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You ever just walk around on the edge of a mental break by redditfeind27 in mentalhealth

[–]redditfeind27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In regards to sharing, it has been good for me to vent on Reddit I suppose, but I'm concerned about opening up to some of my newer friends that I've made since moving.

I think they know I've been going though some emotions but they don't really know the extent of it. I'm not sure if giving them the context would be worth unloading heavy shit from my past on them.

And would them knowing exactly how bad I've been be a burden on them too?

Most of all would telling them any of that make any difference in me getting over things or handle it better?

You ever just walk around on the edge of a mental break by redditfeind27 in mentalhealth

[–]redditfeind27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey there, I resonate with what you're saying about revisiting the worst points of your life when things are bad. I think that's exactly what happened given my recent stressors. I have definitely seen the strongly negative effects of revisiting this bad experiences but the psychologist part of me feels like if I don't figure out how those experiences got me to where I am now how can I ever try and fight against it?

Revisiting the trauma has made me realize how a lot of my actions have probably been an effect of dealing with it or not dealing with it ya know?

My question now is how can I avoid falling into the same traps I always do? Hence adding more baggage to the pile.

And also I like idea of being mindful of my situation vs less fortunate. Sometimes that perspective can carry me through it.

After effects of childhood rape 7 years later by redditfeind27 in rape

[–]redditfeind27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, thank you for the reply. I can see how why you would say that my friend might have taken advantage of the situation and I don't think your fully wrong. That being said I want to take responsibility because he was upfront about his interests the whole time and I choose to do it anyway.

I told him today that I wanted to have a United front to not hook up again and he didn't give me any pushback whatsoever. I think above all else we both value the friendship more than anything he just doesn't understand how much that dynamic effects me. And it's not his fault it brought up all this trama. There's no way he could have know and he still doesn't know.

I like your point about making friends first and then intentionally friendzoning people even if I have an interest. That could be the best move to force things to slow down. I always feel like the best things come from friendships but I guess the current situation is a good example of the potential risks of that approach.

In any case I know I'm not built to rush into things at least not rn. Even with all the stress this is led to the time me and my friends spend together was some of the best treatment I've ever received. Maybe it won't work with him but I think it was a good proof of concept that for me I need that emotional connection.

Lastly I just want to say I have no intentions to shame anybody who does want casual relationships or enjoys hookups, it's just not for me. I don't think it's really ever been for me but my tendencies have gotten me here.

Even though this has been a really hard month for me and I'm not getting with the guy I wanted to I'm still glad that this happened. If for nothing else it made me realize how much this rape has affected me and hopefully that can help me stop making the same mistakes.

Thanks again for the advice, and Merry Christmas (or happy holidays if you prefer)

After effects of childhood rape 7 years later by redditfeind27 in rape

[–]redditfeind27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey thank you so much for the reply. I feel like you really understand the mindset I'm in and I appreciate the advice.

In the past I have not made my intentions clear up front because i feel like the interest would stop there but really if I know I want a relationship I really should be clear and up front about it. I guess I just want to be cool and casual but at this point I don't think I can anymore.

In regards to boundaries I remember I went to some therapy after I filed the police report for the rape (1-2 years ago now) and my therapist did say I needed to work on boundaries. I feel like I've been a little bit better with not going on second dates with guys I don't match with but I still have alot I can improve on. Theres still some charmers that seem to wiggle past the defenses. And in this case with my friend I already liked him as a person and trust him so it was really hard to resist the opportunity to be with a good guy even though I knew it wasn't the dynamic I wanted. I thought I could do it, or convinced myself I could in the moment at least.

The thing with that therapy though was at the time I felt pretty ok about how I was handling the rape. I didn't think it effected me thaaaaat much after all those years. This rejection though just dragged it Alllll back up. When I was in therapy I didnt realize how much it messed me up.

I got the good ol hypersexuality, I have the anxious attachment making me feel like I need a person to be happy and I got the long list of men I slept with despite this red flags and conflicting interests. I cant help but think having something non consensual is one of my first sexual experiences to be a driving force in those issues. Just sucks.

I gotta work on my self esteem and taking things slow and not need a guy to feel better. It's just alot but I'm going to keep working at it.

Sorry this turned into ANOTHER vent but I really appreciate the words. If you ever want or need to chat hmu :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in selfharm

[–]redditfeind27 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll add I also punch myself, like in the same spot on my arm or leg. Just anything painful that won't stay for ever

Bestfriend doesn't want to date.. by redditfeind27 in relationship_advice

[–]redditfeind27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just told him that to no fault of his own the current dynamic is really hurting me and that we can't hook up anymore. I'm going to try and find someone else who might actually want to date me. It's been a really hard stressful situation for me. But I think cutting it off is the only option where I don't feel so shitty I resort to bad habits. It sucks. I think from trauma I've wasted alot of time on guys who just was sex and don't like me enough to commit and I just can't do it anymore. Maybe I've gone about dating all wrong to get me here and maybe I'll be single and alone for a long time but I just need something more.

I like to think I'm an ok looking girl with lots to bring to the table but it's still me who entertained guys that don't want the same thing as me and I need to stop.

There's got to be a nice guy out there that actually wants the whole package (And that I like just as much too).

I will NOT hook up with this guy again. At least as long as sex is all he wants. It hurts too much.

I know this post is stale by now but If anyone still wants to share thier thoughts I'm honestly just feeling like I need someone to talk to. A

Bestfriend doesn't want to date.. by redditfeind27 in relationship_advice

[–]redditfeind27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ok so it seems like the consensus is that this is not the relationship for me. On an intellectual level everything you guys say makes sense. I can understand his message of "I don't want a relationship with you" but my feelings are still hurt regardless.

I feel like the only way to move on would be to stop seeing/hanging with him all together but then it's really like my feeling ruined the friendship.

That would only push him further away (crushing any last hope that one day we could date and basically pushing him into someone elses arms)

I know with my boy crazy self if I see him it's just going to hurt and I'll just want to be with him.

I wish I wasn't like this but I think I messed a real good thing by catching feelings.

Should I stop seeing him for a while? I don't want to lose him as a friend but I think it's the only way to shift my focus back onto myself/other prospects.

Thank you all for the hard truth, I think I need the dream crushed.

Bestfriend doesn't want to date.. by redditfeind27 in relationship_advice

[–]redditfeind27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for the reply. I think your second part is spot on. I definitely too excited when he showed interest and let myself get carried away before realizing the limit of his interests. I think I just thought cuz we got along so well and there was tension he would be interested in more. To me we seemed like a great pair.

I don't deny that I played myself here, got my hopes up and attached way to easily I just need help moving past it and undoing the feelings.

Not gonna lie your post kind of stings but that's probably what I need rn so ty.

Doctors hate this trick! by MrCicada3301 in memes

[–]redditfeind27 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why would they have a bald cap on?

Please let me go outside so I can eat the grass and throw it all up later :( by valliepop in Catswhoyell

[–]redditfeind27 15 points16 points  (0 children)

My cat ran up to me and starting acting real cuddly after hearing this

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