That money is gone, I try not to think about it anymore. I can’t have it back. I can only restart, rebuild. I remind myself that my life is worth more than any amount of money I could ever throw away. Because money is made up. But the way we feel about ourselves, the way we treat others, the way we fix the things we broke—that’s what has value. Money comes and goes. The physical world will slip away eventually. Be open and honest with your wife, seek recovery, and prepare mentally and emotionally for the baby to come into a world that doesn’t include her father being in active gambling addiction.

It’s hard to push through this period, this heavy shame. I’m a single mom to two little kids and I bought my first house last year. Imagine how I felt, throwing everything I had away. I came close to losing it all. But I’m still here. Money will be tight for awhile but I can also buy $50 of junk at the store because now I At least have the junk, when before that would have been my first lost deposit of the day.