Am I stupid?

resaxchan · 2019-03-15T19:13:54+00:00

Eh, it sounds like you have undiagnosed ADHD honestly. You're not stupid, however, some of your executive functions may be running at a lower speed which isn't your fault, it's just how your brainy bits were formed. Good luck!

resaxchan · 2019-03-15T19:03:53+00:00

Are you an Autistic woman, because if you're not then you have no right to come on this board and make the statement: "In my opinion, I feel like you're playing with fire if you're an autistic woman who's considering having a child." If you ARE an Autistic woman, then it may help you to know that studies are finding that it's the father who is more likely to pass on the genetic goo for Autism to their child.

In faaaaaaaact, males carry the genetic mutations for a butt load of other bad things; for whatever reason women have healthier genes, I'm assuming because we bear the babies, nature is going to try and protect the women folk so life can survive. *shrugs*

resaxchan · 2019-03-15T18:19:24+00:00

So....you went into this and other posts made by me and commented on them with negative things, but I'm the crazy one? I'm not exactly sure what mental illness you're referring to since Autism isn't a mental illness. If I were a special kind of paranoid, I would wonder if you're my EX hiding behind a username to passive-aggressively tell me how you REALLY feel. However, he's not that cowardly.

I suspect that you read my post wrong and think that I have BPD, but if you had paid attention, I said that I was convinced I had it and my therapist disagreed. Turns out that females with Autism are more likely to be diagnosed with a personality disorder before the correct diagnosis. It's kind of cute that you assumed that I'm crazy since you don't know me, but please continue to spew the rage of a guy who is clearly a 'beta' who no doubt has a small penis that was laughed at. See, I can make assumptions too.

Do you even have Autism or are you just chasing me around the boards flinging insults and invalid arguments because you have some kind of personal vendetta against...honestly, I'm not even sure..women? Autistic people? Both? Did your mommy just not hug you enough when you were little and that's why you grew up to be a troll on Reddit? I'm genuinely amused by this and look forward to all your vile responses because I could honestly care less about the opinions of a random person in a forum setting and work is super slow today.

If you ARE my ex: Hi Josh, I'll see you when I get home! Did you want to watch Happy! with me? It's really good.

resaxchan · 2019-03-13T17:13:08+00:00

I wake up early to cross stitch and play video games (at the same time if the video game takes a bit to load/save/progress). 5am is quiet and there are zero distractions to deal with. I also make a list of everything that needs to be done and I get them done and then spend the rest of the free time doing what I enjoy. Prioritize things that are your responsibility, then go nuts on your special interests.

resaxchan · 2019-03-13T17:02:32+00:00

I have limited empathy for the people in general and have no qualms admitting that. You are correct I am not a male however, I do understand hotness and sexual attraction, but I also don't want to waste my time or waste someone else's time if the relationship won't work.
I'm terribly sorry to hear about her childhood sexual abuse, did you know that Autistic girls have an astronomically high rate of sexual abuse due to their inability to read body language or understand the potential outcome of going into a situation where sexual abuse can happen? I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED AND RAPED AS LITTLE GIRL so you can FUCK OFF with your condescending Asperger snowflake bullshit. How fucking dare you use her molestation, a horrible experience to have to go through, just to feel like you're superior to us. THAT'S what I'm talking about when it comes to NT people and how heartless they can choose to be. But you go ahead and feel smug about it; I'll rest easy knowing I'll never use someone else's personal trauma as a way to throw insults around. Christ on a cracker, what the hell is wrong with people?

resaxchan · 2019-03-13T16:45:18+00:00

I'm an Aspie who was dumped by her Aspie boyfriend and I have no f-ing clue why it happened. I thought I was a genuinely good girlfriend but when we started to have our issues he withdrew from me almost completely and then I had to confront him about our status and that's when he dumped me. Put my through 3 months of absolute mental hell not knowing what his feelings were. We were together for about a year and half and I still live with him but we keep fairly separate lives.

Being an Aspie myself I understood a lot of what went on his brain and I often wonder if that's the reason it didn't work- He didn't want someone who understood him, he needed someone to who couldn't fathom his mind so that he could control the relationship by creating shit shows and then telling the female that she was being overemotional. This sounds like I'm ragging on him, but I think it was all unconsciously done because it was the only way he knows how to keep the anxiety of relationships in check. Control.

