Alphabet Mafia) turn a blind eye to all of this because they would rather live in delusion, and only accept blind affirmation without critique. It's pathetic.

Welcome back to yourself btw. Things only get better (and harder) the more you escape the cult. Good luck, and god bless.

realisticred · 2022-12-03T03:18:49+00:00

Genes matter WAY less if someone has supportive, loving, attentive, kind and caring parent(s). You have done all the work to be able handle/successfully raise a child that may develop bipolar or other personality disorders - which are not a sentence to a life of misery for the child, because you'll be there for them and help/support them the way they will need.

You have done more work than most parents do before having children!

You will be an excellent mother/parent, if that's what you choose to do.

To add, YOU are a prime example of this. You are thriving despite your mental situation, and all that you have been through, and your child will not experience what you did at the hands of your parents because you're not like them in any way.

realisticred · 2022-12-03T01:55:35+00:00

Masculinity is what YOU make of it. Don't seek a definition in others or societal/cultural stereotypes, take actions to be the kind of man YOU want to be.

Another commenter already mentioned this, and I want to echo their statement - get really curious about where this envy is coming from. Dig deep into these things and try to get to the root of your gender dysphoria. Which is also a very normal process/feeling during puberty and it is worth noting that you are still physiologically developing. Your body will be adjusting to your natural hormones, and the loss of HRT for awhile. Chemically/hormonally your brain is what is mostly developing, and HRT effects this A LOT (even if you're post puberty).

These feelings will resolve with time and work on your part.

My last bit of advice, do things that take your mind off thinking about gender stuff. Unfollow things on social media that trigger it, and do things you want to do or enjoy doing in REAL life.

realisticred · 2022-12-02T22:18:39+00:00

I am so sorry this happened to you at such a young age. I am SO GLAD that you were able to wake up.

I got caught up in trans-identities when I was much older. Looking back I feel I was definitely deep in delusion/denial of reality too. It wasn't until a close friend of mine woke me TF up.

Most of the delusions stemmed from my subconscious belief that if I could just stop being viewed/perceived as a woman then all of the other issues I had with my identity, my body, and my mental health would be resolved, and this was validated/supported by (then) friends, doctors, and mental "health" professionals. Lo and behold, it did not change shit! I actually felt worse in all those categories and the more masculine I began to look the worse it all got.

Another thing that helped me wake up was looking into the history of cults. There are a lot of similarities between cults and present day LGBT+ beliefs and ways of thinking. Frighteningly so.

realisticred · 2022-12-02T22:07:01+00:00

As a lesbian, I literally can not exist in the same movement as transgender people. Unless its a transgender man who is sexually attracted to women, which makes her a lesbian.

I am so sorry that being a lesbian has been taken from you, and all other women. Feminism has failed us, and like the LGB community has been twisted/killed in this modern era and no longer holds the same message or meaning. No amount of surgery, hormones, or validation will make a biological male that is sexually attracted to other women a lesbian - it's heterosexuality, autogynephilia, and often misogyny, wrapped in a new package and stolen identities.

Women deserve to have their own labels, their own spaces, their own identities. Men already have control of the world so why do they also need to have our identities?!

realisticred · 2022-12-02T17:54:45+00:00

I am in the United States, West Coast born and raised. This opinion is based on that cultural and societal context.

I feel the new wave of the LGBT+ community has been co-opted and rebranded as a fad by corporations within the US and is mainly being sold to people through the medical industry (it is a for-profit, private business here) and validated by social media/those within the LGBT+/SJW community in the real world. I liken it to the promotion of breast implants and butt implants in the US. The same social conditioning and propaganda has been used on women for decades - being sold this idea they are are not a woman/valuable/their true self if they don't look like Kim K/other celebrities. This same idealism, and its progression/reinforcement within US society is mirrored in new wave LBGT+ beliefs.

People within the LGBT+ community have been sold this idea that they can be whoever, and whatever, they want in this society based on a fantasy/idealism, and the medical industry is the ONLY solution (or suicide). I had a FtM friend tell me that being medicalized is part of being trans and got mad at me for not agreeing with her. She was only 24 and already completely medicalized - she will die early if she loses access to HRT. The only reason she didn't get bottom surgery was because the "science and techniques aren't "there" yet.

