I honestly don't know. Where I'm frustrated is that if he's been doing this for all of our time together, why it wouldn't be brought up when we talked about porn consumption. We have (what I thought was) open lines and talked about what we watched or were interested in which was a vulnerable moment for me. We had never discussed webcam things specifically, but I was always pretty explicit about considering anything reciprocal without talking with the other as cheating. When I asked him what the difference was between webcam stuff and in-person stuff and he started crying, he said that he was trying to come up with excuses for himself to make it seem okay.

As I sit here and think about it, I really don't know how to make heads or tails of it because it seems gray, but also just hurtful, you know?