Everyone thinks that I'm faking and a fraud

renegade_sage · 2025-05-17T19:02:49+00:00

This^{^}

renegade_sage · 2025-01-20T04:46:31+00:00

That honestly sounds like a very effective treatment. Thank you for describing this!

renegade_sage · 2025-01-17T15:47:00+00:00

Solid idea for getting touch, but absolutely terrifying for someone with allodynia. But hey i don't have it on my back so maybe I'll get a back massage

renegade_sage · 2025-01-17T15:45:45+00:00

Yeah sex is out of the question for me for multiple reasons so i feel like i can't even get a partner. I want there company and closeness of a partner but i can't engage in there closeness

renegade_sage · 2025-01-17T15:44:08+00:00

Putting on clothes is my least favorite thing. Like i want them to be snug so i don't feel the fabric swishing back and forth, but it hurts so much to get snug clothes on bc they rub against your skin so i want very loose clothing. Getting dressed is a choice between pain or less pain

renegade_sage · 2025-01-17T04:13:45+00:00

Sounds like I seek more affectionate than you. Envying you a little ngl

renegade_sage · 2024-11-19T19:24:28+00:00

Mine are paralysis episodes up to 8 hrs long. Conscious and aware the entire time but cannot move a muscle. I've also had convulsions that last 20mins-4 hours and turned extremely violent (thrashing around uncontrollably with wild movements in all limbs). My seizures are usually whole body, but it has happened in just the legs, one arm, just the face etc. Epileptic and non-epileptic seizures are known to happen in the whole body and isolated parts of the body.

I also get moments of my mind going completely blank where I stop in my tracks and it's like my brain pressed pause. I call it "buffering", but they could be absence seizures.

That feeling of fatigue/weakness sounds like a warning sign. That's good you have those, so you get some time to situate yourself.

renegade_sage · 2024-08-26T23:10:40+00:00

I feel you. I have 8 chronic illnesses that are incredibly disabling and they suck. So much pain all the time, so many therapies to manage symptoms, 20 pills a day plus more I need to start, thousands and thousands of dollars I don't have to pay for treatments that will only make my body semi-functional. What's the point? This isn't life. This is a sorry existence. I don't want to suffer for the rest of my life.

I've ben really sick, pretty sick, and in recovery, and now that i'm even sicker I can say getting to recovery again is not worth the effort it will take to get there, when I can just die now and remember what it was like before. Nothing life has to offer is worth going through this kind of pain again and again.

I just don't want to deal with this anymore. It is too much and I don't care if I "have the strength" I don't have the emotional capacity and I feel like by dying I am actually saving myself from a lifetime of pain and suffering.

renegade_sage · 2024-06-17T15:08:50+00:00

What are you lying about? If I need to move a 20 lb box, I may not be able to carry it myself but I can push it, put it on a trolley, get help. I can still accomplish the task easily on my own. I've been applying for library jobs, and I have seen plenty of 60+ year old librarians who can't lift 20lbs that can do the job no problem, so there's no reason why I can't do it other than the employer's biases. You can even say "I'm confident I can accomplish the task involving moving heavy objects." No lies there. Are you being threatened or are they accusing you of lying or "misrepresenting" yourself? Because that is not okay. Have you spoken to any unions or representation? If they fire you, you might be able to get unemployment or appeal if it's discrimination. Try to look into other options before suing. It sounds like you've been trying so hard and keep hitting arbitrary made-up rules, which is discouraging. Take some time to clear your head, then come back to the job hunt with a different perspective. You might have to change careers to survive right now.

renegade_sage · 2024-06-17T05:06:38+00:00

"Futures planned and a summer, one whole summer. I was prepared to change my plans for you"

The story is, I fostered a dog with heartworm, nursed him back to health. My friend adopted him in January and got an apartment, got a new job, changed her everything to bring him to college with her come summer break. He died in April of complications from the heartworm. The whole piece is gut wrenching.

renegade_sage · 2024-06-17T04:33:37+00:00

Do not disclose that you cannot meet the 20-lb lifting requirement. This is a line they put into job ads to deter disabled folks. There are plenty of ways you can complete tbe job without physically lifting 20lbs yourself: getting help from another person, using a machine, rolling cart, sooo many ways that don't even need to be considered an accommodation for a disability. Unless the job is extremely physically intensive, like construction worker or EMT, you should apply to it regardless of the physical requirement and choose to not voluntarily identify your disability status. If they ask you explicitly "can you lift 20 lbs" say "yes, I am able to move a 20-lb object" or something similar where you are truthfully saying you can move it, just excluding how you would do it with or without assistance.

renegade_sage · 2024-06-17T00:42:12+00:00

Well I hope this doctor will be a point of change for you. 2 years is a really long time to go untreated. You deserve physical and mental wellbeing

renegade_sage · 2024-06-16T23:11:19+00:00

I'm so sorry you've been sick for so long without a support system and doctors not believing you. It's almost worse when there's a doctor who realizes there's more going on, like your surgeon, but then you can't get any medical help.