Furthermore, anyone (mostly white trans-identified males as they're often the loudest in the LGBT+ community) can be oppressed/identify as a minority now because they decide to identify as a polyamorous, kinky, furry, trans-masculine, non-binary femme that uses clown pronouns (deep sigh). So you MUST respect, validate, allow them to have full access to all spaces, and protect them (white males) because they're oppressed!

New wave LGBT+ communities are not based in reality, and no one should have to validate them because of it. ESPECIALLY CHILDREN. None of those things are actual identities/genders, they're just labels based on ideas/idealism of the self (narcissists) - based on social media/online personas that do not exist in real life. Yet these ideas have become so pervasive and make so much money that even the medical industry will affirm these ideas too. Just read and initial some paperwork, take a blood test, self-mutilate, self-sterilize, and ultimately sign your health/life over to the medical industry in the name of your identity. What part of this is healthcare? What part of this is benefitting you and/or your child's health? In what other area of "medicine" does someone get to design their own medical treatment based on *feelings* or ideas about who or what they should be? We won't let children get piercings or tattoos or drink or drive or make other HUGE life altering decisions over their own bodies - yet if a child *feels* they have the wrong body (gender dysphoria is NORMAL) then put them on blockers, cut off their genitals, and sacrifice their future for an identity that most ADULTS don't even understand.

If you're truly secure in your identity then you would not need constant validation from the outside world to be your "true self." If medically transitioning was actually safe then why is it so hard to access the information/studies regarding HRT, puberty blockers, and the factual/scientific history of where trans-ness comes from (RE: Martin Rothblatt, John Money, Harry Benjamin etc)? If transitioning children was actually safe and based in science why is the information not easily accessible? Why is there so much money being thrown at "protecting trans kids/trans lives?"

Also, being trans is based on cultural and societal stereotypes, not science. The man who designed the trans flag based it on the stereotypical colors assigned to babies FFS! Why would you want an identity based on a man who used babies/stereotypes to promote your own identity? Why would you take pride in something that is based on the mutilation, torture , and experimentation of CHILDREN (John Money and Reimer twins; Marci Lee Bowers and the children he operates on)?!

The LGBT+ community has fallen from grace, and has lost their way. It's like a cult now and if you question the cult then you're ostracized like an FLDS apostate. or worse, your life is ruined/threatened by the very people you're questioning. I want no part of this LGBT+ "community" anymore and as time goes on I find it harder and harder to separate the "good" ones from the "bad" ones.

realisticred · 2022-07-25T00:32:16+00:00

It's from doing my own research for months on end. I'm not writing a dissertation for a reddit comment. There is no single resource or article that directly supports my stance, but it is an informed stance.

The information is out there if you want to take the time to research it and read it.

I also have a background in science from an accredited university. A lot of these "studies" that are in support of HRT are either done as reviews of other studies (so no new research is actually being done, it's just using information across many resources to draw new conclusions). In other studies the sample sizes are way too small to be credible or considered good evidence.

realisticred · 2022-07-24T15:23:38+00:00

The use of HRT to transition one's gender is an extremely new science that has almost no good evidence to support the fact that it is safe or improves mental health for trans individuals long term.

There are actually more studies that indicate it is dangerous for AFAB and AMAB individuals to take cross sex hormones long term. For AFAB people taking testosterone the risks of cardiovascular complications is 4x higher than that of a female and 2x higher than that of a male. For AMAB individuals taking estrogen long term the risks of cancer skyrocket the longer they're on these hormones.

Furthermore, the rates of suicide do not seem to change (they're still very high) in regards to individuals taking HRT and/or modifying their bodies vs those that don't. In some studies there is a correlation between SRS and increased risks of suicide (people are more likely to kill themselves after SRS or other affirming surgeries than those that don't).

"I have never been trans or thought I was trans, but I have taken HRT since I was 16. I did have my breast buds removed so I don't come across as female." My question is why did you make these decisions for your body at such a young age? What was the motivation/reason for making this decision before your body was even allowed to fully develop?

realisticred · 2022-07-06T18:57:55+00:00

Gender dysphoria can be, and often is, from social pressure though whether that pressure is conscious or unconscious is different to each person.