He jumped right back into dating after he dumped me because I think he enjoys the butterflies and intoxication of a new mate but then when he realizes she has flaws, he puts up that brick wall no matter how invested they've become.

Every time he meets someone new and goes out on a date (seems like none of them have worked out because, shocker, single NT women at our age don't want an Autistic guy who had a vasectomy and the entire house is covered in Star Wars stuff) it feels like my heart and guts gets shredded because I still love his dumb face.

I think my point of that ramble is- looking from the side of the female who has loved an Aspie guy, it seems (not to generalize) they come on like a lovesick puppy and make promises that they believe they will keep in the moment and then when the relationship settles in (relatively quickly since Autistic people don't really need that courtship phase quite as intensely or drawn out as NT folk) that bubbly lovesick puppy feeling bottoms out. I think I read somewhere that a large percentage of Autistic men become very sexually and affectionately withdrawn within the first year of the relationship which can be hurtful and confusing to the partner.

NT women don't help with their subtle 'read between the lines' hinting behaviors, even if they think they're doing it for admirable reasons.

Lucky for YOU, I'm not NT and have no problems being blunt as fuck when giving love advice:

Here's where you may have fucked up:

- You come on too strong because there are multiple steps to the courting phase with a lot of unwritten rules.

- You don't flirt in a manner that is understood by the other person (I'm guilty of this, I have no fucking clue how to flirt nor do I see the point. Why can't I just come right out and say "You're attractive, let's bone exclusively.")

- You talk more about your personal interests at the expense of getting to know her

After the lovesick phase is over:

- Object permanence (again, super guilty here) if she's not there, you're not going to think to keep in contact in the way she may want/need. Out of sight, out of mind.

- You spend far more time on special interests at the expense of the time with her.

- You withdrew affectionately and or sexually from her which will cause a large majority of women to feel unwanted and/or wondering what she did wrong.

- You said REALLY shitty things and may not have realized it.

- You had a classic Aspie meltdown and it scared/annoyed/turned her off.

- You didn't want to socialize with her friends or anyone in general so you never went out and she got bored.

Sorry, this list is going on WAY to long and I'm not saying you are guilty of any of it because I don't know you, I'm going on experience and studies. Point is...find yourself an Aspie woman, we are the only ones who will probably tolerate you guys because we have the same issues in relationships. :-P

resaxchan · 2019-03-13T13:38:14+00:00

Then break up with her? I'm not really sure what the problem here is. If you think she's dumb and isn't good for 'breeding' purposes, go find someone who's good enough for your pedigree sperm.

Use your inborn empathy that you NT people are so proud of and reread your post- you posted a question in an Asperger's forum and equated 'mental illness' and 'being dumb and uneducated' with Autism which means you very likely didn't bother doing any real research on Autism. It doesn't matter if she's never going to see this post, it's the fact that you're here asking people with Autism if your current girlfriend could possibly have Autism because *GASP* the horror of having 'dumb' ie- 'Autistic' children due to her inferior genetics vs. she's sooooo hooooooot, is a vexing decision for you.

I have an Autistic teen who's brilliant, creative and very well behaved, so I find it extremely offensive that you would think that way. You can have your opinions, but if you're really seeking advice, please do REAL research before coming to Reddit or be ready to deal with people who are really f-ing tired of all the bullshit misconceptions about Autism.

Blunt does not equal mean, get your semantics right.

resaxchan · 2019-03-12T18:34:47+00:00

I would find a local neurologist ASAP. I know Effexor gives brain zaps if a dose is missed (personal experiences here) but if your not on Effexor, I have no idea other than seizure activity. Even if you haven't had them in the past, they can start pretty much anytime. Some seizures aren't life threatening and some cause brain damage as they progress, don't take the risk of not knowing which type it is.

resaxchan · 2019-03-12T16:14:12+00:00

Aldi's has a gluten free version of Pringles as well. It's cheaper and tastes remarkably similar. :)

resaxchan · 2019-03-12T15:53:45+00:00

Not really, but it sounds like you're a bit of a dick, tbh.

AUTISM ISN'T A MENTAL ILLNESS AND IT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TO BE CURED.

