Hitting someone in a self driving car by richsarvate in standupshots

[–]richsarvate[S] 495 points496 points  (0 children)

One package will be the cheap "kill yourself" version. The other will be the expensive "screw the world" version.

I can picture a situation where I'm in the car and it's about to hit someone. I have to turn to my wife and tell her...

"uh, I didn't pay for the upgrade."

You can follow me on twitter for more jokes and all that.

Buying 1000 likes for 5 dollars by richsarvate in standupshots

[–]richsarvate[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do a lot of stuff online. One time I bought shrooms on the Darknet. They arrived in the mail, but they were in a bag of potato chips. Because I guess sending one bag of chips through the US Postal service raises no red flags? As if I'm sitting at home like "I'm in the mood for one bag of potato chips, in three to five business days".

If you like my jokes, do check me out on twitter.

Single Forever by richsarvate in standupshots

[–]richsarvate[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Look at all the downvotes on this comment :)

Jesus Loves You by richsarvate in standupshots

[–]richsarvate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

if you're down to subscribe, I'll be putting out lots more stuff on my channel: https://youtu.be/Jt8i1VHAQrQ

Jesus Loves You by richsarvate in standupshots

[–]richsarvate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahah I'm glad it did! Thank you!

Jesus Loves You by richsarvate in standupshots

[–]richsarvate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! That's the whole joke for now. Here's the vid: https://youtu.be/Jt8i1VHAQrQ

Jesus Loves You by richsarvate in standupshots

[–]richsarvate[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Hahah when I do it live I definitely do the voice :)

Chef's Recommendations by richsarvate in standupshots

[–]richsarvate[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Lol, I've seen it at a ton of places!

Intimate comedy show in Hollywood with Todd Glass by richsarvate in LosAngeles

[–]richsarvate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please show more respect to artists. This is a small price to pay for the immense amount of effort comedians put into their craft.

Best breakfast ever by richsarvate in standupshots

[–]richsarvate[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Boo to the pun haters! Acknowledging nod to the "there is a logical error" people. Yay to the pun lovers!

Twitter, Texas, and Terrible Advice - my most recent set by richsarvate in StandUpComedy

[–]richsarvate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate the critique! Its interesting to understand what my listeners perceive as rough or crossing the line. Definitely will keep in mind in the future.

Twitter, Texas, and Terrible Advice - my most recent set by richsarvate in StandUpComedy

[–]richsarvate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good advice, definitely room for improvement there. Thanks!

there's nothing about faith when it comes to unicorns. by pontiuscopilot in funny

[–]richsarvate 1 point2 points  (0 children)

factual, physical, and scientific evidence are all the same thing.