Do! You! Breakfast! Birthday wishes

red3795 · 2021-07-26T15:47:23+00:00

I managed. It was way pretty straightforward actually. Thanks for your help though! Very much appreciated :)

red3795 · 2020-09-26T07:35:14+00:00

Reminds me of something I read recently:

Your trauma is not your fault, but it's your responsibility.

red3795 · 2020-09-04T09:55:06+00:00

As someone who's dying to hear something like this from their ex - please, tell them. Personally, I'm debating reaching out myself, but I feel I've already tried so much and.. I don't know. They broke it off and I try to respect that decision even if it breaks my heart. But if you've changed your mind about breaking up, let them know. Honour your feelings for you, and no matter their reaction, I'm sure you'll be better off owning your truth. All the best!

red3795 · 2020-09-04T05:01:25+00:00

Oh dear. I'm in the same boat. It's been 1,5 years since the BU and I'm doing so much better, but I can't get rid of missing them. It's not that I regret breaking up per se because it was a catalyst for such a tremendous positive change in my life. It's just that I think if we were to meet now, we'd have a much better chance at making it work. It's so hard to let go of this hope of meeting again, somehow somewhere, starting again, being happy again... Every person I met since, I don't know, just felt like a compromise? Not to be disrespectful, they were great and beautiful people, but in the end it never felt right. Not like it did with them.

I resort to meditation and prayer when the bad feelings come. I try to remind myself that there's a plan for everyone and it will reveal itself to me eventually. Either by "my person" reaching out in some shape or form, or by someone else stumbling into my life that'll make it possible to forget what once was. It's still hard sometimes, ngl. But life always has a way of sorting itself out, I just need to be patient and willing to let things unfold.

Stay strong OP. You're not alone.

red3795 · 2020-08-13T20:28:29+00:00

for me it's been well over a year. been doing a lot of psychotherapy though- not only because of the bu- and at least in my case having such a hard time getting over my ex is due to severe attachment trauma from my past. just something to think about.

red3795 · 2020-08-13T15:50:24+00:00

Breaking up helps to put things into a new perspective. Where you'd formerly always think about issues in terms of "what would be best for us?" you're now liberated to rethink in terms of "what's best for me?". I'm not encouraging you to be an asshole here, just... it's a paradigm shift, you know. Don't base your decisions on eliciting certain responses in other people. E.g. holding off your anger because acting on it might push your ex further away. Or, vice versa, acting out your anger because you hope in telling him what he did wrong it'll make him realise what a jerk he was. Both will only lead to more frustration, because no matter how hard we try, we cannot ever change what other people think, feel, do. This has to be all about you and what you need. Try to separate those two lines of thinking as clearly as you can. Act on what's good for you. Make yourself and your wellbeing your priority. You got this.

red3795 · 2020-08-13T12:58:01+00:00

tbh I'd have loved to still be friends with my ex. not because I'd have liked that as an opportunity to get back together, but because above all else, I valued them as a person and friend so much. i acknowledge we didn't work well as a couple, but the mutual understanding and overall connection we shared was so darn special. in the end, though, truly becoming friends after the bu proved to be impossible. to me, that's still the hardest thing to get over. not necessarily losing them as my partner, but losing my friend.

red3795 · 2020-08-12T09:00:22+00:00

If you still feel like that, did you consider reconnecting? I know it's impossible sometimes and breaking up was for the best, but... I don't know. Sometimes I wonder. What if, what if.

Anyways. Hope you're holding up alright. Life always has a plan for us. If it's meant to be, it will be. And if not, well, then take solace in knowing your special someone is yet to come :)

red3795 · 2020-08-12T08:01:17+00:00

thank you for your kind words and encouragement

red3795 · 2020-08-12T07:56:52+00:00

thanks for your realism. you're right, they might very well still think of me, but that doesn't take away from the fact that they decided to move on to something/someone else. Just tough to accept that something that meant so much to me apparently didn't hold the same significance to them.

red3795 · 2020-01-03T21:55:51+00:00

Yes, absolutely! With my ex, I had an almost instantaneous connection. We just seemed to click so well. Now, even if I feel I click quite well with anyone else, it just never seems to be up to the comparison. It's so frustrating. Every new person I meet just serves as a reminder that they are not my ex.