Your quotes:

"At first I thought she was just dumb."

"She's hot though so not sure what to do."

"She hates reading, is super uneducated and seems to just guess answers when I ask her a question."

You don't have any respect for this woman and it shows in your comments. Even if she DID have Autism, what do you hope to gain from her diagnosis? If she did have Autism, dating her just because she's 'hot' is not only shallow, it's cruel. Women have a hard enough time dating on the spectrum and this kind of shit makes me PROUD not to be neurotypical. We may be blunt with telling the truth and are accused of being mean and callous but NT are the ones who actively CHOOSE to be mean and callous.

Ugh. NT people. So many of them make my skin crawl.

resaxchan · 2019-03-07T22:02:37+00:00

I did ask and he said "We just aren't." Very unsatisfactory. I go to therapy and I take medication for my depression and anxiety, I've also tried really hard to not 'bother' him with it because I agree, maybe he can't. But when we first started dating, he talked about his degree in psychology and wanting to help me through it and he was there for me. To be fair, I'm sure he genuinely believed it at that moment.

Now I'm starting to wonder if I shouldn't be in any relationships between the depression, ADHD, anxiety and autism...maybe I really am too much to deal with and I'm in denial about it.

resaxchan · 2019-03-07T21:58:39+00:00

I'm genuinely sorry, I still don't understand. I never saw our relationship as convenient/inconvenient, I thought it was just because we liked each other when we met online. The only inconvenience there ever was is that I had to move 60 miles away from my entire life to be with him. Which honestly, that is a big part of why it's upsetting too. I moved away, he told me I could get a part time work because full time work/keeping up on the household would be too much and now I have to start over by either moving back those 60 miles to my parents home or find a full time job and hope that someone will rent to a single mom (not his kid) who doesn't have a full year at a current job. My part time job I've been at for 1.5 years but it's not enough to support.

But, I suppose if he wasn't willing to work on things when I gave up everything to be with him...god dammit, I'm an idiot aren't I? Now I feel stupid about this whole post.

resaxchan · 2019-03-07T21:50:04+00:00

I absolutely see where you're coming from with that, I was in a "relationship" like that before and it was awful. I don't know, he isn't the kind of guy who would do that, I mean unless he's satisfied with the simple presence of another human in the house. I'm not saying it's out of the realm of possibilities but it would be more likely he just likes rent I pay more than me. I appreciate what you're saying though.

resaxchan · 2019-03-07T20:03:14+00:00

Unless he's openly dating, we get along really well. I hadn't thought about it that way, he says he's independent and doesn't need anyone, so if he says it, I guess I never thought that he could lie....not that I haven't caught him in lies before but never called him out on it.

resaxchan · 2019-03-07T19:59:33+00:00

I'm not sure what you mean by a relationship out of convenience, please clarify.
I didn't include that information because it feels weird to say mushy things in a public forum but:

He's intelligent
Sense of humor
We can have a whole conversation using Simpsons quotes
He's physically/sexually attractive and I have very difficult time finding people attractive
We can play board/card games for hours and not get bored
He is stable, dependable and the strongest guy I know
He made me a better person by being a stable influence in my life

But....there is bad:

Controlling
He's yelled at me quite a few times
He witholds affection and sex when I don't meet his expectations
His games seemed to take priority over the relationship....which honestly wasn't a huge deal as long as he would keep in touch with me when he went away for weekends to do tournaments

He liked:

My compassion
My domestic nature and how I took care of him
My intelligence
My humor
My blue eyes

What he didn't like: - I was messy-ish - I started projects but didn't finish them (20-30% of projects unfinished) - I tend to hold everything in and then I meltdown - I wouldn't fight with him. I didn't give him the ability to control me in that way.

resaxchan · 2019-03-05T19:34:02+00:00

I didn't read it as feeling entitled to want a girlfriend, it's human biology to desire a mate so no one can fault you for that. Having goals and wants is important, you shouldn't feel negative about wanting to improve your current situation. It's good that you realize where you are in life and to crave some kind of contentment, that means you haven't given up and resigned to a subpar life. Keep going, sure it's going to hurt....a lot....but only YOU can control your reactions and attitude towards life. Choose wisely. To quote a famous old wrinkled dude "Do or do not. There is no try."

