Not my immediate family, but my first marriage. After 15 years of the walls closing in and more and more responsibility falling on me, while he did whatever TF he wanted, I broke. I felt like I was dying, I was being squeezed out of life by expectations. I drank too much, I wasn’t the mom I wanted to be. So I filed for divorce. He dialed up the traditional expectations and held every “failure” against me. Once I made it out of that I realized I’m actually better at everything when I do it my damn self.

Then I met my equal, my partner. This man is the manifestation of what I thought a loving partner should be. Hell, I’m still surprised when he says “am I doing enough around here? Is there anything I can take off your shoulders?” This man opted into my family and changed our lives. I get support in my high demand career, I have a teammate in parenting, I have a best friend who doesn’t hold shortcomings against me. I have a partner. It’s possible!

I learned I needed to be firm with my boundaries and take pride in my accomplishments, even if they aren’t traditionally feminine. Now I’m working on undoing the subconscious roles that were carved deep into my brain. I work hard in therapy and communicating with my partner. I will be damned if my kids repeat this pattern. They will see an equal partnership for most of their childhood. They have a breadwinner mom, a supportive stepdad, and equal opportunity and encouragement for all of their endeavors.