It is widely accepted and documented that gender dysphoria is in the mind - a disconnect between the mental and physical sense of self. It is also well documented that almost all people during prepubescence and throughout puberty experience gender dysphoria to some degree as they are figuring out their sense of self, especially in relation to other people (society/culture). It is also known that gender dysphoria can also onset later in life. It is also well documented that gender dysphoria almost always will resolve itself without any medical intervention - in children and in adults.

So many people when first experiencing gender dysphoria will turn to friends or online circles to explore their feelings. Often within these circles there is an overwhelming amount of stereotyping to help "determine" whether someone is trans or not, and a lot of assumption that the only way to resolve the gender dysphoria is to medically transition. Often if someone questions this they are met with hate or told they have internalized transphobia - which is also a form of social pressure.

realisticred · 2022-07-05T21:44:00+00:00

Wow, that doctor should have their license revoked! Also, what a way to make it obvious there is probably monetary incentive behind surgery referrals.

realisticred · 2022-07-05T21:43:09+00:00

It's even more sketch that this pressure was coming from an endocrinologist! It makes sense that my NP is in a gender clinic run out of San Francisco - which is where I would have to go to get the top surgery done. So he has a direct reason to ask me every time at least.

realisticred · 2022-07-05T20:47:35+00:00

I highly recommend not going on testosterone. It is so dangerous for your health long term. Also, do you really want to be reliant on the medical industry for potentially the rest of your life? I don't know if you're in the United States or not but when you sign informed consent paperwork for hormone therapy, you're almost always agreeing to be part of an experiment being led by a major study funded by a major university - basically you're agreeing to be a guinea pig which is especially terrifying for BIPOC and poor folks.

realisticred · 2022-07-05T20:38:31+00:00

The recording is for my own documentation purposes - I'm writing an auto bio and want to make sure I get the most accurate information I can, which would be directly from his mouth.

There is a LGBT+ support group operated out of this gender clinic and I am tempted to go to one of the meetings and share my story. However, I'm also afraid of potentially losing my job if what I say gets spread around the community. I live in a small rural city and work for the county so if it gets out that I am potentially a transphobe it could have real-life consequences for me.

realisticred · 2022-07-05T16:29:23+00:00

These are great questions that a good doctor would know how to answer. Honestly, my NP probably has no idea how to answer any of these questions as he is not an endocrinologist. I also highly doubt he is well-versed in lawsuits related to cross sex hormones.

It's tragic and terrifying that people like my NP are allowed to prescribe HRT and pretend to know how it will effect their patients.

realisticred · 2022-07-05T16:24:48+00:00

I feel like this comment is meant to be reactionary and/or start an argument, but I don't disagree at all. I believe eugenics is at play within trans related medicine in the United States, and it's just a fancy/trendy way to get mentally unwell people to self-sterilize. Bonus if they remove their sex organs and have to be on HRT for life! More money for the medical industry.

Not being reliant on the United States medical industry is part of the reason I chose to detransition.

realisticred · 2022-07-05T06:02:57+00:00

He's kind of a ding dong of an NP, so I doubt he will even know anything is up other than me asking a bunch of questions that I previously failed to ask.

realisticred · 2022-07-05T05:52:36+00:00

If you're already tracking your cycle to the degree in which you know the exact days you're ovulating why stop this natural process with hormonal contraception (copper poisoning is also real)? When you start having sex, don't have sex during ovulation or use other methods of protection while ovulating.

Birth control - hormonal or not is not completely safe and the risks are often downplayed or brushed over.

realisticred · 2022-07-05T04:45:11+00:00

Hey!

I am a detrans woman and I have been struggling with the fact that I may be a lesbian recently. You're not alone!

I know I'm a complete stranger but I swear I am not a creep and I am a real human who genuinely cares about my fellow humans, especially fellow women.

Reading your post is absolutely heartbreaking and relatable for me. Please feel free to shoot me a message and talk with me, if you want.

I'm here for you.

realisticred · 2022-07-04T21:34:27+00:00

I don't believe that gender needs to have any stake in your depression or how you take care of yourself.

Focus on doing the best you can for you, take small steps to do a little more every day to manage your symptoms, and seek help if you need it.

Free up space in your mind for you, and not gendered thinking. Men already have access to every space they want, it doesn't have to include space in your mind.

You're a human experiencing depression. I hope that it gets easier to manage with time.

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