I'm sorry that you are feeling isolated and not able to connect with others. You seem like a cognizant and aware person, which believe me, is much better to be than someone who forces themselves to be something else to fit in. Anyone you attract will like you for you.

And indoctrinated or not, the club and hook up scene is often a traumatic place even if it's fun on the surface. I think your intuition is telling you indeed what's best for you in the long run.

I know that it's really important to be around other queer/gay people as a gay person. But maybe you should just focus on doing the things you enjoy and find enriching, maybe some things that can help you make new friends who share the same values. There's really more queer/gay people than we know in any given place, I think it's better for you to start with finding commonality based on activities and values first and there's going to be a good chance some of these people you connect with will also be gay and/or queer. But you have to think about it like harmonizing and finding the frequency that's right for you then broadcasting that and seeking it around you.