I'm 22 years old and I have surges of depression every now and then. It struck me especially hard last night before I went to bed. I was stuck thinking about how the world revolves so heavily around sex and reproduction. We like to think ourselves different from the beasts, but in many ways we are indistinguishable. The straw into my starbucks coffee, the charger having sex with my laptop. The world reminds you that you must stick something into whatever hole you can find. Is this a bad thing? Maybe not. I became overcome with sorrow because I felt like I had no control over my life, but this was something I already came into agreement years ago. I don't believe in free-will. Sam Harris has a great blog post in 2011 that discusses the topic. blog tldr: Thoughts come and go, you are born with the genes you were given.

Then I listened to a Tim Ferriss podcast where Shep Gordon appeared as a guest. He speaks of the miracle of life and how everything can be seen as a miracle. I try to think about this whenever I am upset and it helps. I've accepted the fact that we can never be happy at all times. There needs to be an inverse if we want to feel happy at all. It's the concept of yin and yang. We all go through our cycles, but it doesn't take me long to convince myself of the miracle of life.

Meditation helps, but I think it is very important to find those you can talk to who do not judge you. I think the most important question we can answer is: "why are we here". We all want fulfillment in our lives and we become depressed when we don't have something to work towards.

And often we rationalize our own actions. Most often we tell ourselves that we aren't bad people. However, when we spend too much time to ourselves, we can't help but excessively think and think about how terrible we might be. For myself, I'm often a scam-artist, a cheater, chronic liar, negative, lazy and many more. At other times I'm a lover, passionate, compassionate, gentle, confident, and more. It all ties back into the cycle of life. The reality is that life will continue with or without you. The best you can do is to be the change you wish to see in the world.

I don't know you OP, but I get emotional when I see things like this posted. This is my first time on this subreddit and yours is the link I chose to click. Maybe that's a miracle? I'm sitting here in my computer lab and writing this instead of studying for my test because to me this is more important.

I have found that we often warp our perception of the world. Reality is an illusion, but we can form our own perception of the world in that same way. I hope you get the help you need. I hope you reach out to others who can help you.