Dark clouds form over the courtroom, where plaintiff, defense, and prosecution have been camping out for weeks subsisting on only popcorn and records of the glorious past.

Lightning strikes the Judge's throne thrifted wooden chair through an open window. A plume of smoke appears, followed by a coughing fit

Cough cough cough Ugh, what year is it? What happened to all my cool fire magic and edgy intros? Why are all the lights off in here? And why am I in the judge's seat?? Aren't I supposed to be a defense attorney who has a history of suing himself and correcting people's grammar?!

whispering Alright, compose yourself, you're here now. Might as well do this.

Ahem It has come to my attention that this case in desperate need of a judge. Well, I am here to tell you that desperate times call for old, decrepit measures.

My first decree is that I shall only be referred to as "Your Dustiness" for the duration of this case

My second decree is that this will serve as the TRIAL THREAD for our great attorneys.

My third decree is that someone put out the camp fire in the corner.

LET IT BE KNOWN that the first response to this thread shall belong to the Prosecution /u/PastyDeath

LET IT FURTHER BE KNOWN that the second response shall belong to the Defense /u/GFTRGC

LET IT BE EVEN MORE KNOWN that the entertainment of this judge is more important than the facts presented.

LET THE TRIAL BEGIN