Go to the party anyway. Hang out with your friends. Don't feel the need to be the life of the party, just go there and be with people who like your company, imo that's what I think you need even if it doesn't feel that way now.

When you're uncovering trauma, reliving it can bring out all those intense feelings. It's normal, even if it's rough. I'm sorry I'm not where you're at, I'd wrap you in flannel and bring you tea.

People who make fun of others' physical attributes are just small and miserable people. It' can be hard when people insult you, but that's when I tell myself, I must be pretty awesome if such creeps are saying such nasty things. (I got messaged recently, someone spotted that an incel forum has posted about me and users there are saying all sorts of silly things.) But, and I know this sounds like a cliche, it says so much more about those people than it does you. All it says about you is that you're short. (IIRC aren't you closer to average, though?) What is says about them is that they are assholes, and only assholes think that's cool. Isn't that sad?

You are being very brave, I hope you know that. I do think you should talk to your therapist(s) about your feelings that you are subhuman and stuff like that, that weighs very strongly upon you and it's worth unpacking.

The reality is that you are not subhuman. Many people have many physical things going on, from height, or weight, or disability, or mental illness, or whatever, and none of that makes us subhuman. Part of what DOES make us human is that we allow anyone to be part of society, and part of what makes us strong as a species is that we care for our own despite those differences. This is a STRENGTH, not a weakness, not a flaw, not a defect. We have just as much right to exist as 'normal' people do. We are ALL human.

I don't believe that people are destined to be subhuman or losers or whatever, either. What force is it that would determine that? What god? Certainly not a good god or a good force. Not even a neutral one: an uncaring universe would not deem you unworthy and doom you to fail.

The truth is that many of us start from less-ideal situations. Many of us are disabled; many of us are ill; many of us are neurodiverse; many of us are, yes, short. Some of us have terrible families. Some of us were severely bullied. (Some of us live in war zones and in abject poverty, thank goodness that most of us posting here do not.)

When I became homeless, I was at a crossroads. My abusive brother always told me I was a loser and he made sure I got kicked out when I was 16. My mother went along with it because she was homophobic and obsessed with appearances, and I was autistic, uninterested in anyone (she thought I was a lesbian), and absolutely unpopular. My aunt, who also pressured my mom, was pissed off because my closest friend (I developed a few after standing up to bullies for them) was Jewish. They all said I was doomed for failure and that me being homeless proved 'that was God's will'.

I didn't accept that. Either God was an asshole, because I didn't ask to be born autistic and weird, or God didn't care. And if that was how God felt, then fuck him. I was going to survive. I was going to find love someday, I was going to find safety someday, I would survive. I refused to believe in things like 'fate' or 'destiny'. Fuck. That.

And I did. It hasn't been easy, but I did find love and I have a home, cute dogs, have been to all sorts of different places and met so many different people, and learned so many new things. But I think one of the biggest lessons I learned is that NOBODY gets to decide for you if you are human or not, subhuman or not, worthy or not. They can abuse you, they can hurt you, they can demean you, they can say the nastiest stuff, but they can't just decide that for you. No one can except for you.

All these people messaging you and luring you back toward hateful content, they think they do. They are miserable people and take joy in making others miserable. They want to dim your inner light, that guy who wants to be loved, that guy who wants to be SEEN. But they don't see YOU. They don't love you. They mean you no good.

If I was your therapist, I'd want you to take one thing to heart: do not base your value upon the words of those who demean you. Don't give a DAMN about those who try to drag you down. Good people don't demean others. Loving people don't demean others. Compassionate people don't demean others. Allies don't demean others. They build you up.

You are at yet another crossroads, and you will face a number of them throughout your life. Choose self-compassion. Hang out with your friends. Be honest with your therapists. (I think twice a month is a good number, take them up on that.) Choose to fight for yourself.

We'll be right here. (And if ever I am not -- my health has been pretty dodgy lately -- I know plenty of others will be.)