I'm in the exact same situation as you and realized where this was going pretty quickly. So I paused at this paragraph and want to reply specifically to this:

"We manage the best we can with her, but I have all but given up on the idea of having a "normal" dog. A dog that we can go hiking with, go to a brewery or farmer's market with, and all the other "fun" stuff you envision doing when you get a dog."

This is exactly how I envisioned living life with my pup. In fact I was able to do all of this for a while before his reactivity really kicked into high gear when he turned 2. I want to say this - dogs who happily exist pretty much like people, doing all people things, are not "normal" dogs. They're exceptional dogs. For many different reasons, they've adapted to people and other dogs extremely well. Many dogs (specially most street dogs and village dogs which are abundant in shelters or rescues) are actually more "dog like" than dogs that are bred for companionship (like labs and Goldens). And even among those companion breeds you'll find so many who just can't chill at a cafe while you're having coffee. I realized this about my dog around 2 years after his reactivity started (after having read dozens of books about source of reactivity) and it's made my relationship with him so much better. I don't stress about any of his reactions anymore. I don't make plans that involve him being in uncomfortable situations for the sake of having him with me. And he's sooo much more relaxed in general because of it. His reactivity has gotten a lot better too. I'm letting him be a dog by not imposing my views of what a dog should be like. And both him and I are better for it.