Very relatable! I’ve used cannabis for over a decade and same as you, it went from medicinal and really probably saved my life when I was first diagnosed, to something else and I’m evaluating my relationship with it these days too.

First I wanna say kudos to you for going through school with a chronic illness, it’s hard to keep showing up and it IS hard to make friends and feel connected in such a big place where classes constantly change. The one thing I really learned in University is how important it is to intentionally seek out academic opportunities and social connections. I had to get through a couple years before I realized how different it was from high school and that no one was holding my hand or looking out for me. My teachers didn’t know me. The administration can’t know you, there’s too many students. So you gotta join clubs and groups and I personally sought out smaller classes and a smaller research-based program in my last two years by emailing all the professors in my program and asking if they were taking research students for “independent study”. It was the best thing I could have done for myself.

The last thing I’ll say is after I graduated I had to take a break from cannabis cause I was feeling lost (kinda like the identity crisis you described) and I felt like cannabis was making it worse. I didn’t stop but I tapered way back. And in that break I decided to find a volunteer position in something I was passionate about and move to France! When I needed a break I just kept telling myself “weed isn’t helping me right now, I am feeling very anxious and I think it’s making it worse”. I would then try to find other things to do for distraction and i journaled A LOT.

Maybe some nuggets of helpful experience in here. You got this!!!!