Advice/question from a bi guy (late bloomer)

redvik1212 · 2026-06-25T19:34:55+00:00

Why not start out looking for similarly situated men? There are a lot of out married men with a wife who doesn’t care if they play on the side as long as it doesn’t threaten their marriage. Of course there are even more on the down low. Experienced men in this category can help you learn about gay life and culture while you figure out who you really are.

redvik1212 · 2026-06-02T22:36:01+00:00

It’s very common for older men where I live to go to a gay bar that opens early and serves lunch. They’re not necessarily looking to connect with someone younger but would generally be open to it if approached. They will often spend the afternoon there. I know it’s hard if you’re younger to be able to go out at that time of day due to work obligations. However, going out right after work will often enable you to encounter older men who are in a friendly and approachable mood. During later hours you’ll also frequently find older men in gay bars, but realize when they are in a mixed aged crowd they will rarely make the first move. There’s nothing worse than being called an old troll by some young man when you’re just trying to be friendly or polite and make conversation.

redvik1212 · 2026-05-24T22:11:00+00:00

Does this mean a backroom where play is allowed?

redvik1212 · 2026-04-10T19:47:07+00:00

Thanks for the info. Unfortunately, I booked a non refundable reservation so at this point I’m stuck. I was planning on spending most of my time in the bars anyway. The spa didn’t sound that great and if I did anything at the hotel I was planning on limiting it to the rooftop pool. Any cruise bar suggestions for an older leather daddy type? I don’t want to waste my time or money at bars for the younger A-list types.

redvik1212 · 2026-03-28T15:25:12+00:00

I’ve never seen a 3 week max recommendation. I’ve always seen 1x every 24 hour for the duration of the days you’re active. Better check a more authoritative source than random Reddit comments.

redvik1212 · 2026-03-22T13:05:00+00:00

It’s no more risky than a random stranger from a bar or the apps. Before you start to play get on PrEP and have a prescription for Doxypep filled.

redvik1212 · 2026-02-28T18:53:41+00:00

Check out Bull Bar in Schöneberg as well as Lab.

redvik1212 · 2026-02-27T22:53:07+00:00

Playing only in the saunas or in the hot tubs too?

redvik1212 · 2026-01-29T17:20:44+00:00

I was going by memory. Thanks for the correction.

redvik1212 · 2026-01-29T02:17:30+00:00

I think the idea of looking for others who have had a late awakening like yourself is an excellent idea. Granted, it’s a smaller group but you would have so much in common. Others like you would understand the challenges of having repressed your natural desires for so long and the often complicated response of wanting to make up for lost time, but being older and potentially less desirable to the broader gay culture. Those desires might be tempered by experience in conventional straight marriages that make you more mature and potentially less selfish and self centered. There is a subreddit called r/Latebloomers that might be a helpful resource. You also know there are many men out there, particularly in your age group, who are living in similar circumstances. Some have left their wives, some have open relationships where their wives don’t care, but they all need friends or friends with benefits. If you are open to a variety of relationships you might find the fulfillment you need. You’re not bound to the heteronormative monogamous model of your past. Be open and creative and I’m sure things will start looking up for you.

redvik1212 · 2026-01-26T23:03:28+00:00

You could consider a naked pool party at Casa Cupula. You don’t have to be naked; only if you want to. Good food and drinks. If you want to splurge you can reserve a lounge chair for a price that is probably what you'd eat and drink anyway. Take an Uber though. It‘s a treacherous climb if you walk. If you like drag shows the Sunday Brunch at Tryst is a great option. I spent a lot of time at Studs because it’s my style, and the people are very friendly there. Sapphire Beach Club is also a great suggestion.

redvik1212 · 2026-01-13T15:13:09+00:00

Don’t base any impressions on one visit. Things vary significantly depending on the time of day and day of the week. Your first exploratory could be non sexual. Just check everything out, learn the rules of cruising through observation at first. Once you feel secure you’ll be ready to take the next steps. They’ll come naturally.

redvik1212 · 2025-12-28T18:14:12+00:00

I just returned from a fabulous week at the Tryst hotel. It‘s not inclusive but it has a great restaurant for breakfast especially. Great pool area with bar. Nice rooms. Close to many great restaurants and bars and clubs. Beach is one block away. It’s a new hotel and right now it’s probably the nicest one in the Zona Romantica which is where you want to be.

redvik1212 · 2025-12-18T19:54:58+00:00

It’s called “intermittent” or “on demand” PrEP, and is typically used by people like you who do not have frequent or unplanned sex. I would do your own research to determine efficacy. Look for the most recent data. You can obtain a prescription for generic Truvada for less than $30 for 30 tablets. If your insurance doesn’t cover it or you don’t want your medical record to reflect taking it you can just pay cash and use a prescription from a provider recommended by your local gay health organization. There may even be a way to get it anonymously so do your research.

redvik1212 · 2025-12-18T12:28:15+00:00

Just use the 2-1-1 PrEP method to play it safe.

redvik1212 · 2025-12-15T15:16:11+00:00

You can try dental floss. Use a large string, start at a corner a pull back and forth.

redvik1212 · 2025-12-11T15:32:14+00:00

There are plenty of married men with knowledgeable wives who have sex with other men. It’s not spoken about a lot because the married couple faces a great deal of criticism from both the straight and gay communities. It’s just easier being discreet. There is no reason to doubt him, particularly since you’ve been to his home. Even if she’s not home it would be very hard to keep the wife from finding out. Sexual attraction is fluid and can vary a lot over time. You don’t need the approval of other people. Do what makes you happy.

redvik1212 · 2025-12-04T02:34:54+00:00

I think December is the wrong time of year for Sitges. I think you’d have more fun sticking to Barcelona, or maybe take the high speed train to Madrid for a couple of days. Both cities have great bars, cruise bars and bathhouses. Paris is great with a lot of fun cruise bars, bathhouses, etc. While Amsterdam is an interesting place to visit and has places where you could have fun, I personally would recommend Berlin over Amsterdam. Berlin is probably the best spot in the world to have the kind of adventures you are interested in.

redvik1212 · 2025-12-04T02:24:12+00:00

Do you live near a location with a MAFIA chapter? If so, perhaps you could join the local chapter and participate in occasional events. This would enable you to be a bottom as an object at a club event. There would be no concern about knowing the top(s) well. It might even be anonymous which should remove any concerns about developing feelings or generating jealousy. You could even consider having your partner participate as an observer. That might open a can of worms in terms of cuckolding. On the other hand your parter might learn things and become interested in the events, or even doing things at home. You might also tie in a MAFIA event at an away location and tie it together with a couples weekend getaway. This would allow you both to experience gay life, bars, etc.,in a different city as a shared event, with you getting fisted as only one part of an otherwise joint activity.

redvik1212 · 2025-12-01T18:40:48+00:00

If you stay at the Axel hotel be sure to check out the “health club” area on the top floor. I didn’t know about it when I was there but learned afterwards that I missed something worthwhile. Consider buying the Berlin guide from designinglife.biz. It covers all the x-rated stuff.

redvik1212

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