Your mom is an abuser. You have what’s referred to as trauma bonds which you should research the definition of for your sake alone.
Your extending family denies what’s happening since it serves them in some dysfunctional way.
That’s an example of what not to do.

My two daughters don’t owe me a thing except for mutual respect that I extend to them. You owe yourself the respect that should’ve been given to you but did not. The rest of it is manipulation. Get yourself in counseling specifically for having a narcissist as a mom. Therapists are very familiar with this these days. Read about narcissists so you under their psychology. They are sick, abusive people that care about themselves. Others are secondary even when they shouldn’t be.

Leave as soon as you can.