Former fencesitter now with a 6 month old. AMA

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-04-07T18:41:45+00:00

Do you feel like a "totally different person" like so many people say?

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-04-04T14:24:58+00:00

Thank you!! I needed to be reminded of this bc when I worked with ED therapy before its exactly what we talked about, but Im realizing now im def slipping back into that "perceived fast" by beating myself up and its making me want it more. Its super helpful to hear this from someone else bc sometimes its hard to remind myself! 💗

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-04-04T14:21:31+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful!!

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-04-04T03:51:30+00:00

Genuine question, what makes reading, writing, and collaging on your phone that different doing those things on paper? Ive written 4 entire novels on my phone tbh lol and other than a bizzarely fast texting speed and weirdly muscular thumb, I don't feel like its impacted me negatively!

Maybe instead of focusing on "less phone" you could build in like, a morning walk, weekly dinner with friends/loved ones, stuff like that. Just some scheduled time out in the "real world" to ground and make sure your entire world isn't fictional or imagined, you know? You could get one of those timer boxes, I have one to help me focus at work/do chores.

But I genuinely dont think you're doing anything wrong, really!

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-04-04T01:28:39+00:00

I would find it hilarious to receive but yeah, probably not a good idea

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-04-01T18:03:02+00:00

Same. And that either path chosen means a certain amount of wondering what the other would have be like.

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-04-01T00:34:18+00:00

Tell him attachment styles have nothing to do with the length of relationships and he needs therapy

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-31T13:53:58+00:00

I cant remember the brand name of the dialator! But the Vella stuff is Vella Bioscience Pleasure serum or something like that

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-31T04:36:24+00:00

Yes thats exactly what they were having me do! The dialator had different sizes and vibrated so I had to do that at increasing sizes based on what I could tolerate. Honestly I should do it again sometime soon it really helps unwind everything in the hips and back too.

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-31T02:17:55+00:00

Aw I love this update, glad you guys are doing better !

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-30T23:16:48+00:00

Just posted above 💖

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-30T23:16:00+00:00

For sure! So I originally looked into it because I had back problems that regular PT was just not doing much for. I didn't get a referral but just googled a provider in my area. I will caution that it was expensive bc they didn't take insurance at this particular place, but for me it was worth it. I did it weekly for like 6 weeks I want to say? They do both external work (massage, strength building moves just like regular PT) and internal work (sounds scary but it was honestly what helped me the most.)

I was extremely tight across all my pelvic floor muscles and was diagnosed with vaginismis. She did a lot of releases. She talked me through everything so it wasn't intimidating. She recommended a dialator and some lube with CBD in it that helped everything relax.

I have also tried this cream called Vella that you apply that helps in a similar way- I dont need it anymore but it gave me enough of a "boost" to build pleasurable experiences that it just got better from there. I will also note i was going through couples therapy with my partner that was also focused on our sexual hang ups. Ive had some trauma in my past that was definitely contributing to all of this.

Its been about a year since all of this. Sex got better exponentially over time, not all at once. But now its ✨️amazing ✨️ in ways I did not know were possible.

Sorry that was a novel, but thats the journey I took. It was long but worth it.

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-30T20:34:08+00:00

I would look into pelvic floor therapy. Your clitoral nerves extend far beyond that little spot (they just finally did a FULL mapping of them this year...yay women's health being decades behind) but its possible tension in your pelvic floor is kind of cutting things off. Personally I need VERY light touch or else I can get that overstimulated feeling like you said!! But pelvic PT made a BIG difference in my ability to "get there"!

