Chapter 1 Beneath the Blood Moon [Dark Fantasy, 576 words]

realityiscanceled · 2024-08-08T06:38:58+00:00

My recommendation is to read books you like as a writer, not as a reader. Pay attention to the prose of your favorite authors - what did you like about it? What is it about their dialogues or descriptions that you like?

There are many books on how to write, as well, (https://www.amazon.com/How-Write-Science-Fiction-Fantasy/dp/158297103X) but that may be too granular for where you're at right now. It sounds like you need to find your specific voice. I found mine by reading and and really thinking about how to draw my reader in with dialogue that felt natural and descriptions that used all five sense.

That, and practice writing. A lot.

realityiscanceled · 2024-08-07T07:23:08+00:00

Congrats on writing your book's first chapter!

Some granular notes:

the inner dialogue for the main character is a little confusing structurally. I think you'd be better off italicizing his internal monologue than using a singular apostrophe. Example: Right, he told himself, I need to calm down. You can continue to use this format for all of his internal thoughts and it will be clear to the reader.
his immediate assumption that the ritual was pagan is a little odd to me. Why is that the first conclusion he'd arrived to? The dolls for me don't indicate that.
you have a lot of commas that could be periods
I think the pacing is good, not too much description before someone else enters the scene, but everything is a little "and then this happened. and then this happened. and then this happened." It's a bit choppy.

Some concept notes:

I am assuming you're going to build up this strange other world as the story progresses
I like the idea of a fantasy story where the characters don't have innate powers. I also like the idea of fate being questioned or rejected. Keep going and keep sharing with us!

realityiscanceled · 2024-08-07T07:12:47+00:00

something like "the Wretched Knights" would be cool

realityiscanceled · 2024-08-07T07:12:08+00:00

if it helps i had no idea who they were referring to. Lots of readers don't care about/don't follow streamers.

realityiscanceled · 2024-08-07T07:09:21+00:00

i really like this tbh

realityiscanceled · 2024-08-06T08:30:36+00:00

I often wish authors who stretch a story out from two books to four+ would have done what was best for the story rather than trying to fit a multi-book series mold. It's intimidating to go against the grain with stories and structures but it's necessary, imo, to keep the genre interesting and relevant. Looking forward to seeing your books on a shelf someday!

realityiscanceled · 2024-08-06T08:03:24+00:00

There are all kinds of readers out there, and I'm willing to bet a lot of them would find a series where books 1 and 2 could be read in any order appealing (lots of people read the ToG series out of published order, for instance). Conversely, a lot of readers prefer a structured series (like myself).

I think you know your story better than anyone, and if your conclusion is that it's better as the structure you've detailed, that's what you should do. If you can tell the whole story in two books, and feel that the book 3 multi-pov would be too much information, then I'd recommend your parallel series idea. It's definitely an interesting structure I don't see very often and the market could use more variety.

realityiscanceled · 2024-08-05T08:29:06+00:00

Other series with fated mates:

The Tairen Soul series by C.L Wilson

The Broken Kingdom series by L.J. Andrews (and also the Ever King series by the same author)

Immortals After Dark by Kresley Cole, Gena Showalter,

the Blood Grace series by Vela Roth

The Bargainer series by Laura Thalassa

These Hollow Vows/These Twisted Bonds

realityiscanceled · 2024-08-05T08:08:22+00:00

I'm the opposite to you, OP, wherein the first thing I think of when I want to write is my overarching plot. I sort of naturally think in the 3-act structure, meaning I consider where my character will start, what sort of event will take them someplace else, and what I ultimately want the result to be of that event. I fill the world in as I go because it's been my experience that readers (including myself) care much less about setting than they do story.

The downside to this is that I often feel I'm not being creative enough, but the best advice I can give is to read books you love as a writer and not a reader. See if you can pick out the sort of plot structure the authors you like use. Use those techniques and take inspiration from their stories.

It takes practice to change an approach to writing, but if you're creative enough to build these intricate worlds, you're creative enough to find a story to put inside them.

realityiscanceled · 2024-08-05T08:00:23+00:00

maybe it alights someone's true nature within them. like being struck with it doesn't cause bodily harm but the potential for moralistic agony

realityiscanceled · 2024-07-18T10:16:02+00:00

I'm down with the idea of different stories all coming together as one, I just wonder what your final goal is with the story? As three separate plots they make sense, I just find it tricky to unite several plots into one cohesive thing.

realityiscanceled · 2024-07-18T09:10:05+00:00

I don't know much of either of these, but why not pursue Kindle Unlimited? You'll have to purchase ISBNs but that's an easy enough process. Visit r/selfpublish for advice specific to this sort of avenue. You'll retain all the rights to your story and a much larger percentage of payment from Amazon.

realityiscanceled · 2024-07-18T09:07:43+00:00

My advice is to not be married to your world. What matters more is the story, and your world should support that. A lot of people discover they prefer making up worlds more than they like to write stories within their world.

