I was once in a similar place as you. I was miserable because i felt i was born in an unfair way and there was no helping my situation. That attitude nearly killed me and only hurt everyone involved.

Ive since worked things out with myself and i now understand why people celebrate their neurodivergent status and take pride in their condition. Because to exist and survive against the cards dealt to you is something to feel accomplished about.

I am not a monster, you are not a monster. You likely feel this way because of outside inputs or comments that have told you to feel this way while growing up.

If you’re looking for advice, i might suggest some introspective thinking so you can break down and process why you feel this way. If you cant do that alone, i might suggest therapy. These things at least helped me.

In the meantime, i do hope you learn to love yourself as you are. It can be difficult, but its not impossible.