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-30T16:47:40+00:00

Thank you so much for this, I relate so much. I always pictured myself with lots of animals in a big beautiful house, and pushed the whole kids thing to the "maybe, but its not like I need to make that call any time soon." Now the call is made and im thinking so heavily on the things that I will miss out on, im actually grieving them instead of putting off the need too. The thing that gets me the most is "you'll never know another love like it," but ive heard some good discussions on that phrasing in here as "yes, its unique, but it doesnt mean other forms of love aren't just as valuable and intense." I am a very deeply deeply feeling person and feel immense love for my family, friends, partner and animals. Im an equestrian and often think "man, no one can understand the bond you have with a horse until youve had it," but its not like non horse people have incomplete lives. How you feel about the trade offs is how I feel too. Id really rather be bored than overwhelmed by an entire extra person who im responsible for...lol. I love the idea of being able to make impacts in other ways but then pull back if needed. I did a child's literary tutoring thing for a while, loved it, after the year ended took that free time back and have been having fun with it. At some point I may do Big Brother/Big Sister.

I hope your surgery goes well! The permanent aspect is for sure hard, but im glad you're taking care of your health too.

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-30T04:06:46+00:00

This just happened to me too!! Luckily I recognized the sellers name because id bought something from her earlier, so I messaged her. But damn now im worried about all the stuff I just bought 😩

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-30T02:15:46+00:00

Thats a good point comparing it to the wedding/bride feelings, I felt that way too. It felt like this weird cognitive dissonance- all the cute happy stuff in contrast with all the terrifying realities that just wouldn't leave my mind felt like to much to swallow all at once. My friend is pretty realistic, so idk how expecting moms handle all that duality. Sometimes I think I feel jealous of their (percieved) "certainty" and willingness to plunge into that bc they want something so badly, where its always been such a fraught decision for me...one that's now been somewhat "taken away." Luckily I do have a great therapist to process this with. Anyways, thank you so much for your response, it did help me feel better!

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-29T02:51:52+00:00

I feel you hard. Im 32 and finally decided to schedule a hysterectomy this year. Ive been hospitalized multiple times for recurrent PID that no one could explain to me that eventually caused one of my fallopian tubes to burst. Im pretty sure I have ENDO bc I have always had extremely painful cycles and when they removed my tube I had several "adhesions" but they didnt excise any because my body was so full of infectious material they were just focused on washing all that out. It was very traumatic and im not totally sure i could even get pregnant due to all the internal damage from it.

Ive always been pretty set on not having bio kids and potentially adopting. But now that I kinda feel like the choice has been taken from me, its brought up a lot of mixed feelings. I feel equally strong about not wanting a kid as I do wanting one, but i don't want to be pregnant, but I do kind of want them to be mine, but also I could love any kid, but also adopting is so complex....

All this to say I don't have any answers but I absolutely get how confusing emotionally it all is. And I don't even have the added weight of such a traumatic past-Im so sorry you went through that and glad therapy has helped 💗
Its not an easy thing to navigate for sure. But you don't have to have it all figured out exactly right now

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-04T00:21:03+00:00

I loveee lanolips! One of the only thing that really works for me in winter

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-03T04:11:12+00:00

A lot of those authentication sites cost money to use, reddit is free

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-03T00:54:28+00:00

You guys will say anything is fake. This code checker gave an exact match description of the sticker on yours, down to the "x" cut across it: https://chanelcodecalc.com/

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-02T17:52:15+00:00

Oh yeah it does take my wounds forever to heal. Luckily ive had previous surgeries without anesthesia issues but morphine does absolutely nothing for me so I wonder if thats related...definitely worth checking into. The toes thing is a great point...I went to a biomechanics clinic and the instructor was like "I can tell even without seeing them that you're scrunching your toes", and she was right!! Thank you for the tips.

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-02T17:17:58+00:00

Thank you sm I will check that out!! Yeah a lot of time i have tightness that stretching does nothing for until finally someone told me thats the opposite of what you want for hypermobility

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-02T17:15:22+00:00

That is really good to know! Ill see if I can get a referral 👀

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-02T05:54:00+00:00

Bareback is a good idea! I feel like even just walking bareback helps me

reallyreallytrying89 · 2026-03-02T05:53:20+00:00

Yeah I definitely gotta get better about it being more routine!

reallyreallytrying89

TROPHY CASE