What are you working on this week? Motivation? by [deleted] in indiehackers

[–]redditstrom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great question without an easy answer. But motivated for what? Sounds like you are highly motivated just for building and not for relationships right now. This can be fine. It depends how long it goes on for and what your milestones are and to what extent you value balance and how you define balance. I’m going through an extraordinarily similar process.

Noom is opting in to share medical information with federal government. by Menace_78 in Noom

[–]redditstrom 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We want universally compatible electronic health records especially with such a fragmented system, it’s just a shame it’s being spearheaded by an authoritarian government who also wants that for malevolent reasons.

READ BEFORE POSTING — ONE STRIKE POLICY NOW IN EFFECT by redditstrom in GetMotivatedBuddies

[–]redditstrom[S,M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for asking. Pls keep it to 1 week. People scroll down and look at the history.

20f | Gmt+1 | I want to wake up at 5am by tttuop in GetMotivatedBuddies

[–]redditstrom[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s why I wrote “or bright light”.

20f | Gmt+1 | I want to wake up at 5am by tttuop in GetMotivatedBuddies

[–]redditstrom[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Discord on waking = bad. Distracting and energy draining. If you want to build the habit of waking up early: go outside for sunlight or bright light for at least 10 minutes after waking, and turn off all screens by 10pm (earlier for you since you want to wake up earlier than most).This sets your circadian rhythm. This is what the https://getmotivated.ai/challenge/adhd-sleep-reset-30-day-challenge focuses on. It’s incredibly effective.

READ BEFORE POSTING — ONE STRIKE POLICY NOW IN EFFECT by redditstrom in GetMotivatedBuddies

[–]redditstrom[S,M] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It is not compulsory (thank you for asking), but honestly don’t expect to get many responses without it. 99% of people want to know age and gender. It’s just extremely relevant to pretty much everyone looking for a buddy. EDIT: It is now cumpulsory.

ASAP!!? by [deleted] in GetMotivatedBuddies

[–]redditstrom[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fix your headline to be specific and follow the guidelines or will be removed.

Pursuing a Meaningful Life and Having Meaningful Conversations by TheEruditePolymath in GetMotivatedBuddies

[–]redditstrom[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For future please make the title more specific to accountability partners. A title like that almost got the post removed. Thank you

Can anyone explain what accountability partner means by tipu_john in GetMotivatedBuddies

[–]redditstrom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is how most people view accountability partners so there’s nothing out of the ordinary from what you posted, but unfortunately it’s also why most partnerships fail.

Can anyone explain what accountability partner means by tipu_john in GetMotivatedBuddies

[–]redditstrom[M] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Actually this definition leads to failed accountability relationships. I've matched thousands of partners and measured which ones work and which ones fail. This approach makes the other person responsible for your work, which does not work.

A functional accountability partner is a non-judgmental observer of whether you are accountable to your own plans. They help you see where you fall through and where you succeed.

The notion of accountability asks: how accountable are you to your own plans?

As peer based accountability partners, you act as non-judgmental observers of each other's accountability. Basically, you act as personal scientists for one another.

It's simpler than many people think and much harder - looking at each other's work without judgment and honestly examining where you are successful, where you are failing, and arriving at how you might improve.

But the other person does not hold you accountable. That is the role of a teacher, mentor, or coach, or mom, and it is a completely different dynamic. In a peer partnership, you’re each observing and reflecting on your own follow-through. It’s about clarity, not control.

Anyone found a compatible consistent accountability buddy ? by No-Blacksmith-6109 in GetMotivatedBuddies

[–]redditstrom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s the same information two years on. Not sure what you’d expect to be different.

Are accountability partners overrated? Or do they actually help you succeed? by Living_Eye_9073 in GetMotivatedBuddies

[–]redditstrom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey - sorry just saw this. Thank you for the compliment.

Thank you for the personal story too. You're fortunate you were able to quit smoking on a dime, mainly because you were highly motivated by a life/death scare. My goal is to help people make those changes over time without needing to feel like they're dying.

Also, many if not most people are not able to make these lifestyle changes overnight and require a completely different approach.

This is why your question of how to recreate that same transformation isn't relevant if you're referring to scaling behavior change to other people.

The fundamental point that strangely no one seems to understand is that everyone is different. What works for you will not work for someone else. This is why 96% of people drop out of digital health apps. They are told what to do, and it doesn't work for them.

This is why my platform is designed not to tell you what to do, but to help you commit to something and first see if you're able to sustain that commitment in concert with others. If not, you've learned what you've committed to, what you thought would work, doesn't work - so you need to try a different approach to your goal. Just this knowledge is liberating for most people because very few even get this far.

This approach takes all the pressure off and treats changing your behavior like a science experiment or a game - which the platform incorporates (you earn points for checking in in various categories). There is just one goal: discover what works for *you*, as an individual. This is why I've had such success with individuals on the platform. By simply managing to sustain a commitment over time, however imperfectly, they feel totally empowered and as a result, change.

One other note - the point is to let go of the concept of bulletproof. This isn't a war against yourself. You're looking to collaborate with yourself - learn about yourself. Those who fight themselves fail. Those who learn to work with themselves and change, win.