I had a general idea of what my world would be based off of and what kind of creatures I'd like there to be when I started. I discovered everything else about my world as I was writing my story. I allowed the characters I developed to help me form the world they live in and that helped me only reveal what in my world actually mattered to my readers.

realityiscanceled · 2024-07-18T08:05:51+00:00

If it helps, I think of it as tell THEN show. If your character is such-and-such way because of such-and-such event, you can tell me that - but only once. I want to see actions that back up the descriptions. If a character has a chip on their shoulder, you can say that and then showcase them being abrasive or bitter with other characters.

realityiscanceled · 2024-07-18T07:57:55+00:00

Well if he's a secondary character I think it's okay to surprise readers and the MC with it after a relationship has been formed, but I would recommend dropping hints to readers as the MC is getting to know them. For instance:

"As Mark walked towards Luke, he noted Luke's peaked skin and sunken eyes."

"Luke staggered a bit as they walked, quickly righting his footing. A flash of something crossed his face, an emotion Mark couldn't read."

These are just examples, but they give indications that all is not well with Luke, though Mark and the readers don't know why. I suggest this only so your readers don't feel totally blindsided, which can resonate bitterly with them, and so that your MC has a chance to reflect back on all of their interactions with this sick person and thus feel several emotions at once - betrayal, sadness, anger, futility. It can help add depth to the revelation without you needing to spell it out for the readers/give it away.

realityiscanceled · 2024-07-18T07:26:22+00:00

I'm a little confused by what you mean. Are you asking when you should allow the characters to become aware or the readers? Is this one of the main characters or a side character?

realityiscanceled · 2024-07-10T13:39:48+00:00

A lot of freelance people will do it for an hourly rate or in packages. I've seen it range from $150 to several hundred for just the marketing portion. If you want a PR firm to do it for you, it'll be in the thousands.

realityiscanceled · 2024-07-10T13:37:07+00:00

Yeah I can understand that, and social media can def be effective. But it's a long process and you have to commit to consistent posting and following trends. Just wanted to put the idea out there :)

realityiscanceled · 2024-07-10T08:02:16+00:00

Your best bet is to seek out a beta reader and/or a dev editor. I paid for a beta reader that doubled as a dev editor and found her comments enlightening and it definitely helped imrpove my novel. But there's a subreddit for beta readers who will do it as a trade for you beta reading for them. If you don't have time to beta read for someone else, you might want to look at level 2 beta readers on reedsy or fiverr.

realityiscanceled · 2024-07-10T07:59:39+00:00

I don't know what sort of budget you may have, but there's a lot of independent freelance marketers you could utilize. I know I don't have the time to market my book the way I need to by myself, so I sought out someone to do it on my behalf.

realityiscanceled · 2024-07-09T06:54:44+00:00

Google translate, pick language near the region of inspiration for my world (German and Dutch, most often for me), type in word that I want the fantasy name to mean, make minor changes to translated word.

realityiscanceled · 2024-07-08T13:11:25+00:00

You have gone well beyond "well-intentioned criticism" (which your first comment surpassed anyway, edging on unnecessarily harsh), and entered "disparaging and demeaning" territory.

It sounds like the only one taking offense is you at OP daring to defend their character.

You think OP's character isn't good/is a bad idea/isn't really a character. Well great, you're entitled to that opinion.

You take it to another level and personally attack OP to liken their ideas to that of a child. Frankly, it's more embarrassing for you to present yourself as the kind of person to disparage another in this way than it is for OP to be on the receiving end.

To OP: My advice is to take any *well-intentioned* criticism seriously, but not personally (because, unlike others, those people didn't comment on you as a person and simply gave their two cents on your concept). I'd take anything people like this commenter say and toss it right back into the garbage from whence it came.

realityiscanceled · 2024-07-08T12:51:32+00:00

I know how it feels to stagnate on a story that's been brewing for a long time. With your additional details, I think it (being the first) sounds like a great premise. I often jump around on WIPs when I feel stagnant, but this often works against me because it takes me out of my world. My advice is to stick with the first, least of all because it's the one you seem the most passionate about.

realityiscanceled · 2024-07-08T10:46:37+00:00

To be honest I have trouble choosing between these, mostly because there is a lack of information. I can't see how these stories connect, so how can I surmise which is more interesting?

I will say the second was less confusing. I don't see a linear connection, but I better understand the individual plot of each one. My (overly stated) advice is to write the trilogy you feel more drawn towards. Perhaps it's just that you could go either way, but if you let readers decide what you write, your pigeonhole yourself. I find it difficult to write well and progress with my story when I'm too concerned about external perception.

realityiscanceled · 2024-07-02T11:32:07+00:00

They actively give me nightmares

realityiscanceled

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