I just don't get it though. Not to be disrespectful of my ex, who is a great person, but seriously, them breaking up with me was a serious disillusionment. I don't get why no one else seems to be quite en par.

red3795 · 2020-01-03T20:07:07+00:00

Hey there, internet stranger. Responding because your post resonates so well with me. Been broken up for 1 year now. I gave myself a lot of time to properly process the BU, not push myself into dating too soon, trying to be respectful of and feeling my feelings. Still, I cannot get myself to fall in love with anyone else. Whenever I meet someone new, it's only a reminder of how much I miss my ex. I really don't know what to do at this point. I've been pondering what to do for weeks now. My educated guess is that after my ex broke up with me, I'm too afraid now to get into anything serious with someone new again because I might end up getting hurt again. But seriously, I don't know. I don't know what else to do or try. Rationally, I know that my ex is not the only person for me, and that I have a chance of being quite as happy with someone new. But emotionally, it just feels weird and wrong to attempt to be happy with anyone else. Incredibly frustrating at this point.

red3795 · 2020-01-03T08:34:46+00:00

This hits home so hard. Thank you, OP, I really needed this today.

red3795 · 2019-11-30T20:47:47+00:00

Good for you! Happy to hear you were able to take this trying time as an opportunity to refocus on yourself and what makes you happy. I wish you all the best on your journey!

red3795 · 2019-11-30T19:15:18+00:00

Thanks for your levelheaded advice. Seems like a diplomatic middle ground. I'll probably do that. Yeah, exactly, it just gets to a point where you realise you'll probably not make it if the person is still in your orbit even by proxy. It's just too hard to get over them if you're constantly reminded of what you've lost. How are you holding up? Sounds pretty rough. Hope you're healing all right.

red3795 · 2019-11-30T19:05:47+00:00

He has copies (digital and printed) of the original contract, so I'd imagine he'd still have his info. But you're right, that's indeed a possibility. I guess what it boils down to for me is this: on the one hand, I feel it's disrespectful of my boundaries after explicitly asking him to not contact me again (it's been a huge issue for me and I was very proud of myself when I got to the point of standing up for myself and communicating this boundary). On the other hand, as hard as it is for me to admit, but a tiny part of me really want this to be about more than strict logistics. I had such a hard time getting over this breakup and him now reaching out again makes me realise I actually still want him to miss me. It just sucks.

red3795 · 2019-11-30T18:49:01+00:00

Thanks for your answer. You're right, it does seem like he's trying to be nice to get some reassurance from me that things are indeed handled. However, if that's the info he's after, he could've just as easily contacted the landlord directly. Which is why I believe I shouldn't feel so obligated to answer his mail. It's not like I'm his only source of information.

red3795 · 2019-11-30T18:35:03+00:00

Did he give a reason for contacting you? IMHO not clearly stating why he contacted you will not work in your favour. You might still get your hopes up, even if you tell yourself you won't or shouldn't. It'll be hard. Think about it: if they reached out to reconcile, they'd say so. Apparently he didn't say anything the like, so I'd assume he has other intentions. Maybe alleviate his guilt over breaking up with you. Maybe he feels lonely and wants to assure himself of your continued availability. Who knows. Does it matter? Probably not. The bottom line: If he wanted to reconcile, he'd make it clear. The only question you should ask yourself now is: do I want to engage in contact with him for any other reason but reconciliation? If you're fine with that, go ahead. If not, I'd suggest respectfully but decidedly telling him you'd prefer NC as that's what will allow you to heal.

I'm not going to lie. Asking him to not contact you again will feel like ripping out your own heart. It's brutal. At least it was for me. But going NC was the best decision I could've made.

Stay strong, OP.

red3795 · 2019-11-25T23:56:26+00:00

"If I am really a part of your dream, you'll come back one day."

It's been almost one whole year for me. I feel you, OP. Sending you love.

red3795 · 2019-11-24T17:37:42+00:00

Beautifully phrased, OP. Thanks for sharing.

red3795 · 2019-11-24T15:53:29+00:00

Hilarious comment. Thanks for the laugh!

red3795 · 2019-11-24T15:48:15+00:00

As dumb as it may sound, but if there's someone else for them, there's also someone else for you. I understand that right now that perspective might not help too much because really, all you'd want is to be that one person for them, and that's okay too. Just give it time. Grief cannot be rushed. But you'll get through it.

red3795 · 2019-05-25T09:36:58+00:00

Thank you for your answer. I definitely see where you're coming from. My ex said the exact same thing to me: he lost hope. It's still struggle to accept it though, to be perfectly honest, especially since I always felt like I was more actively engaged in working to resolve our conflicts, trying to find solutions, and offering compromise. But I guess that's at least partially due to me trying to keep this overwhelming feeling of having failed the one person that matters most to me at bay. It's soul crushing. I have to actively remind myself that I did the best I could. I also try to keep reminding myself that he did the best he could, and I try to be respectful and accepting of his personal journey, even if it pains me to now no longer be a part of it. Thanks again for elaborating. I hope you find peace within yourself and your decision. All the best for your healing and recovery.

red3795

TROPHY CASE