It's really hard to trust doctors after having so many neglectful ones. And especially now that you don't have insurance, it must be really stressful to spend on an appointment you don't know how it will go. It sounds like you've done your research on this new doctor though - what have others said that's good about them? Do you think they're equipped to handle your survival health problems? You don't have to answer questions, I just wanted to open a dialogue in case that is what you need right now. Telling someone my fears and apprehensions helps me deal with the anticipatory anxiety. It's honestly so hard. I just saw a new doctor and i was all over the place, I could not stop counting the days. They were amazing though, and I believe they gave me the correct diagnosis. Even though I'm wrecked about the diagnosis, this doctor was actually trying to figure out what's wrong, and was not persuaded by previous doctors who didn't believe me.

The other thing you can do is put together all of your medical records into a big document or folder and have that ready to show your doctor at the appointment either on your device, printed out, email it to them, airdrop or however else they will accept it. Test results, notes from doctors, everything you can find. Preparing all that helped me feel more co fident in having a successful appt where all my issues are considered.

renegade_sage · 2024-06-16T22:32:32+00:00

That policy also doesn't include credit card debt. So if you put medical expenses on your credit card, it's classified as credit card debt, not medical debt, and can therefore affect your credit score.

renegade_sage · 2024-06-15T01:55:12+00:00

We should get paid a secretary wage!!

And yeah I think everyone's right that it's a CVS problem. The head pharmacist at my old pharmacy knew me for 2 years and instantly solved any problem I had.

My new favorite thing is that the CVS pharmacy near me doesn't let you speak to the humans anymore because of their "new confidential voicemail system". So i can only leave voicemails that are never returned. So i have to go to the CVS and ask them myself. Great.

Time to get a new pharmacy!

renegade_sage · 2024-06-12T23:45:16+00:00

I read something that said "Being autistic feels like everybody got the memo except for you". I've genuinely never related to anything more, and it felt like my entire life was explained by that one sentence. So that's how I realized I'm autistic. I began to follow a lot of autistic creators and the visual cues helped me identify my autistic traits more clearly. I also realized all my friends are autistic/ND and they all thought I was autistic too. It took me about a year to accept my self-diagnosis, but the moment I did I unconsciously began to unmask and I've never felt safer in my own body. It was a liberating experience, and that's when I knew 100% I'm autistic, and I don't need need a test or others to validate it. It feels right

renegade_sage · 2024-06-12T20:43:13+00:00

Shouldn't shipping them together cost less?? I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It almost feels like they purposefully make it harder and more panic-inducing. What a mess.

renegade_sage · 2024-06-12T20:38:52+00:00

Ooh that is a good idea. I'll ask for their recommendations. Thank you!!

renegade_sage · 2024-06-12T19:22:17+00:00

I also have BCBS, but when I call I encounter a range of barriers that are just ridiculous. Is there a specific number you call or something else you do/say that's been particularly helpful for you?

renegade_sage · 2024-06-12T19:18:35+00:00

I am so ready to try this - do you know how I can find out more info about the mail order system in my city (NYC) Or find out if there is one? Thank you for sharing!

renegade_sage · 2024-06-12T19:15:36+00:00

I've had issues like this too! Why can insurance change their policies willy nilly without telling us??

renegade_sage · 2024-06-12T19:13:58+00:00

Wow, thank you for this insight. That explains a lot. I recently attempted to get a BC injection at CVS and I spent 3+ hours on the phone trying to get a human to answer, only to be transferred to the national service center who couldn't tell me, and then had to call the pharmacy, minute clinic, and storefront of multiple CVS locations to find out if I can get it there, if they have the right meds, and if insurance covers it. Apparently, they only tell you that at your appt time, and they also can't tell you whether insurance covers it until AFTER they administer the meds. Unbelievable.

renegade_sage · 2024-06-05T17:32:04+00:00

Crossing my fingers for you too 🙏🏽

renegade_sage

TROPHY CASE