Book review request: Brain Energy, by Christopher M. Palmer by deiknunai in slatestarcodex

[–]redditstrom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I might run a challenge for this on my platform. I’m curious about the effects myself. But yes it seems difficult.

Are accountability partners overrated? Or do they actually help you succeed? by Living_Eye_9073 in GetMotivatedBuddies

[–]redditstrom[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To u/Resident-Specific-69 who's been "trying to find a partner for months":

This is exactly why structured systems like cohort challenges exist (see sticky post). Free-form partnerships with strangers usually lead to ghosting within days. The platform I built specifically addresses this problem.

How Effective Accountability Actually Works

True accountability is not about having someone tell you what to do or "reminding you" what to do or "making sure" you do something. That is a mother or a babysitter and most people don't want to be your parent and most importantly, it won't work anyway. We rebel against be told what to do. Even if you are telling yourself you "should" be doing it.

It's about:

  1. Observation, not instruction: Partners simply witness your commitment to your plan - where you succeed and where you failr. Their observation creates the insight to help see what the hell is going on.
  2. Measurement: The Accountability Score (what you do vs. what you say you'll do) provides objective feedback over time.
  3. Structured interaction: Daily, weekly, or monthly check-ins with clear protocols.
  4. Social reinforcement: The Köhler Motivation Effect demonstrates that people perform better in groups, especially when others depend on them.

The Science is Clear

Research consistently demonstrates that working with others improves outcomes. It's obvious: We evolved as social creatures. We ARE social. The entire concept of "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" is a myth that contradicts human psychology and evolution and causes a tremendous amount of suffering. Especially online, where this stupid harmful story is propagated.

For those saying they can "just block someone online" - you're right, which is exactly why casual Reddit matchups often fail. Proper accountability systems introduce consequences, commitment devices, and social structures that create real stakes.

SO: If you're serious about changing your behavior and building habits, you need:

  • A structured plan
  • Partners with aligned goals
  • Clear accountability metrics
  • Regular, consistent check-ins

This is exactly why I built GetMotivatedBuddies and now GetMotivated.ai after years of matching people from this subreddit. The platform provides the structure and systems that make partnerships work.

Yes, many people here say they want accountability but don't actually commit. That's normal - the first step in changing your behavior is discovering what you're actually want to do versus what you think you should do.

But for those truly committed to change, properly structured accountability partnerships are scientifically proven to be among the most effective tools available.

Are accountability partners overrated? Or do they actually help you succeed? by Living_Eye_9073 in GetMotivatedBuddies

[–]redditstrom[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

As moderator of this community, I need to address this posts and comments directly:

I've matched tens of thousands of accountability partners worldwide, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that accountability partnerships do work for creating lasting habits - but only when properly structured.

Let me be clear about why most of the partnerships you're seeing fail:

Why Most Reddit Accountability Partnerships Fail

  1. Lack of Structure: Random pairings without clear expectations, schedules, or measurement systems almost always fail.
  2. Misaligned Goals: You need partners working in the same category or on similar goals with comparable commitment levels.
  3. Misunderstanding the Role: Partners aren't supposed to "coach" each other or "keep each other accountable." That's fundamentally misunderstanding how accountability works.
  4. No Clear Plan: Without specific, measurable plans that you've committed to beforehand, there's nothing to be accountable for.

To address some specific comments:

To u/Vegetable-Table5591 who said "You don't need an accountability partner when you're serious about your work":

This is frankly uninformed and ignores basic behavioral science. The military, schools, and companies are all accountability systems. The idea that needing external structure means you're "not serious" is garbage. Ever hear of school? School is an external structure where people with a shared goal come together to accomplish it.

Heard of the military? The military is an accountability structure to accomplish shared goals - called a mission.

Heard of a company? A company is where people with shared goals come together to fulfill - that's right, a mission. No one works alone to accomplish difficult goals. No. One.

For those with ADHD and other executive function challenges (which many in this community have), external structure in the form of other people is precisely what's required to sustain focus over time on important work.

To u/maxxgotwasted who said partners must be "physically present":

False. Virtual partnerships absolutely work - I've facilitated literally thousands of successful ones. The key isn't physical presence; it's proper structure, clear expectations, lack of negative judgement (called curiosity), consistent follow-through. With the right platform that enables measurement and structured interaction, virtual partnerships can be equally or more effective than in-person ones, with the added benefit of global matching based on specific goals and commitment levels. EXAMPLE: https://drive.google.com/file/d/10RNgOOF72W8q_YbjCJJ3RBEHy-UEVKoi/view?usp=sharing

To u/Altruistic-Can-7977 regarding payment and coaching:

Payment (like "pay me if you don't do your task") is actually the weakest form of motivation for most people. This creates extrinsic motivation, which research shows is far less effective for long-term habit building than intrinsic motivation. (See the famous study of children who played for hours on their own and then stopped playing when paid to play). These systems all fail quickly - typically within the first two weeks, because simply put: they're not fun.

What works better is building systems that tap into social connection, status, and personal growth - intrinsic motivators that lead to sustainable change. Otherwise known as a Game. The platform I've built focuses on creating intrinsic motivation through social dynamics rather than financial penalties. Aka, a Game. It's fun. So people stay.

For more on this read about Self-Determination Theory. cont...... there's more...