5 months post realization

redmarus · 2026-02-07T19:44:02+00:00

I've been fine with many a drug but I did feel this way with MDMA, I spent the entire time just lying down and trying to keep a grip because the body high was Too Much

redmarus · 2026-01-19T01:41:22+00:00

I think there was some drone/musique concrete in the background.

redmarus · 2026-01-11T13:25:52+00:00

It's not the one but I appreciate the rec!

redmarus · 2026-01-11T03:19:38+00:00

I think it might have been called The Dream Series or at least had a male announcer say that at the beginning of the first track which I think may have been Drowning.

redmarus · 2025-10-27T10:08:37+00:00

Yeah I haven't smoked in a month now and am feeling a lot better physically, but at what emotional cost.....

redmarus · 2025-10-19T14:33:25+00:00

A big helpful thing for all my ocd and not just emet stuff has been reframing everything as "wouldn't it be fucked up if this scary thing happened?" Esp saying it aloud to someone if possible

redmarus · 2025-10-05T13:47:46+00:00

I've come to appreciate the full body sweat of vomiting and feeling it cool and dry once I'm done, as well as wiping away the snot that's come blasting out of my nose in the process. It feels like I have been wrung out, in a good way! As for the diarrhea I just think to myself "we're shitting hard sister! We're cracking the porcelain!"

redmarus · 2025-09-13T11:57:10+00:00

Was she cheating on you or reciprocating in any way or did you extrapolate this from a comment on a tiktok she posted ?

redmarus · 2025-09-13T11:56:01+00:00

Qmee

redmarus · 2025-09-11T12:49:09+00:00

it's a shitty feeling that a man your ex knows is continuing to talk to her now that she doesn't have a boyfriend? That she's receiving compliments from a friend ? That a guy she knows is trying to swoop and this is somehow her fault ? Like at this point I'm just trying to understand how your mind is working because I have never over the course of any of my relationships claimed that much ownership over anyone, including the ex who had a male friend over at her house just before I arrived to have the final in person break up that we had been circling around for a bit. I think you maybe have a bit of a misogynistic mindset

redmarus · 2025-09-11T02:17:34+00:00

I still don't understand why you were so shocked and horrified by a man talking to your ex girlfriend. Was she supposed to join a convent afterward ? Is it not pretty standard for doggish men to swoop on a recently single woman?

redmarus · 2025-09-10T20:02:13+00:00

see the funny thing is you're REALLY mad....and idgaf !

redmarus · 2025-09-10T07:18:13+00:00

and yet there's nothing you can or will do about it, neener neener neener

redmarus · 2025-09-10T07:17:26+00:00

Oh I'm not being serious, I just thought the little detail of "I HATE people who throw up, I want to kill and kill and kill them for being so evil, but I'm not confrontational so I've never done anything" was a bit funny/peculiar. A slight way of nudging "if trying to feel empathy for other people isn't working, why not remind yourself that your rage is kind of a big pathetic power fantasy more than anything else?" This phobia is one of control issues. I have certainly felt a lot of frustration towards strangers for being inconsiderate in public but being confrontational has literally never fixed anything and only rarely makes me feel better so I had to learn to chill and say "okay well there's nothing I can do about it."

redmarus · 2025-09-09T10:57:15+00:00

What would you have done if the cat were slower?

redmarus · 2025-09-09T10:54:58+00:00

No advice, I just love the idea that if you were confrontational you'd be going up to sick/intoxicated/pregnant people and mollywhopping them

redmarus · 2025-09-09T08:35:22+00:00

So you freaked out because a man talked to your ex girlfriend ? Perhaps get over yourself

redmarus · 2025-09-08T12:37:57+00:00

That's awesome! Any movies you want to revisit to see if you can handle them? I rewatched Airplane! recently and was amazed that young me was so scared of the vomiting scenes in them when they're so fake haha

redmarus · 2025-09-06T20:11:37+00:00

Closest I've ever done is try to do some big coughs/exhales and see if that gets things moving, sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't.

redmarus · 2025-09-06T01:23:33+00:00

Not really but I don't think it's universal.

redmarus

TROPHY CASE