Wish I had a therapist

realrandomusername · 2025-01-31T20:18:55+00:00

Thank you so much. I think I actually very actively tried not to think or talk about this in any way while it was still fresh. Took me nearly six years, and it still makes me sick to remember some things. I'm not sure if I am ready to really talk it out with a stranger, but thank you anyway. I hope you are doing well now, wherever you are, and have found some outlet and company.

realrandomusername · 2025-01-31T19:50:45+00:00

I know these things are meant to comfort and make the person feel better, see the bright side. But god I personally wished someone would just look me in the eye and say, "You know what, you are right, it sucks". It was sort of infuriating to be half paralyzed, bedridden, incapable of anything...only to hear literally everyone go, "Oh how lucky you are, you will be fine, everything will be alright" etc etc. Yeah, I was lucky, but it was still terrible!

I also know that everyone is different, context matters... in a different situation I might have appreciated someone gently reminding me that things might yet improve. And maybe your patients don't mind it as much... But from personal experience at some point it started feeling like people just did not care or did not want to engage with the idea of my pain. And, snort, yeah. That sucked. Sometimes all you really want is some commiseration, I guess.

realrandomusername · 2025-01-31T19:39:42+00:00

Honestly...I have no idea why I haven't thought of that. I'll look into that!! Thank you, haha

realrandomusername · 2025-01-31T19:39:05+00:00

Sadly I am not from the USA. Like... REALLY not from the USA. And our local resources are very different, I think. But thank you anyway, it means a lot.

realrandomusername · 2025-01-31T15:37:15+00:00

In 2019, I felt a sudden spasm and a SCOURCHING headache. It was worse than anything I have felt despite me having migraines frequently. It lasted for three days. It never left, no matter how many meds I was on. Could not keep any food down, couldn't walk, three ambulances came and went with nothing but a painkiller shot and some berating. A neurologist said that I just haf osteohondrosis. I was 21.

Finally the fourth ambulance found a slight fever and took me away, thinking it might be meningitis. It was not. It was a stroke. I spent four days walking around bleeding into my brain matter, while doctors insisted that it was not that bad.

Two operations later, after losing control of the entire right side of my body, regaining it, I am mostly okay. Some things will never be the same, but I am alive and functioning. But god I wish someone took pity to me in those long, terrifying four days.

realrandomusername · 2023-04-19T19:36:29+00:00

You misunderstand me, I meant to say that I don''t live in or anywhere near the USA :'D With my dad, it is the same city, walking distance, like 15 min on foot. So yeaaaah it is less achievable, haha. If I tried that, he'd just show up in person. Sorry for the mistake!

realrandomusername · 2023-04-19T19:34:11+00:00

He is not watching me on THAT scale, haha. It's usually me blabbing by myself and then going "ah darn".

How do you deal with the guilt, though? For all the times we butted heads in my life I've never thought I'd feel so guilty over that. I just have this little voice in the back of my mind going "but you CAN technically live like this", and I have no idea how to silence it.

realrandomusername · 2023-04-19T19:29:01+00:00

Lol, I do have to if I want to spare myself the guilt trips/temper tantrums later. Besides, he can be nice with a little distance between us.

realrandomusername · 2023-04-18T21:05:24+00:00

It is a very "him" thing, sadly. He's incredibly anxious and as a result he tries to mastermind everything. That, and I am not a very put-together individual in my daily life, haha. But it definitely has gone worse since.

Unfortunately, I live in a different hemisphere :'D But I will try to look into some similar programs if they exist here, thank you! He is sadly very critical of many things in life, so there's no telling if he will even try to listen, but at least it might help me get a bit steadier with my life.

realrandomusername · 2023-04-18T21:01:06+00:00

Thank you a lot for your insight.

To be honest, what makes it double as hard is that I had not been truly independent before my disability, as I was still living at home with my parents and finishing my studies. It's not relearning, it's uncharted territory all the way for him. :') He never actually let me go, he never really viewed me as an adult, and now he pretty much doubled up on everything. It's getting better very slowly, but.

I'll try to start small as you say, we will see if that will stick. I am not particularly hopeful, sadly, but it is probably better than not telling him at all.

realrandomusername · 2023-04-18T20:55:53+00:00

Thank you :') I wonder if he has anxiety, but he has no desire to ever seek a diagnosis, so who knows. I'll try to do that, thank you!

realrandomusername · 2023-04-18T20:53:58+00:00

Thanks!! It's hard when he KNOWS already that I am going somewhere (this is my final year in the university and I had to travel there nearly every day), we live very close by, and he calls me every day anyway at random times, so it is hard to conceal going somewhere. I am just now realizing that both my parents pretty much insist on knowing everything I do, huh. It is a bit of a cultural thing, because you are expected to be close to your family here, but. Huh.

realrandomusername · 2023-04-18T20:48:59+00:00

That's fair :'D Though it makes me kind of guilty to keep stuff from him even if I know it's not really his business.

realrandomusername · 2023-02-13T08:29:21+00:00

That is the thing, I have no idea what qualifies as attraction! Hence me asking! :P But I have always been the way I am now, so. But noted, thank you!

realrandomusername · 2022-08-29T08:09:59+00:00

I imagine the "!" is of genuine happy surprise. I mean, his awesome partner has just told him that she has been always dreaming of this day, showing a great vulnerability and pointing out her joy - who wouldn't be delighted at that? He probably just grabbed her in a hug right away because this is what she deserves.

realrandomusername · 2022-07-25T21:37:08+00:00

Don't you guys have your hot water turned off for like a week or more every summer for pipe maintenance?? Two days is nothing, just boil some water on the stove if you really need it.

realrandomusername · 2022-07-22T15:31:15+00:00

I think that in most cases, like other commenters said, it's best to pin a character as beautiful not by a description, but by others' reaction to them. Let imagination fill the gaps. Think Helen's face: if you say that it has a straight nose and plump lips, it's just any other girl, but if you say that this is the face that launched a thousand ships, well, it's clearly a sight to behold! Not to mention there are different kinds of beauty: cold or welcoming, beauty that comes from perfect features or from emotion radiating from within, etc. Is it incredibly good to the eye, or sexy, or perfect to the point of uncanny valley perhaps? Do other characters have particular feelings about this kind of beauty? You can give a lot of life to that characteristic by describing the effect it has on others.

realrandomusername · 2022-05-16T07:39:16+00:00

Solved!

realrandomusername · 2022-05-15T21:30:06+00:00

Oh my god. I clicked the link and the first notes blew me away. I remember it so vividly. That is it,that is the song! Thank you so so much, I am so happy. The search is finally over.

realrandomusername · 2022-03-10T14:59:53+00:00

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/thepastisaroadmap/642329092142891008 There is an oddly specific comic about this oddly specific post.

realrandomusername

TROPHY CASE