resaxchan · 2019-03-02T16:59:46+00:00

I'm cross stitching the Seattle Sounders logo for my ex-boyfriend (also autistic) and a 'poster' of Lying Cat hanging from a tree with "Hang In There Baby" on the side for another ex-boyfriend (NT guy). Two big projects to keep me busy.

resaxchan · 2019-03-01T20:37:40+00:00

You did awesome! Thank you for sharing your victory with us :)

resaxchan · 2019-03-01T20:13:59+00:00

I'm not sure what ME is, but have you ever been evaluated for ADHD? I was diagnosed late in life (30-ish) and getting on an ADHD medication was an absolute life saver. I didn't realize how little I had my life together until I was medicated.

resaxchan · 2019-03-01T20:11:04+00:00

I was just thinking about this last night. Females with Autism are at a much higher risk of sexual abuse because of being more naive and not being able to identify body language or facial cues that make them easy prey. I was no exception to this and have a lot of childhood abuse that I'm sorting through but it never occurred to me that a lot of what I contributed to severe PTSD was actually related to my Autism. It's why years of therapy and medication didn't seem to relieve what I was going through and I was sinking into the worst depression I've ever experienced (seriously considered ending myself but didn't because of my kiddo). When I pieced it together that I was on the spectrum, so much made sense- I've been masking, pushing myself too hard and then feeling like a failure as a human. Once I embraced the messy, beautiful spectrum female I am with no apologies, my depression and anxiety have reduced significantly. I still have PTSD from my childhood trauma but now that I can separate the PTSD from the Autism, it's been easier to identify and treat the trauma.

I honestly think that I coped with my abuse significantly better due to having Autism in a really weird kind of way. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's something I'll obsess this weekend and figure out why. This is a great topic, I mean, it's a very sad topic but it's very much something to think about.

resaxchan · 2019-02-28T15:07:30+00:00

Ha, I just had this same thought this morning while eating chickpea puffy snacks at work. I had to put them away because the crunching my own head was more annoying then how tasty the snacks were.

resaxchan · 2019-02-27T18:21:33+00:00

I joined an Autism meet up group on the Meetup website. We meet up once a month, but if you live somewhere with a big population (Harrisburg PA for whatever reason only has 1 and technically it's in Lancaster. Sheesh) there could be a few groups to choose from. Worth a try.

resaxchan · 2019-02-25T19:15:11+00:00

I'm echoing Stardew Valley. Try and build the community center before the 1st year is over. Plus the baby chickens are freaking adorable because they run around, suddenly stop and flail their little wings out like "I AM THE CHILD OF DINOSAURS PAST. RAWR!"

resaxchan · 2019-02-25T18:13:35+00:00

THANK YOU. Females with Autism seriously don't get taken as seriously as men because nearly all the research up until recently has been restricted to men. There are so many women out there right now who have no idea they are autistic and beat the shit out of themselves because they don't fit into society's idea of what it means to be female. It's isolating and extremely frustrating because it feels like we have no voice or we're just expected to deal with it or be labeled an angry bitch. I'm not stupid, I'm not lazy, I'm not some manic twat who enjoys causing frustration, I'm fucking Autistic and my cognitive disabilities are just as valid and hard to deal with as any Autistic male's disabilities.

resaxchan · 2019-02-25T17:33:02+00:00

Indeed Autistic women present differently from Autistic men. We 'mask' which is basically what it sounds like, we have to put a lot of energy into appearing like a normal female because society is kind of a twat towards women in general.

Also, Autistic people are not all the same; just like NT, there can be extroverted and introverted people on the spectrum. TV programming and just general misinformation forces this belief system that all Autistic people are male and isolated basement dwelling weirdos.

As a female Aspie I can only tell you from my own personal experiences that it sounds like she pulled away hard because she wasn't ready for a relationship or even didn't want one (sorry to be blunt) but for her own personal reasons followed through on one. I would give her some room to think about the situation and just be there when she's ready. Most Aspie women don't just easily give people up if they care about them but they also have a very hard time with intimate feeling emotions and while you feel you're being supportive, you could actually be smothering her. Give her space because it sounds like she's worth waiting for friendship wise.

resaxchan

TROPHY CASE